TED Conversations

Danger Lampost

Futurist & Technology Consultant,


This conversation is closed.

Why did you get married?

I have been conducting an unofficial, personal poll since 1980 of many people who have gotten married, and I ask them why they got married. I am fascinated to hear the range of responses I have gotten and I think it reveals much about our different societies.

Instead of revealing any of the answers I've gotten over the decades, I'll give you my own personal reasons, and ask you to offer your own reasons for getting married. Usually the way I ask this question of someone who is about to get married is as follows:

"You are about to get married. May I ask why you are getting married, as opposed to continuing your relationship as you have without getting married?"

Here are my own answers:

First wife: I'm getting married because I think that's the best way to have children in our Western culture.

Second wife: I'm getting married because it's much easier to go through the world as husband and wife, than as boyfriend and girlfriend, or whatever funny sounding alternative names you want to come up with. Lover? Partner? No, that has a different meaning.

So come on now, give it up - what were your personal reasons for getting married, at the time you got married. Bonus points for the perspective years have given you into your original motivations!


Showing single comment thread. View the full conversation.

  • thumb
    Apr 15 2013: My first marriage was at a young age. I married because I had no faith in my ability to live a life of Independence emotionally or financially and, a fear of being alone. It didn't last long and I remained single for a long time. I had lost faith in my judgement of character but, more important I had given up my "voice" for I realized I was modeling myself meeting his needs, opinions, desires. Years latter I remarried because I found a relationship in which we shared mutual respect, honesty, values and humor. It was a bit of a leap of faith for me but, a really small leap. 23 years later, my life with my husband has been enriched in ways remaining single never would have brought me. yes, he is my best friend.

Showing single comment thread. View the full conversation.