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greg dahlen

Alumnus, academy of achievement

TEDCRED 50+

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When I feel close to a man, I just feel close to him. When I feel close to a woman, I want to have sex with her. Why?

I'm a man, I get to share ideas and feelings with many different people of both sexes, and one feels close to some. Although I believe in theory when psychologists say we're all bisexual, I find that when I feel close to a man I don't have that strong sexual attraction like with a woman. Why?

I tend to think that no matter how close two guys are, they always feel a little competitive with one another, which takes some joy out of homosexual sex. Is it perhaps the same with two women? Whereas I don't feel so competitive with someone of the opposite sex. But not sure this is really the explanation.

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    Jun 24 2013: G'day Greg

    Of course that's not the case for all men especially gay men. I think for most heterosexual men it comes down to sexual prowess & fertility of themselves & the women, it all relates to the ego especially of the man. It is funny, once I have respect for the female I don’t have the same urge.

    Love
    Mathew
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      Jun 27 2013: Well, Mat, a man could demonstrate his sexual prowess as much with another man as with a woman, so I can't see that explaining it.

      What would be the relation of the ego to explaining this state of affairs?
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        Jun 27 2013: G’day Greg

        Fertility & sexual prowess has everything to do with the ego as men like to be noticed by men & women how sexually competent they are, there is nothing worse for a man to be incompetent & the reason they fell this way is because of the ego, it deflates the ego.

        If you think about this Greg, what would happen to your ego/self-esteem if you couldn’t get it up at all through your life, it would obviously plummet!!!

        Love
        Mathew
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          Jun 28 2013: Right, well, I'm focusing on the choice of which gender to pursue. Does it seem like a man could demonstrate his sexual prowess with another man, or no? Fertility, well, even older guys who don't want to have a child still go for the women rather than other men, any idea why?
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        Jun 28 2013: G’day Greg

        You’re a funny man, I’m not confused in which gender to pursue myself however!!

        Yes most definitely to your first question & to the last question; I think it’s all got to do with sexual prowess in still being able to get it up, it’s a mucho thing & of course most men will go for women because of their sexual choice, I never had kids myself & never had it off with other blokes for the reason that was my sexual preference plus I don’t do back strokes.

        Love
        Mathew
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          Jun 29 2013: Thanks, M. Well, prowess refers to your skills as a lover, not whether you can get it up or not. Right, the question in this convo is why we have a sexual preference, in theory it could be just as pleasant to do it with a man as with a woman, in both cases it's just a warm body, isn't it?--lovegreg
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        Jun 29 2013: Greg, without being too intrusive, is your Q a "Why" dalliance of thought or is it a serious matter pertaining to whatever that is within your life sphere or who is within your life sphere or they? I have seven gay family members in my family spread over 3 generations. Most people have only one or know of a couple, one thing i have learned growing up around them is that you are either gay or not gay or bisexual. Anything inbetween is childish indecision and cultural fear. This LBGT thing in my view is a group of people are too scared and clingy and want the world to allow them the self delusional thought ticket to have their cake and eat it as well. Call me what you want but beat seven then i'll listen. I'm not saying it's you in question, i was just curious, wouldn't theo be the right one to ask? If he hasn't posted already.
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        Jun 30 2013: G’day Greg
        I disagree Greg, sexual impotence has everything to do with sexual prowess to one extent or another, talk to someone sexually impotent & they will tell you that their romanticism to a great extent towards sexual partners has abated which is of course psychologically induced.

        You could look at this differently; I knew a bloke who had a huge sexual drive but had very romanticism about him however psychologically by the sounds of it without the sex drive this person would have been even more prosaic.

        Let’s look at romanticism in a different way; artists of all kind have been known to be romantics towards their work so being impotent here shouldn’t affect their work or would it to some degree? It’s really not an easy question to answer because it all comes down to one’s psychological state of mind.

        The following link is interesting plus quite helpful in helping those who are impotent showing natural ways in combating this disorder.

        http://www.buyp3.com/news/2/Natural-Remedies-for-Treating-Impotence.html

        Love
        Mathew
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          Jun 30 2013: Cool Link, I've had those sporadic episodes and without the details it was a blow to the ego. Stress can kill the ardor.
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          Jul 6 2013: Well, again, Mat, the question is why most people are attracted to the opposite sex rather than the same sex. In theory, wouldn't one think you could be just as attracted to the same sex, after all, you can share emotions with the same sex, you can caress people of the same sex, and so on. For example, you say you never had it off with other blokes because that was your sexual preference, so do you know where your sexual preference came from? love, greg
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        Jul 6 2013: G’day Greg

        I think it comes psychologically from fertility &/or being macho, you instinctually know you can’t have children in being with the same sex all the time so you instinctually go for someone of the opposite sex even when you’re not wanting to have children, I think our attraction is driven by maternal instinct as a whole however at times lust takes over from our instincts, jails are a good example of this.
        Love
        Mathew

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