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Gülçin Çetindağ

teach - ESL, art

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When and how have you figured out that you are vulnerable?

Have you ever realized that you are vulnerable? Are you ok with facing this reality?

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    Sep 6 2013: This is such a nice topic to discuss Gulcin.

    I think that living life in and of itself puts us in a vulnerable position.

    It takes time to come to this realization.

    Once you understand that vulnerability is part of living, then you are better able to accept this reality.

    Are you thinking of vulnerability in general?
    Or would you like to discuss vulnerability in specific arenas?
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      Sep 11 2013: Hi Mary M.,

      Thanks for ur nice reply. I definately agree with u that living life,itself puts us in a vulnerable position but this is ok cause what makes us vulnerable makes us beautiful,human (quotation from Brene Brown's talk about vulnerablity, I advice u to watch that).

      I'm thinking about why and how we are vulnerable in general as well as vulnerability in specific life situations. I really would like to hear some pieces of ur story about this if u would like to share.
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        Sep 12 2013: Hi Gulcin, thank you for your reply.
        I have watched Brene Brown's talk.......it is very wonderful indeed!

        I think that one of the areas where I feel very vulnerable, is online.
        Each time I think that I am able to communicate with strangers who live around the world I think "Wow"!!

        It is very scary, and very exciting all at the same time.

        What has helped me, is the fact that I feel we are all very much the same. We respond to kindness, and respect. This has allowed me to overcome the vulnerability that I felt at the beginning of my online community participation.

        What about you Gulcin?
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          Sep 12 2013: Hi Mary, I also watched Brene Brown's talk and was so moved that someone finally said what so many felt but couldn't put into words. I downloaded her book "The Gifts of Imperfection" on my kindle and was glued to it from beginning to end. Like you, I felt vulnerable in talking about myself, my fears, my struggles online because I thought that people might see me as weak. On the contrary, I found lovely people who understood and cheered me on to overcome the hurdles in my life. So, sometimes we need to allow ourselves to be vulnerable in order to get the information, advice and kindness that we need to move forward.
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    Sep 9 2013: can you flesh this out, Gulcin, what do you mean by realizing we are vulnerable, I think almost everybody realizes that if struck by a train they would die, you must mean something different, what do you mean?

    Why does the topic matter to you, why are you asking the question?
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      Sep 9 2013: Greg, I have two hypotheses to put forward about the intention of this question. I do hope Gulcim will return to help us.

      One, do you think perhaps this question is more about promoting a practice of sharing openly (including with strangers) ones most urgent fears or feelings of vulnerability? Many people have long believed this practice has value all around, while others prefer to be more private.

      Alternatively, do you think the idea is that people tend to suppress their fears and pains as part of trying to overcome them or move through life despite them and that the question encourages keeping in touch with pains and fears rather than suppressing them? As a mundane example, having a couple of months ago broken my foot, I now ignore it as I pursue my normal activities. But every now and then someone asks me if my foot still hurts. Yes, sometimes, but I am not thinking about it unless someone asks me. I don't think focusing on it or discussing it improves my quality of life or anyone else's.
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        Sep 11 2013: Hi Fritzie,

        Thanks for both ur comments and yes U interpreted my question in the way that I meant. I wanted to promote sharing personel experinces about being vulnerable cause I believe that everybody has a unique and differenr story that I can make an inference.

        Regarding ur comment, I agree that people supress their fears of being and accepting vulnerable and become more miserable..
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        Sep 12 2013: Thank you, Fritzie, very valuable. I've seen this vulnerability question before, and I realized the reason it confuses me is because it seems to me you're vulnerable in life no matter what you do. If you admit your weaknesses, you're vulnerable to someone not giving you the help you hope they might give you, or even exploiting you. But, if you talk about your strengths, you're vulnerable to being criticized for "bragging," or even to being attacked by envious people. If you walk a middle line, some might say you're too bland. But you're right, I suppose the most common way people mean vulnerable is to admit your weaknesses. Or to allow yourself to feel emotions for someone, like love, knowing they might disappoint you.
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      Sep 11 2013: Hey Greg,

      I asked this question to know about different people's experiences of being fragile, vulnerable . For example, when I got divorced, I suddenly and shockingly learnt how badly my heart has broken, how vulnerable I am. First I didnt want to accept this reality for it hurts a lot but the more ı tried to ignore this truth, the more I was in pain, trouble. I felt relieved when I faced and internalized this fact, I accepted that I am vulnerable, if I love, believe, trust to somebody or something, I can experience joy, happiness and excitement but if everything doesnt go well, ıt may hurt, my heart may be broken again... This is the conclusion that I deduced from my experience of facing with my vulnerability.. Hope I made myself clear with this... Well how about u?
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    Sep 6 2013: The first definition of "vulnerable" in several online dictionaries is able to be physically or emotionally hurt. While I cannot remember the first moments of my life, I witnessed my babies' cries at having a pain, like a tummy ache, from the earliest days.

    Those may be the first moments for all of us of recognizing our vulnerability. We don't remember the first moments of our lives, but they are imprinted on us, universally.

    Not recognizing vulnerability or feeling in total control of one's life would be by far the more unusual thing, because we all share beginnings that make our actual vulnerability clear.

    How could vulnerability not be inherent to the human condition? It would seem hard to deny.

    It is hard for me to see it as a new idea of the self aware, as it is built in.
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    Sep 11 2013: I don't know, Gulcin, I think I've always known that "no man is an island," in other words we all need help, and help each other, get through life. I mean, I think I realized this as a child, for example, I saw food on my plate, and I knew that I did not put it there by myself, it was grown by a farmer, who bought his seeds in a store from another merchant, and it was picked by a whole group of people and processed by another whole group of people, and a truck driver drove it to a store, and my mom bought it at the store, and she cooked it, and there it was on my plate. And I was vulnerable because if it weren't for all those people, I wouldn't have anything to eat. Is this at all relevant to what you're getting at? I'm a person who's very quick to ask for help, I think some people want to do it all themselves, if I have a problem I might only spend two minutes thinking about it, and then I call someone and ask for their help. How about you, is it easy for you to ask for help, or difficult?
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    Sep 11 2013: Yes, I know what you meant. But are you sure all people really feel so upset and sad when their parents leave them? I don't think so. Some children are selfish and indifferent (maybe their relations aren't intimate or close enough mentally)when their parents gone. They are not as sad as you've imagined.

    And as for me, I consider the life farewell to my parents as a heavy strike as your divorce to you. I'm always happy and peaceful with myself but one day if I have to say goodbye to them,I'll feel unbacked and helpless(my peace on mental will probably be broken and the vulnerability will last for some time.)
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    Sep 6 2013: When a doctor tells me my immediate relatives cannot be cured and will die soon ,I feel they will leave me soon. I will cry in tears and not sleep well.
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      Sep 11 2013: Hi Yoka,

      Thanks for ur reply.

      The example that u gave is a universal one I guess. I dont think there is anybody who isnt vulnerable at the moment of being told their beloved ones will die soon..