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What is one thing that you wished you could have handled differently in a past relationship?

All of us must have had a relationship with someone in some way --- be it in friendship, in family, or a lover. Some of us must have learnt the hard way of handling relationships. What advice can you give, of how relationships with people can be better handled/balanced, so that relationships stay strong and grow?

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    Sep 17 2013: I wish I have been expressive in action and words so that they will know and feel that I really love them.
  • W T

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    Sep 16 2013: What life has shown me is that not everyone will be your friend.

    I have also learned that relationships get built, or deteriorate over time depending on how the parties involved nurture it.

    One of the best advice I can give someone about relationships, especially friendships, is that you must know how to put up with other's imperfections, and learn to forgive others for their shortcomings. Never expect perfection from others, since we are not ourselves perfect.

    I look forward to reading what others have to share on this nice topic for conversation. :)
    • Sep 17 2013: Truly agree that self reflection is extremely vital in a relationship - we cannot blame others, when we ourselves may most probably be at blame too. But the sad truth is that most times, we fail to look inside ourselves. I have seen many relationships that failed because they each live in their own bubbles. Do you have any methods or examples of self-evaluation & reflection, that you have used, to force yourself to forgive & accept others for who they are?
      • W T

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        Sep 17 2013: I think because we are creatures that are a bit selfish, and want to please ourselves most of the times, this "self-evaluation" and "reflection", comes with time........kind of like learning to hard way?

        Not everybody reaches this level of insight Yi Wen.

        You know what has helped me?

        Seeing my personality in another person.
        When I see my shortcomings in others, it is like a wake-up call.

        It is like an out-of-body experience. I think, wow, that's me.....hey that's not so nice. I better change.

        I think also we have to realize that humans are like a CD of music.
        You know when you buy a CD at a store because it has that song you love........but when you get it home you play it and realize the rest of the songs are mediocre at best?

        Sometimes people are that way.......they have that one or two great things you appreciate....and then other things you can do without.

        It is important to focus on the good things, and pass over the others.
        For we ourselves are just the same.......good things, and not-so-good things.

        How about you?
        What methods have you used to keep up your relationships?
        • Sep 18 2013: Thank you so much for your wisdom!

          For me I'm not so sure yet, am still learning, and would like to learn more on how to handle relationships.. : (that's why I started this conversation too :) .. )

          One thing I do every morning, is to remind myself with a prayer that goes like this:

          God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; (people/others)
          Courage to change the things I can; (myself)
          And Wisdom to know the difference.

          This is one of the methods I use, but would love to know of the different ways people use to look inwards, (or probably other ways too?) so as to better handle their relationships..
      • W T

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        Sep 19 2013: Well, I don't know if it's it life experience........or as one TEDster likes to say, "the school of hard knocks".
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      Sep 20 2013: My way of maintaining relationships was by being tolerant based on understanding other people's motivations and reasoning in an objective way. Not only neither of us is perfect but also perspective on what perfect means depends on people's points of view and backgrounds. I also had different friends for different aspects of my person and these friends were most of the time incompatible with each other but I had my personal relationship with each of them. At times I was even able to bring them together. I will have to admit that I find relationships being the hardest thing in life and my tolerant way is eroding in time...may be because the one time when it really mattered for me and I really needed someone else to be tolerant with me it didn't happened.
  • Oct 12 2013: Maintaining long term relationship is an art. It needs cunningness and one has to be very crafty, values has no place here, neither honesty nor straightforwardness.
  • Oct 9 2013: It would definitely be INDEPENDENCE ,lacking of which have ruined my last and only relationship.
  • Oct 3 2013: honesty with persistence
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    Sep 25 2013: Nothing !

    I have no regret, nor happy. so i dont want to change nything. Thats bcoz, I do not consider myself of doing nything... All just happens ! thats it :)
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    Sep 17 2013: every relation teach us wisdom ,every wisdom take from us a life ,every life is in need for love.((nothing to win and nothing left to lose)).