TED Conversations

Morgan Rich

Life Coach, My Family

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How can we help kids and teenagers develop the deep belief in self they need to feel worthy, to be motivated, to feel confident?

The concept of those who feel a sense of love and belonging are those who FEEL WORTHY of love and belonging is awesome. In the same way, teenagers saying they want to live their passion, know who they are, and live the life they were born to live, is a great idea.

The challenge is that these things are easy to say, but hard to do. I'm curious how we help our young people gain the strength and capability to actually feel worthy, discover their Real You, feel confident, and know who they are.

Yes, Grit is important. How do we learn it? I'm interested in answers beyond, you just commit to it, or just do it, or try it out. Sure, but not the shy kid who lacks confidence or the bully who is insecure beneath the bravado or the lonely kid who feels alone and broken.

If these things were easy, we'd be doing them, but we struggle. How can we help our young people feel worthy, be gritty, see the good and positive things?


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  • Jul 30 2013: I am 23 years old man. I am burnt out/depressed for the 2nd time already. I had a rich childhood, in terms of money, but lack of unconditional love. My dad have been CEO and worked hard all his life. He had not got any love himself. He have never been vunerable.

    My dad always have to do something. He can never sit down and take it easy. He constantly have to prove himself that he is good enough. It's like his life is a big marathon. What is he running from? His feelings and not beeing good enough, i think. He have told me that he was never educated. He took the "easy path" and worked hard instead. This has always been tough for him when he have been meeting other business people. Because they had 5 years on Yale and he had nothing. So he always felt less, and i've realised that i got that feeling from my childhood. I'm not blaming him, even if it's dark, I have found an enormous strength that the world shall see. My dream is big, I want to change the world.

    One day when he picked me up by car, I realised something (I was 21). We sat in there car and i pulled a joke on him. And you know what? He laughed, and I started to cry. And my father asked "What's up Robin?". It was the first time he had been present in my whole life. It's been really painfull to always live up to his standards. And he was just giving me props when I did something good in sports or in school. My struggle to be good enough is still hard. I have a '3rd degree burn' of performance anxiety. I'll let you have some 'fun' examples:

    1)When beeing hypnosed I have very bad performance anxiety I pretend to be hypnosed but I'm rather very present trying to 'think' what they want me to say.
    2)At massage, I wonder if the masseus are having a good time. Are my muscles too small? Is it boring?
    3)At a therpaist, Am i talking about the right stuff? Should I say something different? I should be funny.

    It's a constant struggle, but I'm on a good way now. When you are conscious about the problem, you are half

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