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Kat VonTesla

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How to let go of your old/past self

After doing a great deal of digging over the past five years or so, I've found countless books and articles on advice you'd give yourself in your childhood, teens years, 20's, etc. I've also found articles on how to plan for your future and how to visualize what you want as well as a sort of "plan of attack" in doing so. But there seem to be little to no resources out there for how to just be in your own skin, presently. I honestly don't have advice for my younger self. I had some good and bad times. And with my ego as a child/teen, I wouldn't have listened anyhow ;) I have some great plans for the future... but my problem has always been in comparing my current self/partner/job/physique/lifestyle to the one I had (nostalgic "had", not actual). I'm always trying to get back to who I am. But that "am" doesn't fit who I honestly AM now. I'd love to hear how others get in touch with reinventing their current self and how to acknowledge, honor and then let go of the old self without it feeling like some kind of a death.

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  • Aug 23 2013: You're talking about changing yourself, right? Getting rid of tendencies and habits that harm yourself or others and changing for the better. I think we all need to be working at this all the time. I usually start with recognizing that what I've done or am doing is bad. I think about where I would like to be and what I want to be doing. I then make a plan and set goals, concrete steps I'm going to take to change. Willpower alone is sometimes not enough though, in my experience. I struggled for a couple years to change who I was at one point. I found that God helped me go the extra mile.

    It's not that the old self was all bad or whatever, I just hadn't learned some things yet. It's all step-by-step progression, so once you've made your change there's nothing to regret anymore. Who you are is pretty dynamic, changing every day. By consciously choosing in the small decisions to change for the better instead of worse, I don't have to compare myself to the past and wish for it.
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      Aug 23 2013: Yes I am. And it's less about changing my whole self and more about being able to discern what from my past still serves me well and what to let go of. I don't think the qualities I'm trying to walk away from in my own past were bad or even negative. I have found, however, that they no longer serve a purpose in the life I'm living now I suppose. When I was younger, I performed all the time. I met a lot of incredible human beings and I wanted to talk to everyone, do everything and didn't want to be rooted down by anything or anyone. It was a great period in my life BUT as I've grown and started raising children, I've had good reason to re-evaluate who I was then and who I am now. While my life is still pretty good, it's not quite as exciting as it once was and I have days when it's hard not to want to be THAT person again. When you're on stage, you get that validation quickly and en masse :) The life I have now is equally as fulfilling and exciting (in different ways) but that validation has to come from myself now. The trouble is, when I have my off days it's easy to switch on that old process of "how do I get back to being that person" when it probably SHOULD be "how do I create the feelings and assurance I had then in the life I have now and from myself rather than from a crowd". It's a process :) Thanks for the input and that's great advice!

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