Daniel Early


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Got a BETTER metaphor for SEX?

In case you didn't see the talk, the predominate metaphor for sex (baseball) needs to go (for several good reasons which you can watch the talk to hear about).

The metaphor suggested was pizza, which was alright, but I bet one or more of you can come up with one or more better metaphors for sex and I'd like to hear them.

The criteria for a good metaphor is that it is comprehensive enough to supply a sufficient amount of applicable phrases.

One metaphor off the top of my head (and I'm sure you can do better) is that sex is like a good book. You shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but once you pick it up you can't put it down, the plot thickens if you know what I mean, the narrative pace is enjoyable, you can read it in a lot of positions, but when you finish with one chapter you can move on to the next, there is bound to be at least one climax if not more and hopefully there's a safe and satisfying resolution. Maybe you can't wait to read the sequel. Maybe you'll try a different author.

Now, I don't think that's any better than the pizza metaphor. So help me out.

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    Aug 20 2013: talking about sex is not fun...even to me disgusting....once you talk about it...it is not romantic any more...
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    Aug 17 2013: I haven't watched the talk (I will when I have more time and may edit this post), but I currently think that the metaphor for sex is not needed. I think we can address it as it is. While I see the value of metaphors and symbolism in literature, I think we need to be honest and direct. For me, I think children are brought up with a litle too much fantasy and too little reality. Let's say what we mean to say instead of trying to using different things to mean different things. For children (not to mention adults), this can be very confusing and I don't see much harm in adressing sex as sex.

    Halfway through writing this comment I saw Scott's comment. My bad. Didn't mean to steal you're idea at all. I have similar ideas about censorship as well. Umm yeah so I'm not English but... cheers?
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    Aug 15 2013: i haven't watched the talk but why do we need a metaphor for sex?

    is it because people are embarrassed talking openly about sex?

    i can see the humourous side of a clever metaphor for sex and that would be useful to a stand up comic but for regular conversations it's like avoiding the uncomfortable bits.
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      Aug 15 2013: I see, nice observation. Thank you for being the first person to weigh in on my conversation. However, for everything there is a time and place, Scott. There is a time to speak literally and a time to speak figuratively. Factoring in the... well, fact... that there is a time for being figurative, what metaphor would you propose? Pretend there are kids around OR super 'religulous' folk and we have to speak in innuendoes!
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        Aug 15 2013: i'll be honest - i'm not really the sort to censor myself for the benefit of others.

        although i would probably be conscious of children within earshot, adults making their way in the adult world need to understand that the real world is not like a tv show and i'm not concerned about offending my market audience.

        i'm in a band and have been guilty of spouting deliberately ambiguous and offensive comments simply because mainstream media avoids it.

        my brother reckons i have mild tourette's syndrome but i think i just like chucking verbal spanners in the works.
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          Aug 15 2013: I know you're in a band, because I looked at your profile to decide if you had a cigar or a pipe in your mouth.

          Censorship is overrated.

          THEORETICALLY, though, if you someone was holding a gun to your head on stage at a concert demanding that you speak directly into the mic and share a brand new, widely accepted metaphor for sex, what would it be?

          Part of me has to believe, now that I'm beginning to think about it, that there is some musical metaphor it remains possible for someone to make....
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        Aug 15 2013: it's not a cigar, it's a meat stick - like a bier-stick or mini salami. tastier and much healthier than a cigar.

        like a pop song, sex shouldn't be too complicated or last longer than 3 minutes ;)
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          Aug 15 2013: I realized there was no smoke, but with the glasses, hat, and collar evident in the photo I got a '30s beat reporter kind of vibe and figured you to be the kind of fellow that sits before a typewriter with an unlit cigar they half chew to pieces.
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        Aug 15 2013: What a Scoop..!
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      Aug 15 2013: On second thought, I gave you a thumbs up, because I have a deep-seated and heart-felt appreciation for those who dare to first consider the premises of the question and, if necessary, un-ask the question. Kudos. My fedora off to you, good sir.
  • Aug 19 2013: This is the most chauvinist thing you'll ever here me say, but men are big stupid animals so we all get this analogy:

    Women are like cars.

    Every see a rich guy driving a Buick? Probably not. He can afford the Lambo, but that type of car is not very reliable or affordable in terms of maintenance. The average guy will probably be driving some kind of random sedan- but we all trade up several times until we get something we can drive until the plant us in the ground. Or we go out via heart attack cause we are 85 years old and trying to do 140 in a Maserati.
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    Aug 16 2013: Sex is like a box of chocolate, you never know what' you're gonna git (Forrest Gump).

    The sequel - wear a condom