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Can We Have a Conversation About Good, Positive Sex?

So I've been wondering for quite some time why there aren't any Conversations on sex in a positive way here on TED, and those that are talk of sex as a behavior that animals and plats do. Or talk about the reproductive results it brings and how to manage that.

There are some Talks on the matter of good sex but we've never had a Conversation about it.
Now I know that it can be embarrassing to talk about and that is also the reason I haven't asked this question before, but I think it's time.

So this conversation is aimed to help form guidelines about talking about positive sex in an adult way and... well I don't know... "constructive" matter.
And perhaps also for sharing a story, if you wish...

Here are some TEDxTalks about sex that you probably haven't seen:
Cindy Gallop - Make love not porn:
Nicole Daedone - Orgasm: The Cure for Hunger in the Western Women:
Harish Iyer - What if we had a culture of speaking about sex?
Orit MordekovitchThe Sexual Experience - Let's talk about it!

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      Jun 7 2013: Thank you for that story LaMar. I'd love to hear more about what you've learned from your years as a sex educator.
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    Jun 7 2013: Want to see good positive #realworldsex, guys? Join us here :)
    • Jun 9 2013: Hi Dear Cindy Gallop,I tried to open the website you shared it here:).half of pics there I couldn't see them.I was supposed they were blocked by filtering websites software here.See...obviously people are supposed they are pornographic.
      When the whole society is going in this way,It is really a hard job to mention about sex education at school.
      By the way,how can u deal with well about sex education at school?sometimes I think it is more sensitive than any subject to teach at school.
  • Jun 8 2013: I think that yes, we can have this conversation on a positive level. Of course, we must get past a whole lot of giggling and snickering first. And yes, I am talking about adults.

    We need to start portraying a positive image of sexuality to our children though if we ever hope to have positive conversations as adults. We present sex as a taboo topic, don't teach it well, don't answer questions well, then wonder why kids don't get it.

    I have been teaching sexuality education for a few years, not as much as others, and the limited amounts of open and honest areas for dialogue are limited. People have questions. And it is not always about sex. A lot of questions are about relationships and dating and how to do it right. And where does sex fit into that relationship? Those questions don't get answered because most people don't have a good source to ask those questions in the first place.

    If we can change the culture of sexuality from that of the surreality of pornography to the reality of what it is, we would be in a lot better shape. If we could just increase the communication, everyone could have a giggle and a deep sigh of relief then have a pretty good discussion about it.
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      Jun 18 2013: Maybe we should develop some kind of platform where sex educators could meet "sex students" anonymously and chat?
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    Jun 7 2013: Good positive sex is not something you have conversations about. You just nod your head, smile inwardly and remember.
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      Jun 7 2013: Maybe, Maybe you'll be proven wrong from someone's comments. ;-)
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        Jun 8 2013: I can't wait to read it. :) Interesting topic. I can say this without reserve. Every one of my sexual encounters have been wonderful and fulfilling. I always try to give back more than I receive. I am a heterosexual person. I'm 62 and still a loving husband.
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    Jul 5 2013: Sex is a union of body/mind/soul, unfortunately we have prostituted it.
    We use it for pleasure which is insatious.
    And for control and domination.
    In the TRUE act of Union, the Ego is temporarily suspended.
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    Jun 29 2013: What is a bad and negative sex?

    Sex is always good and positive between two consenting adults.

    Sex is a feeling and not merely a physical event, its in our heads.

    Sex is a best touch which culminates in one of the best pleasures of the world

    It relaxes the body and mind and
    brings closeness, feelings of belonging and being loved.
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    Jun 23 2013: Sex is an essentially mysterious power. Boys and girls pretend that everything belonging to sex life is perfectly simple and obvious and explicable, but in their heart of hearts they think very differently about it. Therefore, whoever does not view sex in the light of a profound mystery is infinitely more superficial and shallow and unenlightened than any savage who stands in awe of its power.
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    Jun 11 2013: Of course, at my age, that's all we can have... conversation.
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      Jun 18 2013: Okay, would you like to have one? This Conversation seems to have died otherwise...
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        Jun 19 2013: Not really. I am old. Intimate discussions are not comfortable for me. Not that I am a prude. Just not a topic for discussion.
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    Jun 9 2013: Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear that - do access us as home instead :) You can read more about what we are building on our blog:

    You can hear my views on sex education and where it should start, in this talk that I gave at SXSW this year on 'The Future Of Porn':

    and my recommendations in this post I wrote for the Irish Journal - written for Ireland, applies to every country everywhere:
    • Jun 10 2013: Hi Dear Cindy Gallop,I just could open the last link here.I read your article in detail.You are doing a wonderful thing in this world.I am looking forward to learning more from u.But unfortunately all information u showed I couldn't see them.What can I do?:(
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    Jun 9 2013: Jimmy,
    You have to forgive us in the US as our Puritan background has limited this society's vocalization concerning sex.
    I lived in Europe for 25 years and found that sex was not a taboo as here. Of course, in the last 25 years European birthrates have fallen, I am not sure of any correlation. But, I digress.
    I have wondered why American has this hate relationship with sex.

    I remember many years ago when a movie "Romeo and Juliet" had a love scene that enraged a number of people. I saw the movie. The scene was nowhere near as what you would see upstairs of the volunteer fire department during their fund raisers.
    Anyway, about the same time there was a movie about a madman with a chainsaw. Body parts and blood all over the place. Nobody had a problems with kids seeing that movie but me. I mean in Romeo and Juliet, at least they kept their skin on.
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      Jun 9 2013: Something strange is that even today that movie is shunned. It was shown in our history class a while back and still those scenes, including foreplay, were blacked out. And yeah, it does seem that nudity is more revolting to society than gore today. In every gore movie, there's a typical sex scene. It's limited but as soon as the killer comes, the movie is relentless on what gore it shows.
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    Jun 8 2013: Not in America.
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      Jun 8 2013: Good that this isn't America then!

      Do you have any example in mind that can't be discussed in the US?
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        Jun 8 2013: All of them. Sex is a four letter word. If there was a discussion of sexual activity, I would wager that TED would be shut down as a violation of pornography laws. It could be reopened, I guess with some modifications to prevent minors from signing in. The question begs on how our population keeps growing. Maybe there is something to that illegal immigration discussion.
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          Jun 8 2013: Well, the key factor for population growth seems to be women's (sex) education.

          If you blame immigrants for population growth you have to understand that there are many roles like socioeconomic, cultural and educational differences that explain this.

          Or what were you referring to when speaking of immigrants?

          However, like it says in the explanation this is a conversation concerning "Good, Positive Sex" and not on the "reproductive results it brings and how to manage that."...
    • Jun 8 2013: Actually, most of my teaching was in America and the students raised some great issues that they felt that they couldn't ask anywhere else. Most of the issue is how this is handled and how the community deals with such issues. It can be done very effectively and appropriately.
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    Jun 7 2013: What I wish is that I could go nude when I want and not have it throw people. For example, if I roll out of bed and I'm nude and the curtains are open and people can see in the windows, I wish I could walk nude from the bed to the bathroom, but no, I have to cover up. Or if I am nude and I want to go outside in the backyard and hang wet clothes on the clothesline without putting on clothes I wish I could do, but no, I have to put something on for the neighbors' sake.

    I walked in to my local police station and asked them what the laws were, for example, could I go to the grocery store nude? I didn't think I could, but I wanted to make sure. They said, I could not, it would violate community standards. The most they could tell me additionally is that nudity is upsetting to children. What do you think, are children upset if they see a stranger in the grocery shopping nude? It wouldn't have upset me when I was a child.
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      Jun 8 2013: Yeah, I totally get that.
      I moved in to a new place about half a year ago, on the first night I stepped out of the shower and found myself standing in the kitchen completely nude, with my kitchen window three meters away and fully transparent for anyone in the big courtyard to see...

      The next day I put up curtains on all the windows.
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        Jun 10 2013: did you wish, Jimmy, that you didn't have to put up curtains? Or did you not care?
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    Jun 7 2013: Thanks for bringing this up. I would offer that it has always baffled me why this topic was so 'sensitive'. Every single creature on the planet reproduces. It's as normal as eating and breathing. Oh yes (Oh yes, Oh yes!), it feels great - the 'intimacy' of 'sharing the unique expression of love and passion with another' and all that can be true, but for me, it's about as captivating as how to hold a knife, or choosing a friend. It's just too normal.
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    Jun 7 2013: Good and positive sex ....What is that?
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    Jun 7 2013: Here is the most recent TED Conversation related to this topic:
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      Jun 7 2013: I hope that we can agree that there's a vast difference between what is generally viewed as "good, positive sex" and the porn industry...
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        Jun 7 2013: I think Cindy's posts and Linda's in that conversation and the discussion surrounding them address this matter.Check it out.
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          Jun 7 2013: I checked it and there were some good thoughts on the matter, let's hope that this conversation brings more thoughts like that.
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    Jun 6 2013: Good positive sex is more a mental act than physical.
    Reward of a good sex are predominantly psychological.

    Its refreshing, brings satisfaction, feeling of completeness and belonging.

    Two individuals in love feel closest during the act .
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    Jun 6 2013: Jimmy you are brave.

    This is such a tabboo subject for alot of people.
    Also it is so intimate.

    There was a recent conversation on sex education here on TED that received participation.

    I do not know where exactly your conversation will go, but I will wait and see what other TEDsters post.

    If I find that the conversation is a serious one, and one to learn from, then I will see if I can contribute something upbuilding and positive.

    All the best, Mary
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      Jun 6 2013: Why thank you Mary!

      I'm aware that this is very taboo (here in the west), maybe someone from a more open culture or someone that is covered in anonymity will have the courage to share a story or insight. I think it really helps if you first look at the TED and TEDx Talks that I've provided in the explanation.

      I do not know where this will lead either (since it's never been tried on TED) but I really hope that it will be serious and rewarding for many.
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        Jun 6 2013: OK....let's see.

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    Jun 6 2013: We'll see where it goes...