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thetisd theoktisti

Assistant Accountant, Cegedim Relationship Management

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Could we really bear to forgive?

Concerned about how many mistakes we have made. Some of them might had an great impact or influence in somebody's life , yet we might had been influenced by our mistakes. How the situations are after one had made a great mistake such as betrayal? Do we have the power of forgiveness? The real forgiveness , that forgiveness which you are really able to forgive and forget...to continue in that same life situation with the same feelings for that person as there were before..
On the other hand when we do make mistakes, do we really bear to look other eye by eye? ...to look him in that way that we would be able to continue our lives with him as there were before...
In both occasions..do we just pretend to?
Honestly..what forgiveness is..I
Is it a feeling that we can handle of it ? or Is it a power of an upper God?

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    May 8 2013: Nice to meet you thetisd theoktisti!
    An interesting question! Hopefully you shall enjoy me answer.
    I'v made many mistakes in my life, to be honest. Yet I have always been willing to admit them, and when I'm wrong, hey I'm wrong. But not without giving my argument first, and making sure they are actually "wrong".
    Also there is nothing wrong with sometimes "agreeing to disagree".
    A great TED Talk I would reccomend you :
    Kathryn Schulz: On being wrong :
    http://www.ted.com/talks/kathryn_schulz_on_being_wrong.html
    And two great books, which I think you would benefit you :
    - Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error by Kathryn Schulz
    - Mistakes Were Made (but Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions and Hurtful Acts by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson.
    Here is the wiki page :
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mistakes_Were_Made_(But_Not_by_Me)
    Both excellent books, which give insightful opinions on this matter, of why we find it so difficult to "admit we'r wrong".

    Now with forgiveness...
    Hmm.
    I don't believe forgiveness is "a power of an upper God", mainly because I am agnostic about a form of personal God. Unless of-course you are defining "Forgiveness" as something "divine" or "God-like".
    I mean I personally have forgiven many in my limited life.
    Why?
    I simply don't really know. Maybe I'm too foolish for this world.
    However I view a form of retribution is sometimes necessary before forgiveness can be given.
    I could go on for quite a while about this topic, but I feel I would just bore you!
    Thanks,
    Bernard.
    However, I have always been interested in what makes people go "bad". And I find most of it has to do with "dehumanization" of the other person, believing they "deserve" the suffering they get. For most humans are quite empathetic, under most circumstances (towards their in-group). Yet there are many method to reduce empathy to almost nill.
    Which if you want I could tell you about, in another reply!
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      May 9 2013: Hallo Bernard, nice to meet you too,
      Thanks for your recommendations, i am curious to read the book. And i have a question for you..In the cases that you hadnt forgiven, how did you feel? I mean about your feelings..about yourself..Did you feel better or not?If you had a choice again what did you do ? We assumed that you know which your feelings are when you forgive and which your feelings are when you do not forgive...( and as for the 'what makes the people go bad', i agree in some point with your opinion but i believe also that poor quality of somebodys life and poor knowledge have their responsibilities too -but it had to be said in another reply :) )
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        May 9 2013: Hello again!
        I hope you enjoy me recommendations! :D
        With your questions.
        It completely depended on the circumstance, I mean usually yes I did feel better once I had forgiven someone. And most of the events in my life, have ended up with me forgiving them, and them forgiving me.
        Yet sometimes it is hard. I mean take some people on You-tube for instance, you make a point to them and you get called a "f****** m****". I don't feel much sympathy of intolerant irrational people.
        Again it depends on so many variables, as to whether the forgiveness felt good.
        I mean if Hitler (after coming back from the dead) admitted to me his mistakes, then I might forgive him, yet I might not.
        Sorry if this answer has been quite unhelpful!
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        May 12 2013: Thanks! :D
        Some thumbs up would be nice! :P
        No but seriously, I find it very difficult to forgive "intolerant irrational people" (sometimes called "Trolls" on You-Tube) who have not done any research into their claims, and refuse to admit their mistakes (even when they "know" they are wrong).
        I find those people very difficult to forgive!
        However, luckily there are no people like that on TED! :D (Hope I'm not sounding too arrogant, I must admit sometimes I am slightly "irrational", yet when I realize my mistake. I admit it!)

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