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angela anima-korang

Graduate Research Assistant, Southern Illinois University Carbondale

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How do we deal with the culture of criticism, especially at schools, work, and in our private lives?

When do we learn that in most cases, what others think of us is just a reflection on their character and not on us? When do we accept that we are who we are and that our self-esteem is based on how we see ourselves, and should not be on how others see us?

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    Mar 28 2013: Hello Angela,
    It looks like you are relatively new to TED conversations, so WELCOME!

    "When do we learn that in most cases, what others think of us is just a reflection on their character and not on us?"

    I believe we learn this when we are ready to learn it. When we have learned about ourself, with exploration of the life adventure, we can take in information and respectfully, insightfully, evaluate the information and how it relates to us, or to the person providing the information.

    If I have been told most of my life, by many people that I am kind and caring, for example, and all of a sudden, someone is telling me that I am evil, and the representative of the devil (which has happened), I listen, evaluate the information and the source, and with the information and feedback I have about myself, realize that the person is projecting.

    It is EXACTLY as you say....what people think of us, and express about us is more a reflection of themselves, rather than accurate information about us. When we KNOW ourselves well, we can sift through information, to determine what is valuable criticism and feedback, and what is not. We are all reflections of each other. If we are clear in ourselves, we reflect to others with clarity. If we are NOT clear with ourselves, the reflection we provide to others is distorted.
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      Mar 28 2013: Very good point, Colleen. People do often compare new pieces of feedback with a steam of feedback they have received over time as one way of understanding the meaning of the new piece of feedback. Those who have had lots of positive and supportive reaction from people over time often are better able to understand and accomodate new feedback that is less positive.
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      Apr 1 2013: Thanks, Colleen! You certainly have made it a lot easier to understand. I think that a lot of us face this problem and I wanted to know what other people think about the issue and how they deal with it. Your input is invaluable. Thanks for the welcome! I am new but I plan to stay a bit longer. I hope to interact more with you!
      Best wishes!

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