Yijia Chen

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What was the darkest depression in your life and what have you learned from it?( i admire your courage )

I know that from tragedy has come a lot of happiness.
I know that no trees can stretch its branches in the heaven before its roots in the hell.
I guess i am young and not experienced,of course i have been through difficulties and struggles,but they are just small ones.
I would love to see someone share his/her experience with me,i am always perpared to listen.
And remember,everyone has his own depression,you are not alone.
I appreciate your participation,one really needs courage to talk about this.

  • Oct 1 2013: I would say I'm in the darkest depression of my life right now, I've been dealing with it for really as long as I can remember. I avoided the truth for a long time, honestly my story is extremely similar to Kevin's. I tried to hide in plain sight through most of high school, seemingly happy on the outside for the benefit of others I guess, when in reality I was drifting away further and further with each day. Went to Olemiss my freshmen year, did the fraternity thing, did the party thing, have a bunch of friends loved the school, but something was off and long story short, everything I had been holding back came up at once, I ended up in court ordered 72hr suicide watch in bum**** MS. I had everything I had wanted, I knew it was weird I felt no joy or happiness, but I chose to ignore it because I don't understand it and I was afraid to let anyone find out.
    It's been almost a year since I was pulled out of school and I'm no better if not worse, but in all of the group therapy, and doctors and drugs and whatever else they could. After all that I have discovered two things
    1. Couldn't have said it better then kevin did: depression is so very different from sadness or laziness or all the things that most people think of, I URGE anyone who thinks they may be feeling that way, (and believe me when you experience it you will know, there's no confusing it with the "I've been having some bad luck lately".). Anyway I urge you to please do not hesitate at all to reach out too someone., and try to head it off before you fall into the infinite pit that is complete and total apathy.
    2. I went to group therapy for awhile, which at first I was so against, but I know recommend. when I first went I was afraid that the " demons " that haunted me wernt anywhere near as significant as some of the people I would meet. Which brings me to the second thing I have learned in this long road.
    No matter whether your starving kid from the street or a wealthy person EVRY1 is =
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      Oct 1 2013: Brentley,i appreciate your sincere words.And I can definitely identify with you.
      Remember,don't be shameful for depression and vulnerability,they are just another way of showing COURAGE. And then it becomes easier:When there is a will,there is a way.
      Do you feel better right now?
      Best wishes.:)
      • Oct 2 2013: i wish! I think the biggest problem with me at this stage is ive lost the will to fight, there is a video on here that describes almost exactly what i feel like right now.

        kevin breel: confessions of a depressed comic.

        if you have a chance to check it out, the part where he talks about, the overwhelming apathy, and losing the will to fight it. that would help explain my situation.
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          Oct 3 2013: My question actually came from the talk you mentioned.
          I believe Kevin in the talk do not suffer from depression right now.
          I think what he is trying to express is not focused on the depression part.It's more than the negative that you are suffering from the depression,it's the positive that you understand the value of it.Bucause that's what life is all about:you suffer and you grow.
          Happiness depends on perspectives.Change your mind a little bit,you don't have to pursuit those "greatest" happiese,sometimes even tiny little change can make us smile.

          I strongly recommend a book to you,it's called "Tuesdays with Morrie".It talks about death and love and much much more.
          Here are some quotes:
          When you learn how to die, you learn how to live

          Their wealth did not buy them happiness or contentment.

          Everyone knows they will die, but no one through it all.

          Compared to death,depression really doesn't matter.
          I believe you will finally defeat the depression someday.Maybe not right now,but definitely someday in the future:)Hopefully my words can make a difference.
  • Sep 30 2013: My military service qualified. Easily the most miserable time of my life.
    Made me either extremely irritable or extremely apathetic (and switching at the drop of a hat), alongside enough stress, shifts and straight up physical pain to keep me at an average of three or four hours of sleep per night. Didn't take long for my health to suffer, which in turn deteriorated my mental state, resulting in something of a feedback loop.
    The funny thing is I was actually a model soldier before it started getting to me. Gradually, I just stopped caring and started picking fights instead.

    Didn't seem to have much of a long lasting impact though. I got better the moment I was discharged. I'm quite lucky in that sense, that my depression came from a solvable cause rather than a more deep seated psychological issue.

    Taught me how to appreciate the little things in life that most people take for granted. Like being able to sleep at night, not having anyone try to kill you, and not having an organization own you and treat you as if you were their guard dog.
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      Oct 1 2013: Nadav,you make me feel like your miserable time was a treasure after reading your story.
      Others may say "i understand you"or things like that.
      But only you knows how it felt like,it was your own experience and others can never steal it from you.Only yourself knows how this experience hurt you,and moreover,gain you.
      It's like no trees can stretch its branches in the heaven before its roots in the hell.
      The miseries introduces you new angles to look at the happiness and joy.As you've said"Taught me how to appreciate the little things in life that most people take for granted. It teaches gratitude.:)
  • Oct 1 2013: - ran out of words, I was gonna say no ones problems trump yours, and yours Arnt more important. THE pain and feelings are the same either way.

    P.S.

    Sorry this is sloppy hope y'all understand what I was trying to get across.

    I'm real tired but I didn't work up the nerve to post something until 4am go figure
  • Oct 10 2013: I know exactly what he means when he says real depression is when you are engulfed by that heaviness when things are going well in life. I feel so much pressure to be my extroverted, joyful side every single day at work & with my friends. Underneath it all is this darkness that won't go away and I have such a hard time letting down my walls and showing people the vulnerability. It makes me so angry and despairing. Especially because it doesn't seem to be socially acceptable to be an angry woman.
    However, I've learned to cope and am continually understanding ways to let it out in a healthy manner. But it doesn't always happen that way. Kevin Breel's talk was inspiring because it helped to hear someone who experiences life similarly.
  • Oct 8 2013: I agree that there are people like the Kevin Breel, whose life is going well for them, yet they are still very depressed. But I think there is also a depression that comes from being stuck in a very bad place in life. I think I learnt about both depressions and I don't think they are any less or worse. I just feel I learn that in some really bad situations you have to try and get out of them if you can and depression can be a sign from your body to get out. I also think I learnt that there are other challenges and solutions to depression regardless of your situation.

    I think I also learn that in very low points in your life, it's easy to underestimate how easily your mind can trick you and take the hope from you, make you feel as if nothing will ever change. I think I learnt at some points you have to ignore your body and take a step back, and focus on resting and recovering before you make any big decisions (and that not taking action itself is a big decision and should be considered as such).

    I guess I'm having a very bad few days and a very severe pang of depression tonight specifically, I wanted to vent moreso for me than anyone, if anyone could take something positive out of this, that would be great

    Thanks (2/2)
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      Oct 12 2013: " I think I learnt at some points you have to ignore your body and take a step back, and focus on resting and recovering before you make any big decisions (and that not taking action itself is a big decision and should be considered as such)." So true ,Alex. Sometimes we are so busy that we almost forget ourself. We don't have time to be another person ,we just need to be ourself,and slow down is a good choice.
  • Oct 8 2013: My worst of depression was through university (4 years) , it's still a bit soon for now and I'm not 100% sure it taught me anything. It it's pretty simple really what happened, I was working my ass off in school and still struggling, not enjoying my life. It started with my feelings begin to numb (I had several kinda breakdowns before but didn't know what it was). It eventually moved to not being able to not being able to get up in the morning, losing almost all joy in my life of any activity and breaking down to tears on a regular basis. I guess I also after time started to act crazy and not-rational, not being able to sleep for days on end. I was also starting to feel like there was no way out and getting many suicidal thoughts, eventually trying to take my life. It maybe got a little bit better in the last year, I still get severe bouts of depression and would still also classify myself as depressed (though I wouldn't have the gut to admit it). Maybe this sounds melodramatic but it occurred at such a pivotal point in my life and negatively affected so much of my life to come I don't think I will ever truly be rid of depression or truly get over the experience no matter what.

    I think it taught me mostly that my mind and body are physically limited andI can't just redline it for years without severe repercussion. I also believe it taught me that can't stay stuck in a bad situation if I can find a way out, no matter how hard, it's not worth sticking in that situation long term and it can lead to severe mental problems with enough time. (1/2)
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    Oct 1 2013: Struggling with the "why's" in life. Why does my education matter? Why does succeeding make a difference if all my success is at the cost of others? Why am I deemed inadequate for some people? Why are other people deemed inadequate? Why is the richest person more respected than the one who is truly happy? I could go on and on. I entered the worst moments of my life attempting to solve these questions after some particular tragedy.
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      Oct 1 2013: Whether you figured it out or not,at least you have tried.
      Life is always like this:
      You struggle,and you grow.
      And you struggle,and you grow.
      And you struggle,and you grow.
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    Sep 30 2013: i learned from my depression the flexibility with myself ,it's come only from it ;and the flexibility without intolerance to my hate give me the honour that i live and i feel in my life ,it's close to the perfection when i feel it,it's a teacher of weakness when i think about it. it's the inevitablity nature of us or the inevitable good free will we have what can free it from hate of fatality to the ethics.
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    Sep 30 2013: i spent a few years being anxious and depressed. it seemed to be just a part of me. pills from the Dr only made things worse.

    turned out, it was my job. i loathed my job and the minute i quit and did something else, my life got better.

    look for the triggers and then eliminate them.
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      Oct 1 2013: You mean you found something you really loved later on?
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        Oct 1 2013: it was listening to the album Dark Side Of The Moon that motivated me to quit my job.

        to begin with, I didn't know what the hell I was going to do - I spent a year back at school doing Media Studies, then I moved towns and picked up some retail jobs.

        The best thing I did was start a band which is still going strong 13 years later. Rock n Roll is the perfect job for many people in modern society - the sort of people that are driven, quite literally, insane by regular 9 to 5 jobs and life :)
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          Oct 2 2013: Researchers say that an average of American change jobs 4 times before they settle down.
          You are a New zealander.Apparently you also gone through the journey of finding the job you really loved.
          I am a Chinese,still a student.I don't know how many times i will change my job until i find my loved one,or not.The only thing i know is that there will definitely be a lot of pressure when it comes to my turn.
          You are lucky,Scott.Not everyone can view their job as a passion,a motivation.In fact,few people can.
          A quote by Steven Jobs came into my mind just now:"Find what you love.If you haven't find it,keep finding,don't settle."
          His persistence made him stands out,i guess.
          I am still wondering if i will stick to this,for so competitive a society i am in.
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        Oct 2 2013: i've had a bout 14 jobs. i do not believe happiness is found in doing a job. in fact, i found it hard to do any job that clashed in any way with how i see myself.

        it hasn't been luck at all - i refused to carry on with a perfectly good job because i knew it was doing me in so i dropped out. i quit. all the things society growls about.

        it's also taken 13 years of keeping it going - holding together a group of guys, playing mary hopkins numbers in wine bars and pushing through all the times when it feels like i made one hell of a bad choice.

        i am not rich and i am not famous but that stuff doesn't matter. i get to be me.

        it does not just happen but it will if you work at it.
  • Oct 1 2013: Maybe depression is too strong In fact, it is. My most down times have been when jobs didn't work out.