Lucia López

This conversation is closed.

New beginnings, are they a real opportunity for a happy ending?

After years of living in the same town, having the same friends and feeling frequently down, some people prepare their suitcases and start again in a new place, but all starts are difficult and sometimes they don't usually work as expected.
How should we start a new life? is it worth it or should we cope with our mistakes and stay in the place we were rise?

  • thumb
    Oct 3 2013: Hi Lucia.....welcome to TED conversations:>)

    I believe everything in every moment of the life experience is an opportunity, and new adventures can be challenging. What feels MORE challenging? Simply coping, by staying in a place (physically and emotionally) that doesn't feel content? Or taking action to create what you would like to experience in your life adventure? You ask..."is it worth it..."? Are YOU worth it to yourself?

    How might it feel to let go of certain expectations? I suggest starting something new and different with curiosity, eagerness, enthusiasm, excitement, open heart/mind, and unconditional love....excluding expectations. It has already been mentioned in this conversation....wherever you go, there you are!

    "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes..."
    (Marcel Proust)
    • thumb
      Oct 3 2013: Dear Colleen ,
      I agree with you. If you find you don't like the life in the new city after your all-around exploration,at least you have understood something about it and know it doesn't suit you. If you don't try, you'll never know the result.
      • thumb
        Oct 3 2013: I agree with you too Yoka.....there is always an opportunity to learn and experience something new....absolutely....if we don't try....we never know what exciting adventure might be around the corner in our exploration of life! Happiness/contentment is a way of travel....not just a destination, and we have a choice to explore our world with curiosity.....or not! Personally, it is my choice:>)
  • Oct 2 2013: First, you can never start a new life. You get only one. Changing location will not change who you are.

    I am a problem solver, and I approach this question as a problem.

    First, define the problem. Exactly what is the cause of the unhappiness? Is changing locations likely to make a positive difference? If you can determine the cause of the unhappiness, it could help you decide on an appropriate destination. I grew up in a big city and I always knew, from a very young age, that I would be much happier in a smaller community. Eventually, I confirmed that I was right.

    Any new beginning is a risk. If you change locations with the expectation that it will certainly make a big, positive difference in your life, you are very likely to be disappointed. If you approach it as a challenge and an adventure, with the attitude that you are taking responsibility for your own happiness, and that the result will largely depend on your own behavior, then you have a much better chance.

    Regarding choice of location, it is very important to live the correct distance away from your family. Too close and too far both lead to big problems. The correct distance can change over time, as relationships change.

    Good fortune.
  • thumb
    Oct 2 2013: Just let yourself be ready to accept new things and meet new people. Think about the new experiences you're going to have. You can do exploration of the new place and find surprise .How exciting!
  • thumb
    Oct 2 2013: Only a fool would learn nothing from past experiences. But being a fool is not neccessarily evil; it is being human. Wisdom, and foolishness, and the gulf of differences between two absolutes. Humanity and its shades of colours.

    There are two types of new beginnings; one happens once in a lifetime, like doing something new for the first time. One is the opportunity to rebuild from the ruins or glory of past beginnings.

    If we can know it in our spirit that life is about sowing and reaping, if we can know that our choices are like trains, bound for an end, then we would give more care to beginnings.

    For in the beginning lies the strength of the end. But it is never too late to go back anytime we find out that we are on the wrong route.
  • thumb
    Oct 2 2013: it is possible to leave everything behind, except one thing: ourselves. we will be with us wherever we go.
  • Oct 2 2013: Perhaps go after a goal worth achieving, a passion you have always wanted to pursue, or an idea you wanted to see if you could grow. These are reasons to change locations. Perhaps also you have a curiosity about a particular place. This is also a neat reason to try a new place.

    This answer sort of depends on your age. Running from mistakes rarely works out. I think you should learn from your mistakes, correct the things you can correct, then find a way to be at peace with the rest. Once you have achieved this peace, look for new opportunities, ways to improve yourself, and ways to positively connect with other people. Being tormented by a past makes a successful fresh start very difficult.

    Look for the best places or circumstances for something large an positive to occur in your life, and then visit them to see if they resonate with you. Make a decision and give it a try. Hard work, a positive attitude, and good citizenship tend to be universally accepted by different communities. Theses are the keys to a fresh start.
  • thumb
    Oct 4 2013: The good example in the subject (change city) seems to be an exellent simbol of many life events. When you start a new project it is the same process. Moreover, everything starts to go wrong in compare with sweet simplicity of old ways. The more innovation you do, the more difficulties you have.
    This is the question if the problems is the normal part of the lifecycle, or it comes wrong way so indicates to do something back.

    Even if a person choose to give up is is the personal feature to get more positive experience from the project. I knew persons who gave up easily, actually did nothing to growth, scared by smallest normal problems. They moans so loudly as they lost billions. I think they wasn`t deserve to have any good result.
    Also I know persons who are brave souls to overcome obstacles with smile being with light, helping others with their experience.
    Who knows does a choice really worth to involve or not. But my life experience tell me that all things inside us desires to growth should be growth. Just need to check is problems normal or patological. It needs also a soul and mental work during and after a project to include it`s information as a benefits of own life attempts.
  • thumb

    . .

    • +1
    Oct 3 2013: Dear Lucia,
    Follow your heart.
    Everyone here has written great advice. There is a lot of wisdom and kindness in this TED community.
    Only you can answer this question for you....and you will find it when you go deep inside your own heart.
    http://www.ted.com/talks/steve_jobs_how_to_live_before_you_die.html
  • thumb
    Oct 2 2013: Same town, same friends? Not an inherently bad scenario. To be motivated by boredom is not a good situation. Remember, wherever you go, there you are. If your life view is unbalanced toward the 'New Is Better' mentality, you will end up a wandering vagabond endlessly searching for something better. Change does not guarantee contentment.
  • Oct 6 2013: I also agree New does not equal happiness, but an opportunity? Absolutely.

    Pack that suitcase, go for a wander.

    Just 2 things to bear in mind-
    1- make every decision a concious one, having thought about potential consequences.
    2- don't burn bridges, that same town, same friends stability may be what you crave after a long journey.

    Good luck!
  • thumb
    Oct 4 2013: It depends!

    And as insights of those kind are neither really helpful nor actually stating much, I can only try to describe what I do in situations like this.

    Before I prepare any of my real suitcases, I always check my 'internal' luggage first to find out what would stay at the place I am about to leave, and what would go with me, no matter what.

    If what brings me down frequently was related to the place, I get ready to leave.
    If it was related to me, the change of place wouldn't help, as I took this internal luggage with me wherever I go.

    We can't run from ourselves, yet we can and should run from unhappy places.

    Bon voyage or happy staying. :o)
  • Oct 4 2013: let me be cliche - make sure you are moving toward something goal, change. If your are running away, you may be running away from yourself and nothing will change.
  • thumb
    Oct 4 2013: welcome...you'll like your present when you can handle your past , it turn into a habit for you like a flexibility in harsh situations can happen to you in future,the moment is the best refuge for the happiness when the sadness refuse to leave us ,we must leave the place when no ears is listening to us ,there is surely a voice of intuition we're in need to fellow in the horizon of hope somewhere in our life where the happiness is waiting for us and the satisfaction is real...good luck