Whisky Delta

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Should government be involved in petty child custody battles that hold no evidence of child abuse or neglect in family courts?

Should petty accusations stand up in family court as it does today?

If any accusation is proved to be untrue should there be a penalty? One heavy one would be accusation of sexual abuse. Think about what the child has to go through in order to disprove this accusation.

Should an unemployed parent (actively looking for work) be forced to pay child support plus contempt of court fees for not being able to pay and should this parent be put in jail?

Do you believe there is inequality within the family courts?

Do you believe the court is really there for the best interest of the children of broken homes?

Is this an easy way our government and lawyers can make money?

Do you believe family court turns the two separated parents even further away from each other from co-parenting?

Is government a good judge of responsibility and fitness as a parent ? Thanks LaMar

  • Jun 30 2013: Yes, to try and protect the rights of each individual.

    Yes, to the extent that purgery and slander rules apply.

    If they have no money, and are on welfare, then 'no'. Each person (child, mother, father) needs enough to survive. I think jail might be extreme, but community service seems appropriate, until a job can be secured.

    I believe there must be justice in all courts. I believe there should also be impartiality in all courts. I think equality might be a goal, but difficult to achieve, given all situations are different and the interpreters of the laws are different.

    I have never been exposed to the court system where individuals are involved in family court. I have faith that in general the system works, and that both the parents and the court will try and put the needs of the child as a top priority. That would be the action of a reasonable man, and I believe judges are in general reasonable (men/women).
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      Jun 30 2013: Robert,
      I agree that it is important to protect the rights of individuals, and I believe that each individual case needs to be considered, because to answer some of these questions in general terms, just doesn't work. As you say...situations, interpretations, and interpreters are all different.

      Having volunteered in shelters, family center, dept. of corrections for years, and a case reviewer for SRS (agency which oversees children in state custody...usually because of violence and abuse in the home) for a short time, it seems that in general, there are cracks in our system. I say this, because many of the same families continue to move through these agencies for generations. The cycles need to be broken somewhere along the way, and that seems not to be happening.

      That being said, I did not observe any "petty accusations standing up in family court", and I observed that on a case by case basis, the court is there for the best interest of the children.
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        Jun 30 2013: Violence and abuse, not petty at all. There is a huge difference of what I have been exposed to. I would love to agree with the very last portion of your last sentence.
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          Jun 30 2013: I agree Vincent, that accusations of violence and abuse are not petty. What I wrote, is only my observation in a certain area. Your experience is not that the court is there for the best interest of the children?

          P.S.
          One thing we have in this area are appointed guardians for the children in family court cases. Do you have something like that in your area?
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      Jul 1 2013: predator playing victum. Classic!

      It has become more common that in a custody battle one parent will accuse the other of some form of abuse or crime to get them in trouble to get custody and we recently seen how far some people will go when a woman made ricin poison and sent it to the president and then claimed her husband did so she could get custody of the children in a divorce.

      http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/07/justice/ricin-letters-arrest
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    Jul 1 2013: Vincent, LaMar ,Barry Hi

    Your opinions are valid and significant.

    A child needs protection so does the parent with or without govn interference.
    Keep lots of check points but have faith in the system which needs to evolve and upgrade continuously.
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      Jul 1 2013: I have thought about facing the jail time many times. I don't know if this would be courageous or stupidity? In reality I can't even tell how real this is. 7 days of jail for not having a job as if being a father is totally meaningless? What is this, a scare tactic? I recently watched this speech and I could relate to it well. I started second guessing my decision of leaving and trying to fight from a distance as I job search in a hopefully better area for my career choice. I feel like I have a horse attached to each of my limbs pulling me in different directions with their good reasons.

      http://www.ted.com/talks/manal_al_sharif_a_saudi_woman_who_dared_to_drive.html
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    Jun 30 2013: Petty ? Petty child?

    A child , a future significant citizen of the country can not be left to be raised by an irresposible parent.
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      • Jun 30 2013: LaMar, you have good points.

        Adesh is correct that society has a responsibility to all children. The government may not be the best institution for exercising that responsibility. Like many government functions, child welfare is underfunded, in part because it must compete for funds through the political process.

        I think there might be a fix for this, but it would be difficult politically. We need a constitutional amendment, at the state level, that certain functions must be fully funded; I think that child welfare might top that list. Full funding would be determined by a panel of experts, not politicians. The legislature would be required to raise enough revenue to provide for the funding.

        Another problem is keeping the courts and child welfare agencies independent of political influences. Constitutions and Institutions can go only so far with this problem. In the end, the decisions must be made by people. Wise people of good character will always be in short supply.

        I agree with Adesh that "petty" does not apply to child custody cases.
  • Jun 30 2013: Any divorce or former divorce lawyer can tell you that there are real problems. My best answer is that " prior panning avoids problems and alleviates confusion." Marry someone who is somewhat compatible You can avoid many problems. How else can we do it?
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      Jun 30 2013: Someone somewhat compatible, yeah, that is what was.
      • Jul 1 2013: You are right it is complicated
        Consider what you are not thinking right now.
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    Jul 1 2013: I would like to say in closing. Every custody battle should be treated different and not started in the same bubble of old traditions of what once was (father runs off with new lover and burden of raising kids alone is a mother's role). Times have changed and there are many working mothers. Women are being treated equally in the workforce which I believe is great. I also believe the law is still stuck in a past time where it is easy for a new predator breed to still play the victim role.
    I firmly believe it is best for society to see the only reason for custody or support court battles is when only necessary. It should not be about one parent gaining a bonus check from the other. It should not be about political agenda. It should not be about more money for the court and lawyers. It should be about the best interest of the children which does not mean picking the best parent of the two for them to live with whom also gets to make all decisions for them alone. This should not be a presidential election here! Children need both parents in their lives equally when there is no major concerns brought to the table. This is what I mean by petty child custody battles. If there was no petty child custody battles then many important cases could be heard at a meaningful time (sooner).
    I see a new tomorrow: A couple with child or children splits then 1. 50/50 custody begins with no exchange in money. 2. Major decisions such as schools should be handled just as before (you give and take). A COMPROMISE! 3. If it can be proved beyond a reasonable doubt that one parent is not fit or capable of supporting (financially is the last thing under my definition of support) the child or children then a court date is set for innocent until proven guilty. I am not on drugs nor do I abuse alcohol, my career does not allow this. 4. There is no reason to have a job position called "hearing officer". This is a sign of too many petty cases. 5. If a parent no longer wants to be around, heavy $.
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    Jun 30 2013: Continued:

    First mental eval. (the bias one) had many flaws against me about the conversation (Doctor and I) we falsely had with twist of words to my harm. However, there is no where in the evaluation that says that I am a threat or danger to my children (which I also stressed to the judge).

    I have not taken another mental evaluation to this day.

    I sarcastically thank the state of Louisiana for kidnapping my children as I am held in this cycle to constantly pay when I do not have and was on state food assistance programs for the time being in which I am not proud to say out loud but it is for a good cause I believe. I offered the mother some bags of groceries (I have on video) with using this food assistance program and she turned them down in front of the kids. I was shocked in one way but not surprised in another, I regret putting my kids in front of that incident.
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    Jun 30 2013: Coleen, I understood that you did agree accusations of violence and abuse are not petty which I also agree with. I understand areas are different. No, I do not believe the court is there for the best interest of my children (in this area). I have major reasons why. Here are just a few, Judge tells me 1. to put my money where my mouth is 2. to come up with this large sum of money which is for back child support payments (double dipped), contempt of court fees, and ex's attorney fees within two weeks. 3. If you do not come up with this lump sum of money in two weeks you will be put in jail.
    A former "hearing officer" just a week or two before seeing the judge for the first time suggested that I do not rob a bank! I replied, "this is the kind of behavior this breeds, I know better not to do this!".

    I showed the judge a personal list of the 20 places I applied at within the last 2 months. He glanced at it at the most and replied, "you have assets". I had/have a home which I was living and renting out (a double). My kids had a bedroom. Things are slowly changing for the worst.

    I will defiantly check into appointed guardian and if offered in my old area.

    For the record, I was laid off little more than a year ago. Two weeks later she leaves with my kids claiming to be "unhappy". Two months later I get court papers. I am not a cheat nor a dead beat father. I have strong family values. I am not seeking sympathy, I seek justice and a right to be a father with equal time 50/50 with no transfer of MONEY as it was last summer with out the government involved. Why the bias mental evaluation I was forced to take? Because I had solid evidence of her unhealthy mental state (her own words in an e-mail). I read this e-mail (I posted here in Theodore's thread that is now closed) to the judge and his reply was, "it is not about her right now, it is about you...put your MONEY where your mouth is" which means to come out of my pocket and get two more mental evaluations.
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    Jun 30 2013: The word petty is used as if two normal parents are raising children then one calls the other "crazy" with no proof forcing that parent to take a bias mental evaluation (showed to be unbiased eval. in beginning) in order to prove to be the better parent. Example, parent lets child color on ceiling above bunk bed in her room (that is "crazy"!).

    Yes, I did use petty in a confusing way, I apologize. Referring to accusations made by a parent that competes against the other to gain more and more custody slowly. Accusations coming from a mother, well the courts suck it right up, lets be honest.