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Jaden Backman

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What is your thought in a young man and a lady live together before getting married?

Recently,I came across this question,struggling on whether or not choosing living with my girl friend.I need your insights or experiences, to help me out in this trial.


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    Jul 24 2013: Stop struggling, start living!

    Marriage is only a concept. If you two wish to life together, then do it. If you two wish to get married later, get married later. If you two wish to spend a period or the rest of your days together, unmarried, then do it.

    My hope for both of you is, that your society is ready to accept and respect your wishes.

    I was lucky to have been born in a time where the society in my country, Germany, had already learned to respect personal choices of living together without marriage, which made life much more easier for my generation and the once following.

    But even though, it lasted until 1992 that unmarried couples were treated equally to married couples in terms of their legal rights, but at that time only for heterosexual couples.

    It took many more years until 2006 to allow unmarried and homosexual couples to have been granted the same legal rights than unmarried and heterosexual couples, and married couples, which is the status quo up to now as much as I know about it.
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      Jul 25 2013: My country's status quo is pretty much the same as yours. I struggle all for both me and my girlfriend's sake.She is more willing then I to live together.Aside from the support both of us could get after living tother,the part that haunting me is definitely sex.For the protection of girl,and the concern of deterioration of our relationship after that,emotional connection.
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        Jul 25 2013: I am not sure if I understand your concerns right here.

        Regarding your concerns protecting the girl: What are you 'protecting' her against? Against you, who may feel uncertain if she is the 'right one' for you, which makes you hesitate to life together? Or against 'having sex' before marriage? Or sex in general?

        From my experience I can say, that having sex with the woman I love, deepens my relationship with her. But if it was about 'sex before marriage', this would only degrade a woman to a false patriarchal concept of the 'value of 'virginity', which is nothing but a double standard as it usually does not apply to males as well.

        But maybe I don't understand your true concerns, which, in case I do, you may like to clarify.
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          Jul 25 2013: For the matter of protection,in China,people accept the status quo that having sex before marriage,but deep down,people prefer hold the first time to the time of marriage.And in the eyes of almost all of us,female is more vulnerable than male,protecting female is the responsibility of male,I think.
          'having sex with the woman I love, deepens my relationship with her',I hope this applies to me as well,your thoughts is totally the opposite of the old people's who I talked to.

          I hesitate because I am afraid of making as soon as I live with my girlfriend,I can't provide the things that I intend to,I am afraid I am not ready to give her the support in the way of finance and emotion and time,etc?

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