TED Conversations

This conversation is closed.

What transforms an acquaintance into a friend?

Everyone has acquaintances -- we are all acquaintances here on line. This relationship, acquaintance, is a far cry from friend and friendship, conditions that imply trust, intimacy, comfort, sharing and so on. But what is it that tips the scale?

What is it that transformed for you one of your acquaintanceships?

Was it one major event that sealed the deal or a series of encounters that slowly built your friendship out of the rough material of acquaintanceship?

Share:
  • Comment deleted

    • Jun 20 2013: Trust is a vital glue, LaMar. I suppose that is what ultimately allows people to forge strong bonds.
    • Jun 21 2013: LaMar,

      Your feminine side is showing.
      But, heck, that's a good thing...
      Well written.
      • Comment deleted

    • W T 100+

      • +1
      Jun 21 2013: "I have friends that I have known since elementary and our kids are now friends"

      Wow LaMar.....that is such a priviledge.
      Not all of us have that blessing in our life.
      • Comment deleted

      • Jun 22 2013: Mary, I am getting jealous of LaMar.
        He has a special knack of writing that causes the ladies to swoon...
        He probably grew up in a small town.
        But I have to wonder about the "letting our hair down" thingy...
        So, I've decided he must be a hair-dresser, a friendly hair-dresser.

        I was going to cancel this and erase it. But, what are friends for,
        if not to kid each other.
  • thumb
    Jun 20 2013: I believe chemistry plays a major role.
  • W T 100+

    • +2
    Jun 20 2013: Time......
  • Jun 23 2013: An acquaintance knows who you are, a friend knows who you are and cares how you are.

    A friend is someone that helps you through some sort of adversity "A friend in need is a friend in deed".

    An acquaintance doesn't want to see bad things happen to you, a friend helps prevent them from happening to you.

    An acquaintance is involved, a friend is committed.

    An acquaintance is willing to risk less of themselves in a relationship with you than a friend.

    I think any time you have a group of acquaintances that are brought together by a circumstance, and the group must somehow overcome some obstacle or adversary together that requires commitment from each person to the success of the group, that the bonds of friendship are created. The more intimate the group, the greater the struggle, and the deeper the required level of commitment, the stronger and more enduring the friendship.
  • Jun 22 2013: My Very Best Friend.
    25+ years ago I started a Brokerage and hired a Broker to sell.
    He was a quiet man. Different in that he thought for himself.
    He never seemed to care about the other Brokers, nor did he befriend any of them.
    He never went out of his way to befriend me. Always kept a distance between us.
    His production was always only fair. But I noticed that it was honest.
    He came to me and asked for an account on margin.
    His Mother had given him some monies.
    The market Crashed one fine day.
    Following that my banks called for margins.
    I got out with my skin. The Brokerage failed.
    He lost his investment, and his job.

    Later, we developed a common love of Horse-Race Handicapping.
    We spent weekends at the Tracks. Driving long distances to get there.
    We spoke not of our loses. Brokerage nor Horse-Races.

    Over the years we pursued many business ventures.
    Much cash passed between us, and never a penny was questioned.

    Today we spend late afternoons and evenings Horse-Race Handicapping
    by phone 5 or 6 days a week. We compete as though our very lives
    depended on winning. Then we share our knowledge after each race.

    I am old enough to be his father, and he is my Very Best Friend.
  • Jun 21 2013: I think a friend you just can meet but make:).you two have the same understanding of life,you two in the same level of understanding level:agree or disagree.You two do can understand each other and accept comfortable.I think in TED,I meet some of them as my friends already.
  • thumb
    Jun 21 2013: Interest and attraction to begin with and trust and respect to continue. I have few TED members here towards whom I feel very friendly. I am sure they would have been my good friends if I lived close to them.
  • Jun 21 2013: A friend is someone I trust.
    My son, and my daughter are the only family I trust.
    My best friend outside of family, remains steadfast these 25 years.
    Everyone else is an acquaintance.

    I share with all my friends and acquaintances, and treat them with respect.
    I show my friends and acquaintances love, and receive love in return.
    Many are relatives. Many are not.

    My enemies, they are legion, I treat them with respect. I receive respect in return.

    3/4's of a century gives a one a realistic viewpoint of what is trust.
    Trust makes all the difference.
    • W T 100+

      • +1
      Jun 21 2013: Really enjoyed reading your fine comment Frank.
      • Jun 21 2013: I always enjoy seeing what you write. Thank you Mary.
  • Jun 26 2013: Persistence :)
  • Jun 23 2013: Betsy,
    I wear my heart on my sleeve. Online, at the school yard, the grocery store, you name it. I have many nmany wonderful acquaintances, but I can count the number of true friends on one hand.
    These are people who have stuck with me, and I have stuck with them. They are the ones who don't necessarily write or call regularly, and don't mind the fact that I don't either. They are the ones who listen, who appreciate, who support, and receive all these things in return.
    True friendship is reciprocal, equal, a two-way-street.

    There has to be a click, a deep desire to want to get to know an acquaintance, before that acquaintance can become a friend. There has to be respect, there has to be room for communication. To me, it is a slow, gradual and enjoyable process. Friendship isn't something you rush, there's no hurry.
  • thumb
    Jun 22 2013: Repeatedly positive experience within a broad variety of circumstances in the past, leading towards a projected reliability in the future, judged on todays given knowledge.
  • thumb
    Jun 22 2013: Trust combined with commonality of thought / interest / hobbies / belief .
  • thumb

    AJ J

    • 0
    Jun 21 2013: Sometimes it is just one event or a series of events, but these events in people's lives have one common feature; That this person was there for you when you needed someone badly and they helped you out of the goodness of their heart.

    Friendship is earned. If you have friends, real friends, treasure them.
  • Jun 21 2013: Look at Myers- Briggs and personalities. Look at yourself and your friends and maybe you can see the connections.
  • thumb
    Jun 20 2013: Hi Betsy

    Friendship is a mulifactorial gradual process, with trust as the glue. No trust no friendship.

    Where intimacy, comfirt,sharing, physical closeness etc are important and trust cements the relationship and distrust does the opposite.
  • thumb
    Jun 20 2013: Finding enough of interest in the other person that you want to spend large blocks of time with him or her.