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Mark Laing

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Why do we embrace mediocrity in relationships? Because we are either so perfection bound or sex is the only value of relationships.

We face obstacles all day long, whether it is the traffic jam on the highway, people at work, delayed and much needed info, our friends, kids etc. We work through these obstacles and can often feel invigorated by championing the challenge. Then why do we pooch out so easily when it comes to relationship obstacles? Why do we give up so easily and why are we not as a result concerned with the idea that about 50% of all marriages won't make 25 years. Why is the work of relationships seemingly so low on the priority list?

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  • Jul 28 2013: What would be your definition of mediocre? What would be your definition of a great marriage? What do you think is the number one promoter of mediocrity? In this conversation it appears that most recognize the importance of communication and inter-connectedness. I have heard many talk about this disappearing the longer the relationship lasted. Some who lived together for a period of time have said that this inter-connectedness and communication disappeared altogether when they got married. Are the "ideals" of marriage too lofty and communication dwindles when one or both begin to feel it is impossible to attain?
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      Jul 29 2013: Marriage holds no weight at all anymore. I disbelieve marriage has any grounds for holding any two people together. It's now all about the paper work in the end. That is the only place where marriage holds any merit for discussing.
      Mediocre relationship="good morning hun"...work..."what you want for dinner? Don't know, What you want? Don't know.... So, what are we eating? Oh, I had a sandwich earlier. OK, I'll find something" ..."good night hun" repeat six or seven times and add sex once. :) Does that paint a mediocre (dull) picture or what? The lack of spontaneous activities and renting a 5 star hotel room in the city you live in, I don't find anything about this being a spontaneous "activity". Dumb.......lol! (sorry, inside joke, that never happened)
      I disagree with Perel's last thought in her speech, if I understand correctly, everything else was taken in. Everything else in life just about is on a schedule (sleep, work, eat, shower...Wah, sex too?) why would I want to add sex to this schedule? And this was not the "activity" I was thinking of above. Seriously, what man wants or would enjoy being on a sex schedule? Boy, that's when the headaches really start coming in, pun intended! I got that T-shirt
      • Jul 29 2013: Your comments although understandable seem angry and maybe jaded to some extent. Although I see difficulties within relationships I am not ready to throw the baby out with the bath water. The challenge when a relationship becomes dull and boring is to become an expert on what you have contributed to this sad state of affairs rather than becoming an expert on what the other does that fails to create excitement. In my marriage I frequently consider what I have done or am doing that is dysfunctional before I begin to consider my wife. The only one I can change... the only one I am responsible for to change is me.
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          Aug 2 2013: "when a relationship becomes dull and boring is to become an expert on what you have contributed to this sad state of affairs rather than becoming an expert on what the other does that fails to create excitement."

          You have to have someone to relate this to you though. Someone to make suggestions what could possibly make things better with out getting the feeling of being manipulated and you have to do the same back. It's more about trust to get to an agreed goal. No point in trying to talk to an empty face over and over again. I'm jaded of "passive aggressive" actions in relationships and standing up to manipulations that eventually come about in a power struggles. I'm angry about the law in just about the same way. I feel like I ate 6 shit bars and they continue to serve them, I refuse to eat them anymore! I want to see my kids and make a difference in their lives with out eating shit bars for the rest of my life or with out feeling what I think is best for them is judged worthless, powerless. A mother has to be strung out on meth before the law sees any worth in a father besides "money".
          Thinking about throwing it all away but not ready, eh? Pfff... that's weak dude and you both are responsible for each other (trust). And if she is thinking it, it is just as weak on her part. There is no trust bond when someone is always considering leaving for a reason you have no idea of (one foot in, one foot out). Marriage means shit because "feelings change"? ....it's a clear cop out, never truly there then!!! It's a "I thought I fart (relieve, I found him/her), but I pooped (What have I done!!)" feeling isn't it? :) Recycle it, lol! or you will be eating poop bars for a long time if ya'll have kids together. They will have poop bars to eat as well.
          I hope this isn't too raw. Point is to find a way to get "back" on the bright side of things again, BOTH, not just one.

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