TED Conversations

Alicia Wilson

This conversation is closed. Start a new conversation
or join one »

Love is overrated.

You will never find your true love, there is no perfect relationship. Or is there?
Isn't love overrated? Isn't love just something people simply make up in their minds so they can have something to own? Something to get jealous about? Something to brag about? An excuse for poetry? Let's say love was real, that is was as pure & amazing as people make it out to be. If all of that were true, why do we cheat on the ones we so-called love? Why do we continue to hurt the ones we are 'suppose' to love. Should we just remain single for the rest of our lives? Or should we aim for other types of relationships? For example; open relationships, not monogamous relationships, communes, etc..

Topics: Lies love
+2
Share:
progress indicator
  • thumb
    Sep 8 2013: May I offer my final word on this string as it's coming to a close?

    Your are love. You are a perfect aspect if the Timeless, living in a bag of illusions. The you that is reading this is in an ocean of peace, looking lovingly out into this wondrous world with a joyful smile. As am I, as is every person and even every conscious creature.

    We are born into this world in that natural, pure state and it never leaves us. It is what we are. As babies, our minds are clear and the distractions are simple. But when we are at peace we are more fully conscious than we will be for the rest of this lifetime. We are then filled with a lot of information that finally teaches us what we are and what this world is all about. Some is true and can be found useful. Some is false and needs to be re-examined.

    Here's a simple guide. Love is that which is true, what actually is. Love is positive and rules all. When we act in alignment with love, positively, we act for the good of all, harming no one. Then we are living in love.

    When we approach that true nature, we are fulfilled. When we live in it we love all life (as the timeless self that we all are) When we do not, we suffer.

    We can be at peace with all people if we approach every situation kindly and respectfully. All we have to do is scrape off the "not-love" to find real true love. Every person of every race is an aspect of that love. Can you be love?

    On a daily basis our loving nature is so subtle that it is overshadowed by the slightest distraction and as we get older, they become overwhelming for many.

    Take a moment. clear you mind. Be. Breath slowly for as long as you wish. Then follow your heart and make the world a better place, for the love of your grandchildren. For the love of people. For your essential self. For life. For the timeless.

    That's love, my dears. It's easy to find. You give it from your endless supply.
  • thumb
    Aug 13 2013: I think most people fail to distinguish the difference between "love" and "being in love." Everyone loves someone/something, like parents, siblings, ice cream, the Kardashians, President Obama, etc. But I don't think anyone is "in love" with those things. I do agree, if we change it to "in love", that it is impossible. It's all pure imagination. We tend to tell people that we're in love with them once we realize that they are interested in all things we are interested in. Quotes from (500) Days of Summer "Just 'cause some cute girl likes the same bizarro crap you do; that does not make her your soul mate."
  • thumb

    . . 100+

    • +2
    Aug 11 2013: "If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours.... and if they don't, they never were."
  • Aug 10 2013: I recall this question was raised by a guy some time ago.

    When I joined that conversation I wrote that love is not overrated.

    But I want to change my answer this time—in a bit different way.

    Love is overrated to a person who misuses this word(love) to whatever they feel like they're into it.


    Perhaps love is always ‘something more’ than we'd ever expect.
    Some say love is perfect, but to me it’s quite faulty at times.

    I just hope I’m wrong and it’s just that I’m still immature to understand what love is.

    That would help idealize the belief for ‘love’
    For I’ve heard it’s so powerful.

    Still need to grow up, huh..?
  • Sep 7 2013: First Id say you must define love. The bibles definition is in 1stCORINTHIANS 13:4 love is patient n kind it does not envt it does not boast it is not proud or rude or self seeking or easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. It does not rejoice in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects trusts hopes and perserveres. I know this guy he is jealous n quick tempered n selfish n remembers all her mistakes puts insane restrictions on her. But yet he says he loves her!!! According to this definition no way! I think he will protect her from other people but not from his negative influenced behavior. I say I love my wife but I still wanna have other women also, I dont want her to get hurt because of this and Iwont leave her just because of my other desires. Love must be a multi-layered BALL of hormones, emotions, thoughts{conscious and sub-conscious} circumstances, natures purposes, temporary feelingssensations, expectations, its logic defying its ever changing but the same . I AM STARTING TO LOVE THESE INTELLIGENT CONVERSATIONS. So obviously love is real and subject to interpretation or definition. There are so many aspects to love its not as simple as wechalk it up into 1 word. This reminds me of the saying god is love undescribeable, undeniable, amazing, debateable . I use tosay Ihate lovecause it seemed like a weakness but really its so awesome we cant contain it in its totality!! LOVE ANDREW
  • thumb
    Sep 4 2013: My view is this; when we realise the essential self that is in us, is also in others, then we know love. This leads us to the habit of treating others as we'd like to be treated and taking responsibility for the pain in the world. The film industry has lead us to think that sexual attraction, when satisfied, is love. I guess that view sells movies, but its not true.

    We are all one and we have the same basic nature, hidden under our considerations of who we are and the illusions we hold about the world. That nature is peaceful, loving and joyful. We can call the timeless power of life by any name we wish and we can know it to any degree we wish.
  • Aug 19 2013: To love is an ability. You have to be capable of loving.
  • thumb
    Aug 14 2013: True love has no strings attached.

    Love possesses not nor would it be possessed.

    No realtionship is perfect participants has to work on it to make it one.
  • Aug 11 2013: The more I love the more I like to question myself:How much love can I understand in my life?I think love is a dynamic and meaningful theme in my life
    • Aug 13 2013: Ed, I think I understand what you mean.
      When I had my 2nd child, I remember feeling pure love for both him, and my daughter, and my husband, all simultaneously, so much I didn't realize I was capable of feeling! It is dynamic, it is a roller-coaster of a thing. It's as if it has tides, it's organic, it's raw and primal.
      • Aug 14 2013: Hi Dear Lizanne Hennessey.I think it is amazing to be aware of love is there.When I wasn't aware of it,I think totally because I am still not in the quality to feel it.I think if I take love as a grant,it is totally my fault to ignore the most pleasure in my life.

        So true love comes from inner quality to enjoy,to treasure,it is from inner to outside...
        • Aug 14 2013: I couldn't agree more - when love is given and received unconditionally, it is the most precious thing anyone can feel.
      • Aug 14 2013: Sincerely hope the love can spread like a seed around every corner in the world:).

        Enjoy Dear Lizanne Hennessey:)
  • thumb

    . . 100+

    • +1
    Aug 10 2013: .......true love never fails.
  • thumb
    Aug 10 2013: Yes, love can be absolutely as amazing as people make it out to be- and more so.

    It has nothing to do with owning, bragging, or jealousy.

    Selfish people may have a harder time finding and sustaining a relationship of abundant love over a lifetime, but I have known even very selfish people who have.
  • thumb
    Aug 10 2013: Love is such an elusive term. Not playing with semantics when you throw in the term, "in love" for example. Whew! Don't get me started.

    My former sister-in-law gave me the best perspective when I was newly married. Of course I didn't know it at the time. She shared that when the relationship is good you can't imagine it being any better, and when the relationship is bad you can't imagine it any worse. Truer words have rarely been spoken to me.

    I've found for myself that trouble arises in my relationships when I abandon self love. When I tolerate less than what I know I deserve (whether romantic, friend, or family). Going along to get along to the extent that it becomes self betrayal. As I honor myself I bring honor to the relationship. I wouldn't cheat because that would bring dishonor to myself. Ultimately it has nothing to do with the other person. It's about me relating to the highest version of myself.

    When I was younger I thought that love was enough. Now, I know that it's not. In order for love to thrive I must practice self love and self care. This makes me more attractive to myself and organically to someone else. I'm not trying to have a relationship where we are two halves trying to make each other whole. I prefer two whole people that both freely give and share with each other for as long as they choose to do so.

    Blessings:~)
  • Aug 9 2013: A lot of questions here! Could we add another aspect of love----the desire to do something nice for someone. It could include a desire to do something good for another person, even a pet.

    Two people meet in a place and strike up a conversation. Discovering they could have some common interests they trade contact information and express a desire to meet again. They like each other. This liking can grow into a love to do something good. How can you do something bad for someone you like and grow to love? Love doesn't have to be defined as for marriage or familial; it can be a broader love for another human being. A civic club could take up a cause to help a child who is likable, but is ill and needs help, for example. The club acts and the child and his family benefits.

    Love can grow when people increase desire to sacrifice for others. Deep affection can mean deep sacrifice and deeply felt desire to spend more time together. A marriage built on this kind of love is likely to endure.

    One does not have to be married to supremely love others. Love for a spouse can result in a great team of parenting for children. What is it other than love that causes parents to "do without" so that children can have an education, even clothes and adequate food?

    Love for a great artist is another aspect of love. Would you like to meet a great performer just because you'd like to do something nice for them? Not many of us would have a chance, but the feeling could be universal.

    Defining love in a positive relational way benefits all involved. Forgiveness comes so much easier when love is real, fluid and active in one's mind.

    So much could be said. What say others here?

    I wish you well.
  • thumb
    Sep 9 2013: I recently read "The Empathetic Civilization" by Jeremy Rifkin, and was surprise to find that marriage and love as we think of it today, is a fairly modern convention. It was no always this way. Housing dictated many of the social norm around reproduction and child rearing, Most marriages were arranged, since women were considered property. So romantic love is an invention of modernity.
  • Sep 6 2013: i believe love does exist and i find it to be the unique connection between two human beings which occurs naturally.most people in couples confuse the feeling of love with other emotions which are triggered by the person they "love".for example a couple months ago i meet a very beautiful lady and i did not feel anything for her at the time until one of my friends said ''wow dude she hot" and ever since then i always wanted to be around her and in her presence.after a while i thought i was inlove but then soon released that i only wanted to be around her because it gratified my ego i was not sexually attracted to her nor did i care much about her.so i confused the feeling of having my selfesteem boosted combined with the feeling of worthiness for love.
  • thumb
    Sep 5 2013: The greatest thing in the world is just learn to love and be loved in return.
    I always believe that one day I can meet my Mr.Right. Maybe I'm too young to talk about love, but I think I have felt it at least once or twice in my life. We loved someone and now maybe that one becomes the past and we are loving another person. Love happens in every time and every places, we all have the chance to be the lucky one who meet our love somewhere.
    If someone is born to belong to you, nothing can tear you two apart, even death. Oscar Wilde has once mentioned that"The mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death." Just enjoy the mystery of love, enjoy every happiness or every sorrow you've got from it, then you can feel it exists.
  • thumb
    Sep 5 2013: MAYBE YES love is never perfect and is something people simply make up in their minds so they can have something to own. But you've just justified it yourself. Love exists because it brings us humans lots of emotions. And, blame it on ourselves, even if we know that there isn't such perfect love, we would still crush on someone, fall in love, become jealous, become heartbroken. That's why love exists. Thanks to love, we get to experience all this. We love, so we envy, hate, believe, hope... and that's what made us humans.
  • thumb
    Sep 2 2013: You cannot think about love. You can only think of a "person" whom you love but that thought is not love. Gradually thought takes the place of love. so its varied depending on your understanding of love.
    I think the entire idea of love is misunderstood -
    When you love something and expect the same back, then it is not love, it becomes mere trade.
    People love something and feel bad if they don't get what is expected in return, in that case there is suffering of human mind .The person is becoming a slave because he is trying to possess something..but where there is suffering there is no love.The moment one wants something they are not free . Where there is love there is happiness and not suffering and most important there is freedom. That is why if you love anything just love it and not expect anything back.
  • Aug 31 2013: imho, love is started by an interest to something/someone until the interest feel changing into what we call love.
    and when you are in love you are still interest to that, so people cheat and changing partner because they no more feel interested

    horrible english :(
  • thumb
    Aug 25 2013: For me, love is an all or nothing thing. You either have it, misconceive it, or don't have it. Too many times love is mistaken for affections for people and things that reside in one's comfort zone. A love for all becomes a healthy acknowledgment of perceived enemies and respect for the pursuit of happiness.
  • Aug 23 2013: I don't know what kind of history you've had in your life that's made you feel this way, but it must have been pretty terrible. I'm sorry you've had to go through that. Love is real, but it's not magic, luck, or innate. Love is when you put someone else's needs above your own. For love to be mutual, you both have to put each other above yourself. That's hard, and it takes work, as well as commitment. It can be hard to imagine that kind of relationship unless you've seen it, which is why I'm grateful to my parents and grandparents for showing me. They support each other completely no matter what. It's kind of ridiculous, actually, how united they are. That's been a focus of mine now that I'm married as well. One of both mine and my wife's main goals in life is to really love each other. Really be able to trust each other so completely like that. So far it's going well, as it has for other members of my family. I know in today's world that kind of relationship is getting rarer, which makes it all the more precious. Make it a priority to be the kind of partner that can make that relationship work, and make it a goal to find someone with that same mindset. They do exist. I found one, and I'm trying to be one.
  • Aug 23 2013: love is something people usually think of as innate rather than learned, yet observation shows that we do in fact learn how to love, and when that learning is flawed and incomplete (as is often the case) pain and suffering are the result. it seems your question refers mostly to romantic love and specifically to sex and the types of relationships. i believe this is currently a great variable depending once again on how we learned love. i doubt very much there is one way that will work perfectly for everyone, but in a world of 7 billion, it is a matter of finding someone who you fit well with, whatever your lifestyle is. remember thoug that love is learned and we are potentially all still learning, always.
  • Aug 23 2013: A friend and I were once talking about this and he believes that the reason people cheat and marriages fail is because the ones in the relationship tend to settle with who they are going to marry and don't truly 'love' the other. They see all of they're peers starting to settle down and decide its time for them to do the same. They developed this idea that people need to get married during they're 20's or 30's instead of waiting for the perfect 'one'. Or maybe they get impatient and just can't wait any longer to claim they're in 'love'. I feel like everyone has multiple 'soulmates' and only a few are lucky enough to find one of them and enter a relationship. With these soulmates true love exists. It's almost as if a lot of people are 'in love with love' and too quick to rush into a relationship.
    • Aug 23 2013: I don't believe in soulmates. What determines if somebody is really your soulmate or not? In my experience it's a choice that you make. Instead of waiting for somebody perfect for you, become somebody that can love. Put other people's needs above yourself, and look for somebody who'll do the same for you. I did that with my wife, and we got married at 22. Super young, but we both had the commitment to support each other no matter what that is necessary. When you should get married is entirely up to your maturity and your ability to be unselfish about the relationship, be that younger or older. And since people change every day, that time may come sooner or later. Some people never learn how to love, others learn it as teenagers.
  • thumb
    Aug 22 2013: First, Love is one of the most subjective words in our language, it is up their with God and Morality as something every person has their own interpretation of what it means to them.

    But I think love is sourced from within, we do not get it from others in any way, your love for them is from you just as their love for you is from them.

    Without love, no matter how well we know a person, they are fundamentally strangers to us, they are a form without substance. But with that love, being sourced from us, even when they are gone or you "fall out" with them, that love is still there, you have just built an obstacle or wall to distort the link.

    Say a loved one dies, we miss them and feel this pain, but all the love you had for them is still there, their form is gone, their interaction is gone, and that is what we miss, but the love, the substance is very much still there. Love is like that, people die, we die, but there is some solace in this imprinting ourselves on this universal power that in essence sources all that is, the source of all value, if not more.

    But I also like to warn of the dangers of love, we can form attachments to objects of love and attachments are always dangerous to have, albeit unavoidable, but we need to discipline ourselves in that. Attachments can cause desires and fears that can greatly disturb our rational thinking, and we can behave in destructive ways as a result.

    The idea is as I said, love is not going anywhere unless you cut it off yourself, even if what you love is gone, so desiring what you already have or fearing to lose what never can be taken, both are really irrational. The desire or fear does not improve the quality of love, nor does it cause love to cease by not fearing or desiring, really that fear and desire tends to be more a way to ruin the whole situation in the first place.
  • thumb
    Aug 22 2013: My prayer to God

    Give us lots of love
    so that we can see the world full of love
  • thumb
    Aug 22 2013: Afganistan- Pakistan, Syria - Egypt etc

    Hatred prevails,

    love is under used.
  • Aug 22 2013: i believe love can be whatever you want it to be. You can feel love in many different ways. No body in the world can feel the same love as someone else. Everyone feels different love. There are so many different shades and types of love.
    Love isn't just one thing everyone feels. It's a range of emotions and feelings. Many different kinds of feelings and emotions in every person. None of them are the same.
    • Aug 23 2013: I think that's true to a certain extent. Certainly everybody feels a lot of different things and calls it love because they don't know any different, fed by Disney and pop culture that love is this or that. I call love an unselfish desire to put someone else's needs above yourself. When two people both do that, I call that love. When two people hook up to have sex, that's not love.