TED Conversations

Mohammad Mohammadipour

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Do you believe in one love of your life?

Is there really only one love of your life?
is there really such a thing as finding 'the one'?
Is there really just one special, magical, perfect soul mate? Or do we perhaps get a few kicks at the old soul mate can?

Topics: Soul Mate
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    Aug 3 2013: I like Deepak Behl's answer.

    I believe that my first wife was my soul mate. We had so much in common that it was as if we had known each other for many years. I lost her to an accident three and a half years after we were married. The fact that her death was foreseen by my roommate four years before I met her left me to wondering what we don't know about life.

    I never stopped believing in love and will be celebrating my 25th wedding anniversary with my second wife. Although we have less in common than I would like, I am committed to her by what Deepak refers to as spiritual love. I put God first and my own desires second. It hasn't failed me yet.
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    Aug 2 2013: I'm reminded of a Community quote by Jeff to answer this question... I don't remember the quote, but my comment will have practically the same idea.

    I don't know what love is. Not trying to sound depressed nor do I want your pity, I just simply don't know what it means. I think there are so many songs about love because it is so open to interpretation and so vague. I wouldn't be able to say I believe even in love, since I don't know what it is. If I did for the sake of the question, I wouldn't believe in one love. This is mainly because if there is only one love, there is very little chance I'd meet her. There'd be a higher chance she'd speak my language, but it's not certain. If only one love is whittled down to only people you meet, then what if I was depressed that day. Not promoting incest, but what if my one love was a family member? I know these are hypotheticals, but I wouldn't say they aren't likely to actualize.

    Thanks for the question!
    • Aug 2 2013: Yes:) It is really true that interpretating love is opening to eveyone. It depends on who think of and feel.
      But "love" is great by itself. It makes people go from one extreme to another. Strange but beautiful.
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    Aug 1 2013: I don't know for others but for me I believe there is "the one" in our lives who we feel more connected than wtih anyone else. It does not have to be a lover or the one you are dating, it can be a friend or a great teacher or someone who would understand you more than anyone else in the world.

    It would be lucky to have your soul mate as your lover/partner. But it is rare.
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    Aug 17 2013: Yes Mohammad,

    I believe in such a thing, it is called Love of Allah.
    Through Him, all other things are put into the right place.
    What do you think?
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      Aug 18 2013: Hi Johny
      "I believe in such a thing, it is called Love of Allah"

      Q1:what is your definition of Allah, is that a subjective definition?.


      Through Him, all other things are put into the right place

      Q2: I know people who have theirown defition of Allah (God) and they do beleive in it, but their life is a misery...

      i think our definiton of Allah is to a large extent related to intrinsic tendency of human being to infinity..and pitfalls that we find in our lives...
      Regards
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      Aug 23 2013: Allah and love in the same sentence... You're funny.
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        Aug 23 2013: Allah has a sense of humor lol
  • Aug 5 2013: yes, you can have more than one love and i do not mean sex. The soul changes with life experience so if your mate does not change you will grow apart. if you both grow and you embrace the growth, your soul mate will be together.

    Do i believe in the magic occurring in a moment, yes and no. You can grow together or know you should be together, you hope forever.
  • Aug 5 2013: One love of my life. It dose not have to be only human beings. It could be an animal, the nature or my habits or something else. Human cannot live without relationships with others. There must be someone, something which attract your whole attention. Find it and get it:)
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    Aug 4 2013: i think it does'nt related to believe or don't. it depends on the situation. maybe you and your love, loving each other till end of your life or you divorce after 6 months and you be in love with another , but i think that when people get married they think that they have only one love and that person is their wife or husband but after a while everything can be changed.
    i dont think there is a lost love for one person or sth like this but when people are in love with sb they say "she is my lost half "and ... they create these stories.
    you can't decide before weeding or before falling in love that she or he is your only love forever ,or not ,
  • Aug 2 2013: I believe that one can be perfectly satisfied with one love in their life (though there were and still are many cultures which would gladly settle for more than one, though its socially unacceptable in most of the developed world these days).

    That is not however, the same as there being only one possible ideal candidate out there. Which is a good thing, because otherwise the statistics of ending up together simply don't work unless you have some supernatural entity personally managing the whole thing.

    Waiting until fate fixes your life for you typically doesn't end well in my experience. Settling for nothing short of perfect is also a great way to end up alone. Worse still, the first tends to lead to the second.
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    Aug 2 2013: No. I used to believe it once but not anymore. One love of life is completely un-human.
    1. Because human mind does not honestly work that way.
    2. If love is as great as they say, it will be tremendously selfish to shower it on one person.
  • Aug 1 2013: No, I believe love can be found in many different people. All that is required is an attraction and some commonality, i.e. background, history, interests etc. But once found, it requires commitment to be true love.
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    Aug 1 2013: .


    "Love" is the execution of symbiosis:



    4. Parenting (Primary Symbiosis)
    Parenting is the first or starting period of primary symbiosis of a newborn person’s life.
    ...
    5. Sexual Love (Primary Symbiosis)
    Sexual love is an essential component of the second period of primary symbiosis in a person’s life.
    ....
    6. Marriage (Primary Symbiosis)
    Marriage is one of the most important parts of human primary symbiosis.
    A. Origin
    Marriage was originated after biological evolution progressed from asexual propagation to sexual one. It is so because the sexual propagation can cope with all kinds of difficulties much easier than the asexual one.
    ....
    a. Husband
    The husband half is biologically assigned in charge of food-seeking, habitat constructing, defending, donating all kinds of co-body-safety messages ceaselessly to his wife (kissing, embracing, and so on) .
    His ability and smartness come mainly from the ceaseless intimate encouragement of the other half of the marriage ---- the wife.
    b. Wife
    The wife is biologically assigned in charge of the child bearing, child bring up, house hold, and etc.
    She transfers all the physical substantial materials from her own body into the baby’s. Also, she exhausts all her spiritual energy to bring up the baby or child ---- the DNA-carrier of both the husband and wife.
    That is where her mother-greatness and beauty come from.
    Her beauty and virtue are support-enhanced by the ceaseless intimate co-body message from the other half of the marriage ---- the husband.
    This is the right way that the husband and wife of a marriage work; and the right way that happy life of the couple comes from.
    Then, there will be no issue of gender equality at all.
    ....

    7. Friendship (Secondary Symbiosis)
    ....

  • Aug 1 2013: No.... but, I hope to believe in one love...
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    Jul 31 2013: No. There are 7.14 BILLION people on this planet. The only way you can believe in having only one love of your life is if you only have one love of your life and you don't want to have any other love of your life and refuse to believe in any other love of your life.
    • W T 100+

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      Aug 1 2013: What a great answer :D
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        Aug 1 2013: Thanks. You should be careful with that watermelon you're eating; it's almost as big as your face. Take a smaller piece, like this :?
  • Jul 31 2013: Love is an emotional state of being, but I think to achieve its highest level you need to commit yourself to one person. Consequently, at any one time, i think there should only be one love of your life..romantic love.

    Finding the one? Sure! it is possible. But to know, you would need to compare all possible options or get very lucky. More often, you find someone that is attractive to you for some reason, and then as you learn more about each other, you relationship grows into love. It is quite possible to find more than one person attractive. This attraction may or may not into love, depending on what your requirements for achieving this level of happiness with another person, and conversely, their requirements for achieving this level of happiness with you. There is probably a great deal of overlap between the characteristics and features of a person and personality that will generate such feelings in another person, but since we are all different, the exact mix varies slightly. When is it enough for true love? Well, that also varies by person.

    Is there just one? Probably not, but losing true love might create some emotional scars that make finding true love again more difficult as your requirements for achieving the same level of happiness are now more extensive and refined. Some of the requirements might also require a malleable list of requirements to give slight differences between the two loves (old,new) a chance at becoming part of a new package that can generate the feelings of true love.

    With some matches, it just clicks instantly and seems right quickly. With others, it takes a bit of time to mature. Both are possible and probable. Again, it depends on the people involved.
  • Aug 31 2013: Love is not possessed. It is not owned. It is not a bond that binds two. It is the very ground state of everything. If this is not your experience, you cannot Seek this Love. It must be uncovered by the obstacles that cover it. Seeking a soul mate is one of those obstacles.
  • Aug 31 2013: You'll never be able to answer this question without first defining what love is....

    In fact even if you do you'll still have a hard time answering this, as the definition will be subjective.

    To get hard scientific evidence for the definition, a non-subjective view, you could look at the chemical changes that happen to a person who says they are in love, that may get you the definition. But know those chemical changes are the same changes that occur when you eat chocolate.

    So is chocolate.. love? Is there a perfect 'the one' bar? Are we being "unfaithful" if we swap brands? Can we ever have a monogamous relationship with chocolate as there are so many forms, drinking, cakes, bars, sprinkles, baking, light, dark, etc etc etc. And why is chocolate a rarity in being available in so many forms. What does that say about us?
  • Aug 30 2013: Love is when you care even when you dont want to.? Love is hard. Sometimes I hate to love other times its all been worth it.
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    Aug 23 2013: by love do you mean the impulse to procreate?
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      Aug 24 2013: Hi Tali
      Hahahahaaa...whatt.....i mean whatttt....
      yeahh..i guess you can say that...
      cheers...
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    Aug 23 2013: Yes absolutely! However, this doesn't mean we are not capable of falling in love more than once. Life is a journey and we meet many people during our stay here on earth. We dislike many, like some and fall in love with a handful. Out of this handful I believe is one who is the love of our live. If we recognize that person and treasure them then our life would be complete and beautiful.

    The problem with most of us is that we are too busy concentrating on the shortcomings of the other person that we fail to see that they not only complete us but also make us better human beings. Before we even know it, we lose the love of our live and are stuck in an endless quest for true love. Most of us live through life without even knowing that true love had come into our lives, but we let it go because of our pettiness. We do fall in love with other people, and no matter what some people would like to call it: it's still love! But we can never feel the same way that we did with out true love.

    Most of us will just accept true love as an illusion and resign ourselves to a demeaning and sad fate of emptiness and hatred. I only wish they taught about love in schools. Love should be a core subject throughout the academic spectrum. Just imagine how wonderful this world would be if only we all discovered our true love, and cared enough to make it last for a life time!

    Just imagine a world in which everyone felt loved, and loved someone very dearly to ensure that no one or nothing spoiled this beautiful world that their loved ones lived in.

    Well, it's a Utopian dream but I do wish at least our children were given a better chance at building a world full of love. They need to be taught from our experiences and heartaches.

    What do you all have to say about making human sciences, with a focus on human relations and the intricacies of love, as a core subject in schools and colleges?

    I have a lot of ideas to share and questions to ask. Waiting for TED to be back from vacations. :)
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    Aug 18 2013: Friend,

    You are asking me to define God; I wonder if you see the impossible task you put in front of me.
    It is difficult enough to define Love, as we think we can, let alone God.
    I don't live among definitions, but among realities.

    Realities are undefinable, a definition merely points to the reality, it does not create it by defining it.
    When you are born, Reality exists before you learn how to define/conceptualize it. Even the concept of Reality does not exist in your mind. Nothing exists apart from your sensorial experience.
    Defining something is shaping reality into a mental concept. When we conceptualize, we objectify and in doing so we create the illusion of the subjective/objective experience. I hope you see that. Prior to this, All is One.
    The concept cannot substitute for Reality.

    Trouble is we are too busy defining and conceptualizing reality and using concepts as a source of TRUTH rather than Reality itself. You cannot grasp reality, but rather be in it. We use concepts believing that we can grasp something, but you cant. Having the concept of AIR cannot help you grasp the air you breathe.
    Now, God is the Reality that we try to shape into the concept of God. But that Reality is untouchable by thought, incomprehensible by concept. Yet it is within us and we, within it, it interpenetrates all things.

    The difficulty for us humans is that we want to grasp and control it, to have a sense of power over it, to tell it what to do and play with it like a toy. But we can't, if we think we can, we deceive ourselves. That is why the book of TAO says that TAO is like water, it is an infinite flow without source or destination. But our conceptualizing mind cannot handle that, it can only handle limited experiences. So we try to limit the Unlimited so that we can grasp it conceptually. But we fail. The moment we wake up to this fact, we behold Reality (God). Then we can see all things as they are, including soul mate, but not the soul mate of our concepts.
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    Aug 18 2013: Actually. What do you define as "True Love"? Is "True Love" a subjective experience, or can it be measured (in some way)? Is there any difference between ordinary love and "True Love"?
    Regards,
    Bernard.
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    Aug 18 2013: Hello Mohammad:>)
    I suspect this question is like many other questions we have about the life experience, in that it depends on what an individuals perception/belief is?

    If we are open to the possibility of more than one love or soul mate, that may be what we create and/or attract in our life. If we believe that there is only one love/soul mate, there will be no room in our heart and mind for another. I prefer to be open to possibilities:>)
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      Aug 18 2013: Hi Colleen
      I hope you are fine..

      "I suspect this question is like many other questions we have about the life experience, in that it depends on what an individuals perception/belief is?"

      yes it is, you know that i like to challange common sense..concerning my nowadays life this question come up, is it really good to be in a relationship...?..in some cultures, like Iran people are really stric about one love of their life who is their wife, or husband,,and clearly society support that...and it works,,,but living abroad got me to this conclusion that i don't feel good when i am in a relationship...and the more i spend time with absolute strangers the more i enjoy...

      "If we are open to the possibility of more than one love or soul mate, that may be what we create and/or attract in our life. If we believe that there is only one love/soul mate, there will be no room in our heart and mind for another. I prefer to be open to possibilities"

      I think love is a kind of sickness....the reason why i usually feel pain when i am in love..
      a conscious relationship....spending time with absolute strangers....kissing beautiful people that you don't know at all...is the best form of relationship to me...
      warm regards
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        Aug 18 2013: Hi Mohammad:>)

        I am fine....thank you.....and I hope the same for you my friend. I am aware that you like to challenge and explore Mohammad, and I admire that in you:>)

        Perhaps you do not feel good in relationship because you have not met the person with whom you feel good, and perhaps you are not meant to be in one relationship. Based on our conversations, it feels like I know enough about you to know that you have good intuition and a logical mind, so you KNOW about yourself and can make good choices by considering all information.

        I do not agree that love is a sickness, and I DO agree that it can be challenging at times. Be careful going around kissing strangers my friend! LOL:>)
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    Aug 18 2013: No. Marriage should be a 10 year contract. "One True Love" is just false.
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      Aug 18 2013: Hi Bernard
      "No. Marriage should be a 10 years contract. "One True Love" is just false."

      Q: i guess 10 years is to some people 5 years, to some body 1 year, and nowdays 1 week to 1 day...
      is this the evolution of relationships?....(of course some people who believe in one love of life might call it something else..)
      Regards
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        Aug 18 2013: To be honest, I was paraphrasing Bertrand Russell. The contract can be renewed of-course! :-)
        It's just most people don't love eachother at a constant level for a long period of time! (Does that make sense?).
        So for instance if I got married I may love them lots at the beginning, but 5 years in think it was a mistake.
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    Aug 16 2013: Hi Mohammad,

    My story Charismatic Connection is about Chris and I who recognized each other at the deepest level. However,our personalities were in pretty bad shape. Chris was a very close soul mate of mine. Chris died 12 years ago, it has taken me years to ready myself for another encounter with an eternal loved one. Feel free to grab a copy of Charismatic Connection www.amazon.com/dp/1478397691/ . I would like to know would you think of my unique experience.
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      Aug 18 2013: Dear Serene
      I was impressed by the fact that you are a successful writer, thank you for asking me to have comment on your book,I will buy and read your book as soon as possible.
      Best Regards
      Mohammad
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        Aug 18 2013: Thank you Mohammad!

        My goal is to keep the conversation going...Please stay in touch.

        Warm Regards,

        Serena
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    Aug 15 2013: What most people think of as the one love: is truly the deepest most profound eternal mate!

    However, this profound spiritual love is Not common!

    It takes a tremendous amount of understanding one's dysfunction and transforming that.It takes an understanding of the masculine and feminine mind within one's self and connecting with the soul.

    We have only One other half of our spiritual self but many soul mates. They come into our lives to wake us up to our spiritual nature. If you have an attraction to someone become aware of the energy of your body-if it is below the waist first , it is just a sexual attraction and nothing more.

    Read Charismatic Connection: The Authentic Soul Mate Experience to uncover the knowledge and obstacles for an amazing encounter with our eternal loved ones...www.serenajade.com.
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      Aug 16 2013: Hi Serena
      "If you have an attraction to someone become aware of the energy of your body-if it is below the waist first , it is just a sexual attraction and nothing more."

      I think sexuI attraction is sth beautiful, and we can have it all?.... like a process of synchronization...
      Regards
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        Aug 16 2013: Hi Mohammad,

        Yes, a sexual attraction is beautiful! However, a soul mate "sees" the other person's eternal being first then the sexual attraction. Believe me another person CANNOT compete with that intensity!

        Warm Regards,

        Serena
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          Aug 16 2013: Serena
          "Yes, a sexual attraction is beautiful! However, a soul mate "sees" the other person's eternal being first then the sexual attraction."

          so, you believe that there is the one out there for anybody?...may i ask that...have you found yours?

          "Believe me another person CANNOT compete with that intensity!"

          you mean, there is only one soul mate?

          Kind Regards