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thetisd theoktisti

Assistant Accountant, Cegedim Relationship Management

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Could we really bear to forgive?

Concerned about how many mistakes we have made. Some of them might had an great impact or influence in somebody's life , yet we might had been influenced by our mistakes. How the situations are after one had made a great mistake such as betrayal? Do we have the power of forgiveness? The real forgiveness , that forgiveness which you are really able to forgive and forget...to continue in that same life situation with the same feelings for that person as there were before..
On the other hand when we do make mistakes, do we really bear to look other eye by eye? ...to look him in that way that we would be able to continue our lives with him as there were before...
In both occasions..do we just pretend to?
Honestly..what forgiveness is..I
Is it a feeling that we can handle of it ? or Is it a power of an upper God?

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    May 10 2013: When we forgive, let us forgive the right person, even if the right person is ourselves.
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      May 11 2013: Good point Anna. I think/feel forgiveness is generally more for ourselves, rather than for the person we are forgiving. To have something to forgive, we would have blamed, which tends to cause anger, frustration, emotional pain etc., which we carry in our heart and mind until we forgive.

      You probably read what Lamb Lamb submitted regarding the neurological effects? It makes a lot of sense to me that holding onto the feelings of blame has a physical and emotional impact.
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        May 12 2013: Thanks for replying, Colleen and Bernard.

        If a person that is to blame doesn't accept neither the responsibility, nor the blame/shame, who can we forgive? Should we then fight or seek revenge, or... ignore? Maybe make this person understand? This may not be effortless, and will also have emotional and physical impact.
        Just wondering what you think.

        http://www.ted.com/talks/joshua_prager_in_search_for_the_man_who_broke_my_neck.html
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          May 14 2013: Maybe we can forgive ourselves Anna, as you said in a previous comment?

          Fighting and seeking revenge has not been a choice that I prefer. It seems like that would cause even more discomfort in ourselves. We would be continuing to hold onto the blame/shame/hurt.

          I don't think we can "make" another person understand anything. We can offer our own thoughts and feelings, and understanding is the choice of the other person. As you recognize, this may take effort, and cause more emotional and physical impact. If we try to explain our feelings and the other person does not want to understand, it may cause us to be even more hurt and disappointed.

          I believe it is good to recognize all of our thoughts, feelings and emotions, and spend our time and energy understanding our "self"....maybe forgiving our "self".....respecting and loving ourselves with compassion and empathy.
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        May 14 2013: Thank you, Collen.

        But what if fighting, or chosing to fight/research/learn, helps others?
        Just a thought.
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          May 16 2013: I am all for research and learning Anna! Since I believe that we are all connected, I think/feel that when we help others, we also help ourselves:>)

          As I said....fighting has never been my choice, because I saw that demonstrated way too often as a child, with my violent, abusive father. Most of the time, it seemed like he was fighting with himself, and causing havoc with everyone around him.

          I really think/feel that if he had ever faced his own emotional challenges, he would not have been fighting so much. I perceive those who want to fight all the time as people who are manifesting their own anger, frustration, impatience, discontent, distress, etc. If we do not have those challenges in our "self", there is no reason to fight.....in my perception:>)
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        May 16 2013: Hi Colleen,

        I think you misunderstood.

        Fighting is not about seeking revenge, at least not for me. Fighting is not seeking retribution. And some things, some forms of injustice that me and my boyfriend had to bear are just too scary to let go.
        Here are some mottos I made for myself to help bear the injustice and the vast, disgraceful misunderstandings:

        The fact that you're misunderstood doesn't mean you misunderstand.

        Just because others lie doesn't mean you have to.

        I am a kind, conflicted soul that cannot bear certain things. I used to run around town criticising unethical or improper behaviour of the police, public transport or trying to find, identify and present any sort of danger or nonsense in a regional newspaper. That danger/nonsense was an effect or cause of either misuse, prejudice or just plain stupidity. I've seen, heard and experienced too much of all of that.

        Now I travel around teaching work safety, trying to do what I can so that my partner and I can have a peaceful, normal life pursuing our interests, giving each other comfort and love.

        That's my fight and I will continue it if given the chance and possibility.

        I'm sorry if the tone in this comment seems strong, I'm just trying to explain my standpoint.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aaron_Swartz
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          May 16 2013: Hi again Anna,
          It seems like it is our interpretation of "fight" that influences our individual perception?

          Fight, according to the dictionary means...
          "to contend in battle or physical combat: to strive to overcome a person by blows or weapons; to put forth a determined effort....."

          Perhaps I am considering the entire meaning, and you are looking at the part which is putting forth a determined effort?
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        May 16 2013: Fight, according to the dictionary means...
        "to contend in battle or physical combat: to strive to overcome a person by blows or weapons; to put forth a determined effort....."

        Perhaps I am considering the entire meaning, and you are looking at the part which is putting forth a determined effort?

        Yes, maybe. I could have added personal struggle/survival etc, I chose a simplification, sorry :)
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          May 16 2013: No problem Anna, as long as we can understand each other....that is the important part to me:>)

          In my perception, I don't EVER fight. I like to negotiate, seek resolution and solutions, use certain processes to encourage and support a good, peaceful end result, and my process does not include the feeling of personal struggle, or attempt to "overcome" another person in any way.

          As I've already mentioned on this thread, if we do not blame, accuse and judge, there is nothing to seek forgiveness for, and that is how I like to live my life....it's just my own personal choice:>)

          So, even with situations like my "wistle blower" role with a toxic business. They threatened my life, damaged my home and property, and wrote all kinds of untrue things about me as they were "fighting" the process. I kept a steady course, working with the USEPA, state environmental board and environmental courts. I did not respond to the "fighting" activities of the toxic business owners. I did not "struggle" with them. My role was challenging, and I chose to do that....I did not choose to fight.
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        May 16 2013: "No problem Anna, as long as we can understand each other....that is the important part to me:>)

        In my perception, I don't EVER fight. I like to negotiate, seek resolution and solutions, use certain processes to encourage and support a good, peaceful end result, and my process does not include the feeling of personal struggle, or attempt to "overcome" another person in any way."

        Thank you, Colleen, I support all that wholeheartedly!
        You're such a kind soul :)
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          May 16 2013: Thank you Anna, it is much more enjoyable than the alternative. You are a kind and considerate person as well my friend:>)
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      May 11 2013: However, surely there must some form of retribution or "acceptance of responsibility" before forgiveness can be earned?
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      May 12 2013: How nice Anna!thanks for your replying

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