TED Conversations

Theodore A. Hoppe


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So, what is the purpose of men in modern families?

There are several Op-Ed debate in the New York Times asking, or attempting to answer, this question.

"In almost half the American households with children, mothers are the sole or primary breadwinners. This victory for working women shows evolving family economics — or maybe, two very different types of families.

So what is the purpose of men in modern families? We’re approaching the holiday that celebrates dads, but do fathers bring anything unique to the table?"

Reference a TEDTalk that you have listen to on this topic if you can.


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    Jun 8 2013: I can not thank you enough for posting this thread. Thank you. I have two daughters I love very much. I miss the bike rides, the tickle torture and the story before bedtime, the creative paintings, and jumping on the trampoline with them. Most of all I miss being a parent which is having the ability to teach them everything I know.
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      Jun 8 2013: "In spite of their longer paid working hours, fathers have doubled their time doing domestic tasks and tripled their time on child care over the last generation."
      This was the finding of a Pew Survey.

      "But the dirty little secret is that in 5 out of 8 of these households, the woman was not just the primary breadwinner; she was the only breadwinner, without a partner.

      That’s not the “end of men,” and it’s certainly not an economic victory for American women. When unmarried women are the breadwinners, which is now the case in 25 percent of U.S. households, the family’s average income is only $23,000 a year."

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        Jun 8 2013: "Families are better off in virtually every way when there are two parents present. When it comes to income to support family well-being, it matters less whether the woman earns more than her husband or vice versa. This shouldn’t be a competition pitting women against men. The progress that really matters is whether all American families are doing better."

        Exactly, it has been hard wired in us and in this society. Yes, let us talk about democracy. The author writes about competition and what really matters is families doing better.The worse thing about democracy is it blocks changes that would encourage people to think less individualistically. It also drags down gifted people to the lowest level of shared understanding. Stonewalling the parent making less income comes natural in such a way there is no other partner. They eventually feel to believe there is nothing useful about this parent/relationship if they do not bringing in stable financial income. There is the competition and the "stereotypical "roles"" Colleen Steen writes about that are now hardwired bringing frustrations. I don't feel threatened by women, what I feel is a sense of inequality by the lack of understanding that mixes old traditions with the reality of modern man today. This leads me to a new quest of freedom with less work hours for everyone and a greater number of employment for the better of humanity.
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          Jun 8 2013: ""Families are better off in virtually every way when there are two parents present. "

          That really depends on if they are getting along. Two fighting parents can heavily disorient a family.

          From my perspective, it appears that a family with a strong mother stands a chance of being more successful. I think if we support single mothers society would benefit. More often then not, in a single parent household with a father, the daughters are transformed into mother figures where the males (brothers) become dependent on them.
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      Jun 8 2013: It's not the end of the world Vince. I have about three young men I've met on TED that emailed me and expressed some kinship with some of the things I write. We email each other all the time (making sure it is ok with their parents). I'm a kind of mentor of sorts. You get a good feeling helping young people to understand the world around them. Boys and Girls clubs are always in short supply for smart, emotionally stable people to volunteer.
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        Jun 9 2013: I clearly see it is not the end of the world. It is just the beginning of a world in which I NEVER knew could ever possibly exist! I'm speaking about the courts and the amount of power that is given to mothers. It creates MORE debate and hate. The hate paste gets thicker on BOTH sides. I do my best to forgive with no apology ever made to the brainwashing, the kidnapping, the wedge between my relationship with my parents, the rules I have to follow, the lack of rules mother does not have to follow, the lies made in court, the petty anal analyzing of my mind, do I need to continue? I want to make a stand for myself and the good fathers out there that are put in this bubble I speak of. How much money do you think is thrown into this a year? Who has to pay for it all? Dad's do! Sincerely.
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          Jun 9 2013: Men are powerful creatures. The can take life, torture, debase other men and worse, they take thrill in it. I recall a news article about a rebel warrior in Syria, eating the heart of a warrior he had killed. Women, children, the courts, they all have good reason to fear us.

          It is our responsibility to temper our physical power with a powerful mind that can put us calm when we become angry, rational when we become emotional.

          Women leave men for one, or more, of four reasons: money, other men, freedom or fear.

          No two women are alike, that makes the possibilities of finding one that is compatible with your temperament very probable. After three strikes, I finally hit a home run. My kids are still here, loving me and communicating with me. Life is good. It's always darkest before the storm. The night eats away at the mind, telling it lies and deceitful things. Dawn reveals the truth and the night sulks away.

          Tears are not your enemy. They are your friend. They melt away the pain and restore the calm.

          I'm sure your children love you dearly. They are so innocent, so trusting and don't like to see their daddy in pain.A man must be strong for his children. Women are plentiful and eager to please.

          In the end..... it's a man's world.

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