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Amy Winn

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What can we teach our children about marriage, using advice from our successes as well as our failures, to teach them how to be a good mate?

Why is it that with each passing generation of marriages, there is an increasing likelihood of failure? Why is it that our grand-parents and great grand-parents went through wars and the great depression, and stuck together? They had no cable, no interenet….so perhaps it is because they actually spoke to each other. In this “me” world, it seems that newlyweds don’t have patience, understanding, empathy and tolerance. These things are the necessary foundation of a good and long lasting marriage. Where have they gone? So my question to everyone, is how can we change this? What can we teach the next generation from our own experiences, good and bad, that may improve their chances of maintaining a long term happy marriage?

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    Aug 13 2013: If you teach them, show them the meaning of empathy, cooperation, communication, how to listen, how to resolve problems, how to respect other human beings despite their flaws, how to manage negative emotions they will have no choice but to be a good mate in marriage... But is this really what they most desire? To get and stay married? Or what you as a parent expect them to become? How about teaching them about fulfillment and self-respect, in marriage or not?
    • Aug 13 2013: Hi Anna,
      I personally think that goes without saying - respect for others can only take place when there is a solid sense of self-respect. And no, that has nothing to do with marriage, or the choice to get married.

      I lived with my husband for 8 years before we decided to get married. The choice to do so was because we already knew we would spend our lives together! By that time, though, we had been with each other through thick and thin, and built that foundation that is solid to this day, even though our original intention was not to get married at all! In Holland, and perhaps in other countries as well, if you live together for over 7 years, you aquire the same rights and priveliges as a legally married couple.

      Now, whether or not our kids decide to get married is of course entirely up to them. I expect nothing from my kids except that they will be confident to make the decisions that are right for them, including marriage, or not. I agree, it is important to teach our kids to be strong individuals, and that they don't necessarily need a partner to feel complete. But, if my kids fall in love and desire a life-lng relationship with someone, I want them to be equipped with the 'tools' to take on that task! :)
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        Aug 13 2013: "Now, whether or not our kids decide to get married is of course entirely up to them. I expect nothing from my kids except that they will be confident to make the decisions that are right for them, including marriage, or not."

        My points exactly :)
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          Aug 13 2013: Hi Anna, Your comments are wonderful. Just wanted to let you know that the reason that I posed this question about marriage particularly is because my son is recently engaged and I was seeking some words of wisdom to share with him. He has the self-esteem and good morals thing down very nicely, but the together part is a new world and some good advice in the marriage department can't hurt. So, thanks for yours... I will surely pass it on.

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