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Why do we embrace mediocrity in relationships? Because we are either so perfection bound or sex is the only value of relationships.

We face obstacles all day long, whether it is the traffic jam on the highway, people at work, delayed and much needed info, our friends, kids etc. We work through these obstacles and can often feel invigorated by championing the challenge. Then why do we pooch out so easily when it comes to relationship obstacles? Why do we give up so easily and why are we not as a result concerned with the idea that about 50% of all marriages won't make 25 years. Why is the work of relationships seemingly so low on the priority list?

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  • Aug 7 2013: I believe, fundamentally, that one of the biggest problems with how society sees marriage is that they are looking for that other person to be the one person who "gets them", like you said about mothers, that one person who is going to make them happy and "complete" them. Then we run into problems, because people are flawed and sinful, and, like you said, narcissistic. Change is too hard, and "why do I have to change to suit another's needs anyway?" "I need to be true to myself". Big mistake. And especially in today's world of throwing anything away anything that is broken or doesn't bring us happiness instead of fixing it, we give up too easily. Noone ever said marriage (and life, for that matter) was supposed to be easy. We're all looking for that "happily ever after", but the reality is, marriage is work. And if we give up too soon, we'll never give it a chance. We have to start realizing that we can't look to our spouse to be our soul mate, the perfect one that is going to solve all our problems. That is an impossible dream that you can only portray in movies. The dream comes when we tough through the hard times and come out on the other side better for it. Don't give up on each other, and don't give up on yourself. And don't be afraid of change. Change can be painful, but in order to grow, you're going to have to face your fears. But that's where your spouse can come in. They can be a mirror. And, this is a big one for me. Don't take it so personally when someone tries to help. And don't take yourself so personally either!
    • Aug 7 2013: Stephanie you said it perfectly...wow! I am a marriage therapist and you described the majority of clients who come in. Amazingly they rarely see their reflection in the mirror and give all their power away to something outside of themselves that cannot work because that "other" isn't perfect either. Thanks for your comments

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