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ADHD or not, diagnosis is not where the problem should begin to be treated.

I was diagnosed with ADD four months ago and this is in my late teens.

Now in the middle of college, I finally understand responsibility. This sudden jump still scares and depresses me. Now I require a change in all manners, academics, personal goals, habits. I still have difficulty learning through reading and listening. Maybe 30 min on a few pages of an uninteresting book. But I have no problem reasoning on my own (probably my best hyper focus) and multi-tasking on a job. In fact, if someone doesn't remind me to stop working, I won't and put myself in harm's way.

This whole time, I had no parental support (Asian parents stereotypes are true in a way) and was left with a conditioning of always being obedient to others. They even prevented me from trying to see a psychiatrist pre-18.

For me, a whole life had gone by that I didn't understand. And I realize how many kids "live in the moment" and fail to recognize the severities of their futures. Shouldn't it be apparent that suicide is a leading cause of death in adolescents? It's even more difficult for ADHD people. It's not a diagnosis or medication that they need, it's a change in lifestyle, especially in parenting.

This is not targeted to Asian parents only. Way too many kids are given freedom of their own accord. Almost all teachers post HW online now and the students are left to control their addictions to themselves which WILL result in their failure.

Case 1: A close cousin. Oblivious to social understandings and has a temper. Doesn't do work and is hooked on video games.
Parents yell at him and he can't talk back.
Case 2: A cousin that is hyperactive around friends. Competitive and arrogant. Parents love him too much to discipline him.

These are two different ends on the spectrum of bad parenting. Adults need to learn that they are guiding the next generation. Parenting is not about spoiling or providing needs, it is to make life easy. Connecting with the thing that you brought into this world, easy.


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    Oct 11 2013: Parents have different philosophies of parenting, some personal and some connected to culture and community. In some communities parenting functions extend beyond the parent to other relatives, religious and cultural institutions, and schools.

    I don't know of many cases in which kids have changed their parents' ways of parenting, but there are many cases in which kids have learned to look to additional adults for guidance. For you at maybe twenty years old, you have that chance now at college. You also have a chance to be another source of guidance to young people you love.

    Parents typically understand they are guiding the next generation. Some parents seek advice from others in child-rearing or from the family doctor and others do not because they believe their judgment is the best for their children, regardless of what others may think.

    There is also a possibility that you have not been paying attention to the guidance your parents have been trying all this time to provide to you. How have you responded when they have tried to encourage you to be more disciplined about something, for example?

    Many parents raise their children quite differently than their parents did. You will have that opportunity.
    • Oct 11 2013: Thanks for bringing this up. It is hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that culture is the main reason for parenting stereotypes. But i think it is also an excuse to continue the same things so your kids can pass down the same things.
      Amazingly this year, i was lucky enough to get 3 big siblings figures + my biological older sister to guide me a lot through my frustrations. And then i realize, its not about luck. I put myself in the position to look for them. So if other kids dont start looking for what they want, that becomes a problem. I have tried talking to my little sister and my cousin, but they are so uncomfortable, even annoyed, with conversing about life.
      We have to get out of the culture of saying things out of love and start doing them. I am an innovator, so i do not believe that bad family relationships should go into the vicious cycle of rebellion or obedience. Its like saying, "you were born to me, now let me dig your grave because of culture and my personal experiences."
      If anything my parents have taught me, its to not be like them (yet im still hopeful as ever that they should change). You spend maybe 1/4 or 1/5 of your life with these bonds and you want to make each other miserable in short bursts? I want to teach them so much, how to not be cynical, be streetsmart and not streetscared and gossip less. They still have a whole life ahead of them. In terms of discipline, i already stated that i am obedient. Their suggestions hit my subconscious and it becomes who i am.
      Thanks for the last sentence! Its just something ive always wanted to try and i will have the opportunity.

      Personal thoughts and experiences are the only place i can draw from. This is not about me! I can understand this wide field of the family dynamic. This is about the next generation and how we can approach a healthier understanding of child-adult relationship, especially in the ones with mental handicaps/gifts, before it becomes another depressive narrative.

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