TED Conversations

Salah Eddine Bouddine

Student, Enactus ENCG Kenitra

This conversation is closed.

What is the Key to have a Great Self-confidence ?

You are a part of this World that you have to develop , But there is a lot of people how judge you in a negative way in what you do . So What is the Key to have a Great Self-confidence ? and you can not be influenced by these judgments ?

Share:
  • thumb
    Jul 31 2013: Sometimes people will judge you negatively because their values are different from yours. It is actually very similar to how one person loves broccoli or lima beans while another hates them.

    Sometimes someone may judge you negatively for disagreeing with him, even when you know the person is wrong.

    Sometimes someone may be negative because you have done something that actually is error-ridden.

    You need to consider in instances when you feel negativity which of these may be at work.

    I think a good way of building your self-confidence is to take on projects that are challenging but accessible to you and from which you learn. There is nothing like succeeding at some things that have value to you to gain confidence that you can do things of value. You prove it to yourself.

    It is valuable to have a realistic view of yourself and to accept that you will make mistakes sometimes and that everyone does. Many people are so confident that they are always right that they don't listen to others or consider what they have to say. This attitude prevents learning and personal growth. You shouldn't want that sort of great self-confidence.
  • thumb
    Aug 1 2013: Well first you have to fail a lot. Then you have to succeed a lot. Then you just have to view judgments as constructive criticism and take what you can use and discard the rest.
  • thumb
    Aug 1 2013: Hello Salah, and welcome to TED conversations:>)

    I believe that one important key to developing self confidence is to "know thyself". As Fritzie says in a comment on this thread, sometimes people will judge us negatively because their values are different from ours, they may judge us for disagreeing with them, some folks might judge us because it is their regular practice to judge others, some people use judgment as a way to try to bring us to their level of insecurity/discontent (the psychological term is called "leveling")

    It is important to consider the source of the judgment/information, evaluate the information, and if we "know" ourselves, we can use the information to improve ourselves in some way, or we can understand the source and information, and decide if we accept and use the information at all.

    Often, a judgment gives us information about the one who judges, so it is valuable information. In my perception, we are like mirrors to each other, projecting, reflecting, assimilating information all the time. If our mirror is clear and we "know" ourselves, we can seriously evaluate the information, and use it to improve ourselves, AND/OR the information can also be used to understand others.
  • thumb
    Jul 31 2013: Let me add one further bit of advice. As Ray says, it is best to avoid people you believe mean you ill but also not to surround yourself only with people who tell you everything you do and everything you touch is amazing or profound.

    Young people who are abundantly praised for things that are not in truth excellent not only tend not to learn and grow as much as those who are given constructive input but also may lose their confidence the first time they do get objective feedback.

    Many people have a small group of trusted advisers in their lives who they can count on to be supportive and yet objective. In creative business I have seen this called a Mastermind group.
  • Aug 2 2013: My view on the Key to a CONTENTED LIFE "ACHIEVEMRNT" is not necessarily to have a "Great Self -confidence", but to have a single minded dertermination to reach whatever I am capable to achieve, i.e. always try to do your best.
    I believed that I was left in a giant maze. As I travelled in it, I usually hit a brick wall "made of" negative opinion and negative judgment. What I did was simply to turn around without any resentment and went on to a new path trying to escape to a destination outside of the circumstance where I was trapped in. I had the true grit to try again and again until I succeeded to get out of this maze and completed what I was intended to do for my life.
    While I was doing all these trials and exploration, I didn't ever have the feeling that I was mistreated by the society. In other word, the "society" was always there, it is yourself who needed to adapt to it, rather than the other way round. And the negative way or judgment can be turned to favorable, only by your own hard work or proof.
    .
  • Aug 1 2013: Learning to lie to yourself about your greatness so much that even others start to believe it. Buy your own hype, and then own it into fruition. We are who we decide to be.
  • Comment deleted

  • thumb
    Aug 1 2013: .

    The key is to know that
    you have the most powerful computer today ---- the brain.
    • Aug 1 2013: Nonsense, you are just messing with the definition of powerful. You can devise lots of metrics where a brain beats a computer and lots where a computer beats a brain. If you want to use "power" we can use watts so I think computer use more Watts than a brain, clearly "outpowering" it.
  • thumb
    Aug 1 2013: Great self awareness
  • Jul 31 2013: You should never listen for those poeple whose aim is to bring you down.You are born strong and with so much capacities , you know yourslef and you are capable to do amazing things in your life .First of all strat to wake up , make different plans , start to follow your dreams but bear in mind that sometimes it works big and sometimes it does not work at all.After all the efforts will be paid inch'ALLAH ;)...Never give up on your dreams guys !!!
  • Jul 31 2013: I agree with Fritzie.

    I might add that success in progressively more difficult and complex experiences might build self-confidence in one area. Success in a wide breadth of areas, with a wide variety of people, correspondingly increases the breadth of self-confidence.
  • thumb
    Jul 31 2013: ...so confidence for me was gained by hanging out with the people,who would train me to be better at the thing the group did. Intially,I choose the wrong groups..so im good a pool,guns,acting cool and being reserved...oh and thin...but none of that was stisfying...so I joined a group of vegan,animal loving,tree hugging enviornmentalists who are kind andf not so thin and I am confident and happy. So confidence for me was not a reality no matter how hard I tried if I attempted to become a copy of something I was not good at..It felt like a hat,as in not me...now this updated version of me..I like so much..the group is just a starting point and Im sailing forward with my kind theme,feeling very good and am not interested in the offers for more stuff ,or power...so in this way confidence was like a shoe I tried on..only the correct fit seems to have worked... I hope this explains one way of looking at the event
  • Aug 6 2013: yourself
  • Aug 5 2013: Confidence comes from self-awareness. Stay from myself and observe the whole things(including surrounding and friends, family, my own relationships:)) . The more information or knowledge I get from myself, the more opportunities would come.
  • Aug 2 2013: Confidence is a symptom of a state of being.
    This 'power' is related to your diminishing sense of Self.
  • Aug 1 2013: There are two keys to confidence.
    The first key is to not worry about confidence at all.
    You have to do what you have to do anyway. Whether you have confidence or not, so just do it.
    When you forget about confidence, you respond, perform and behave as though you are confident, but without
    worrying about whether you have it or not.

    The second key, that is key to the first key, is to not think about yourself.
    When you think about yourself, one generally becomes important and that leads almost directly to becoming
    afraid, and fear inter-fears with performing with confidence.

    Let's say you believe in God. Do you ever become afraid? If the answer is yes, then what does "yes" mean?
    It means that you believe in a second God, another power and this second one has more power than the first one, because you no longer trust the first one.
    As soon as you trust the first one, you lose all fear. It is easy to perform with no fear but maybe not as exciting.
    I think this ties into what Colleen said below. "Know thyself" rather than having faith. Knowing is a fact for the one that knows and there is no doubt when one knows because it is a fact to the one that knows.
    So, know what it is that you do believe in. Come to know it rather than believe it, have faith in it or hope with it.
    Hope is false, so too does faith become false if one doesn't come to know what it is they believe in.

    Become a "faithiest" like me. Come to know and believe, and have faith in, what you know.
    If you do, then there is no doubt or else you don't really know it.
    If you come to know it, there is no worry, because you know it, trust it and can do it.

    Remember, the mind creates the abyss. And the heart must cross this.
  • Aug 1 2013: Follow your bless. Then again everyone may have a different way. This isn't helpful that people vary so much. At the wrong time supreme self-confidenced may not be a virtue.
  • thumb
    Aug 1 2013: I have this sneaking suspicion that the more I believe in others and hope for the best for them and want them to succeed and feel assured they have it in them to make a difference.... then somehow I feel confident, in them and in myself, and that's pretty great if you ask me. I don't know that I would call it a Key.
  • Aug 1 2013: For me it was knowing myself and especially knowing what i do not know. Also not being afraid to ask questions and look stupid and saying I do not know.
  • thumb
    Aug 1 2013: probably it is important to do things you find difficult to do, that challenge you. Are there things you find difficult to do, Salah, that maybe you could do and would be good for you?
  • thumb
    Jul 31 2013: What are you going to do if the way to Great Self-confidence is not anything like a door and there is no Key?

    What if there is no one thing that will make you the kind of person you want to be?

    What if being human and living life are both way more complicated than that?
    • thumb
      Aug 1 2013: Like a puzzle you take fragments from each person(I did) I saw a man pickup glass he did not drop and I though AHA! I got a hug when I was nine from my moms friend and she called me "angle"and I felt love ...I saw cop movies with evasive manouvers and I learnt to be tough and quick,I saw DaVinci paintings and loved to draw,i heard Genisis(the band) and learnt music..I saw animals and nature and fell in live..each snapshot is chosen to build my character..no one person,a mosaic...self confidence was earned by watching and listening to others brave,honest,funny,caring and I mimicked their best qualities as if I was in a state of love...I could not stop this fusion...and then I did something brave...I presented myself to a chosen few and they love it(me) and then I was a wobbley confident newbie...and now at 52,,I am as confident and stable as I can be on an impermanent earth...If I can rescue myself this way,in shards,I am CONFIDENT others can too
      • thumb
        Aug 1 2013: What if your life isn't a puzzle, since they are made of perfect, pre-formed pictures before they are cut into pieces and life is not?

        How can you be confident that because all the pieces fit together for you that they will fit together for others?

        You're only 52 years young, how do you know that the puzzle is finished? That there are no more pieces? That those pieces will fit? That the puzzle won't fall apart?
        • thumb
          Aug 1 2013: The puzzle pieces do not fit together,really,I just collect them for points of reference,as a guide...itsnot a simple task,but a nessesary one..like needing water..or conversations about music..and nothing is perfect...In my passion for music I lived in warehouse in industrial sites for ten years in a former storage loading dock..but I LIVED with drums and guitars and marshal stacks...I rode a bike 5 miles to work up hill to work as a hairdresser for the terminally wealthy...I saw poverty and banal wealth every day and shopped for good ways of being...I found rockingly brave rich ladies,fighting cancer,and lonliness and idiot muxicians who stole my bile...And the puzzle is NOT finishedI am going for enlightenment (written on the concert walls) and it WILL fall apart and I will be graceful and ready..its life round and about...as some would say
      • thumb
        Aug 1 2013: I love how you said "i heard Genisis(the band). Honestly. It was a nice little vignette over all but that phrase made me chuckle. Thanks.

        Don't be ashamed you heard Genesis booming from the great stage in the sky. I saw Revelations in concert once. I missed Genesis cause they were the opener and I was still in the parking lot tail gating when Exodus left the stage. I missed some of the following Acts, too. I've never heard Song of Solomon live, can you believe that? Still a good concert, though. The Judges played some great Numbers. I got no lasting Lamentations about the whole thing, but I am a little jealous about you getting to hear Genesis. "In The Beginning" has the best seven day guitar solo ever!!!
        • W T 100+

          • 0
          Aug 1 2013: Mr. Early.....you have a way with words.
      • thumb
        Aug 1 2013: @Mary, thank you. I'm good with punctuation, too.
      • thumb
        Aug 1 2013: Well, the Bible was the best musical festival I've ever been to. It was pretty righteous.
      • thumb
        Aug 1 2013: Well, best of luck with all that Miss Diogenes. It seems like all this talk of pieces and puzzles aside, you've struck the right 'chord' in your life.
    • thumb
      Aug 2 2013: thankyou for the new word..diogene..I looked it up ..so now I know one more word
      • thumb
        Aug 2 2013: I was referring to the philosopher Diogenes. He lived in less than enviable circumstances while pursuing his philosophical inclinations the way you lived in a warehouse while pursuing your music. He is the one that was confronted by Alexander the Great and ask Alexander if he would move a little to the side, since he was blocking the sun. Alexander reputedly said if he could be anyone other than himself it would be Diogenes and Diogenes said a similar thing in regards to Alexander, although I think the anecdote might be apocryphal.

        Di·og·e·nes (d-j-nz) Died c. 320 b.c.
        Greek philosopher and founder of the Cynic school who advocated self-control and the pursuit of virtue through simple living. He is said to have once wandered through the streets of Athens with a lantern in daylight, searching for an honest man.
  • thumb
    Jul 31 2013: Can you Give me some Examples of these projects ?
    • thumb
      Jul 31 2013: Salah, what sorts of things you should undertake depend on your interests and goals as well as the areas of your insecurity. I'd suggest doing some challenging things in the areas you know to be your strengths while also working on the weaknesses you feel you need to bolster.

      Let's say you were a good painter, not yet a good sculptor but aiming to be, and people criticize your taste in shirts.

      I would work on paintings that really stretch your skills, take on simple projects to build up your ability in sculpture, and if you really don't care what anyone thinks about your shirts, indulge your taste in shirts without paying attention to what anyone says about them.