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Kate Blake

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Marriage is ....... ?

Please complete the sentence and then list your key ideas or points for or against marriage?

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Topics: Intimacy divorce family infidelity marriage
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Closing Statement from Kate Blake

Thanks heaps to everyone who contributed!  TEDsters do reflect a good cross section of society and the responses below demonstrate that.  Thanks TED for the forum.

Marriage is so many things to so many people!  The history of this church/state institution was touched on, others refer to it as Holy matrimony.  Same gender marriage was hotly debated. Others said marriage was greatly overrated. Singles, married, divorced and those of various beliefs participated.  So the comments below are well worth reading!

We had a few stayers who were married for nearly sixty years and Don shared some of his story as he works to reunite with his wife of many years.  Some commenters have not ventured there yet and had idealistic views.  One thought he was the authority so Chris posted his comments at the top completely out of context from the discussion where Colleen debated his views, and I questioned his use of terms that inflamed but it all adds to the flavor!

This conversation ran in tandem with another I started on "Divorce should be easy and accessible" the link is posted below.  Both these arose from my concern that people make more informed choices about marriage or divorce by knowing about the for and against. 

 There is no black or white solutions only grey areas that impact on both families, neighbors, colleagues, etc. Participating in quality premarital counseling was considered essential.  This usually covers issues such as religion, politics, finances, child rearing, family relationships, etc so that expectations are more grounded.

Using Barbara de Angelis "Are you the one for me?" as a workbook will help more objective recognition of our patterns and enable us to make healthier choices in our relationships!

Nothing is ideal and we were blessed with mature examples of those who are happily married for many years.

http://www.ted.com/conversations/17252/divorce_should_be_cheap_and_ac.html

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    Mohammedridha Alaskari

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    Mar 21 2013: Marriage is the biggest project in life.
    & I disagree with same-sex marriage. I believe it's against the laws of nature!
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      Faisel Butt

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      Mar 21 2013: Traveling faster than the speed of light is against the laws of nature; same-sex marriage is possible therefore it does not defy any laws of nature.

      You can't claim that it is against the laws of nature, just because you disagree with it.

      If two adults are getting married out of love, what relevance is it whether or not you agree with it?
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        Mohammedridha Alaskari

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        Mar 21 2013: may I ask you one question please?
        what is the point of marriage?
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          Faisel Butt

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          Mar 21 2013: The point of marriage is a matter between the two people getting married - not a third party.

          I assume you are about to go into an argument about reproduction. If that is the case, you must also think it is against the laws of nature for sterile people to get married.
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        Mohammedridha Alaskari

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        Mar 21 2013: Faisel,
        I'm not about going to argument, I'm engaged in this discussing trying to correct someone's idea. However I respect your point of view but I disagree with it. I believe the point of being married is to create a family.. I mean creating new workforce to develop the world. If we accept same-sex marriage then Humans will be extinct soon. It is simple equation: No replacement of deaths = no existence.
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          Derek Young 30+

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          Mar 21 2013: You assume that homosexuality is a disease and people can contract it. You also assume that homosexual behavior will wipe out a species. Both those ideas are incorrect because much empirical research has been done on homosexuality.

          Homosexuality is more of a mutation, than a social phenomenon. When I say mutation, I mean you're most likely born with a certain preference.

          Also, if homosexual behavior will wipe out the human race, then why are we and all the other species that have documented homosexual behavior on planet Earth still exist?

          And if religion were the key component, then God would have already killed all the other species who perform homosexual behaviors too, and what would religion think about asexual reproduction?

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexual_reproduction

          I understand your beliefs, but I don't believe you see all the facts. I think no one can be corrected, but people can figure things out themselves.

          Try to think of the root of where you ideas came from, like family, government, religion, etc. and question their ideas, and so on, until you own your own ideas and are mindful of their roots.

          There is also many methods of having children now too, like artificial insemination, so people who are same-sex can procreate.

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artificial_insemination

          You might think "just cause we have the option, then should we?" and I say, yes, they can if they wanted to. Does it hurt you if they procreate differently? No, I don't think so. Are you going to be forced to have a same-sex marriage if same-sex marriage were legal? Obviously not.

          Your pursuit of happiness does not need to hinder someone else's pursuit of happiness, if they aren't hurting anyone or anything, then let it be, right? I'd like a response to this question, if possible.

          Thanks for reading my thoughts.
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          Faisel Butt

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          Mar 22 2013: Hi Mohammedridha

          Let's follow your logic for a second. If same sex marriage was legal over over the world, you seem to have an idea that everyone would marry someone of the same sex. Why do you think that? If same sex marriage was legal in your country, would you marry a man and refrain from reproducing? I don't think you would, and neither would at least 90 percent of the world population.

          It is like saying that no one should become a musician, because if everyone did, there would be no one to produce food and we would all die. Your logic is flawed.

          The good news about allowing same sex marriages is that it is not mandatory. It is merely giving people the choice to live their lives as they wish.
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          Colleen Steen 500+

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          Mar 22 2013: Mohammedridha,
          You say...."I disagree with same-sex marriage. I believe it's against the laws of nature! "

          Which laws of nature are you refering to? You know that homosexuality exists in other animals.....right?

          You also write..."I'm engaged in this discussing trying to correct someone's idea."

          Whose idea are you trying to correct?

          You say..."If we accept same-sex marriage then Humans will be extinct soon. It is simple equation".

          Do you honestly think/feel that if we accept same-sex marriage, all humans will be extinct?
          Do you think that because we accept it, EVERYONE will be drawn to same sex partners?

          I'll tell you that I live in one of the first states to legalize same sex marriage (kudos to us), and we're still doing ok producing children...for the workforce...as you say:>)
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          Obey No1kinobe 50+

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          Apr 3 2013: What makes you think same sex marriage will lead to extinction. Only about 5% of people are gay. The rest of us will keep making babies.
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          Colleen Steen 500+

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          Apr 3 2013: Good point Obey!
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        Kate Blake 50+

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        Mar 22 2013: Faisel may I suggest you be gentle with Mohammedridha - my experience in some countries is that men may be situational homosexuals (like as in prison and wars). Because there are no women available they make do with what they have, and this can be confusing for some. Not sure if they are gay or straight, so give him the space to work out his preference?

        I usually find a rigid stance if not from religious bias tends to arise when one is still exploring their own choices.
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          Derek Young 30+

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          Mar 23 2013: I've heard about the gray area of middle eastern/eastern countries homosexual behavior, but prison and war is comprehendable, though I've heard of people talking about it as some type of "ritual" somewhere....I don't know, but the world is a interesting place indeedy.
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      Derek Young 30+

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      Mar 21 2013: On Faisel's comment, I give you these Wiki links.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_animals_displaying_homosexual_behavior

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual_behavior_in_animals

      Is this natural then?
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      W. Ying 10+

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      Apr 1 2013: .
      .
      Yes!
      "It's against the laws of nature!"
      But it is unavoidable errors in our DNA processing.
      .
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        Colleen Steen 500+

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        Apr 1 2013: Dear W. Ying,
        What is against the laws of nature? Are you refering to same sex marriage or partnerships?

        When people are uncomfortable with same sex partnerships, they often say it is "against the laws of nature", but they seem unable to say what "laws of nature" they are talking about. Can you help me understand what laws of nature you are refering to? Thanks.
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          W. Ying 10+

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          Apr 2 2013: Dear Colleen Steen,
          .
          .
          Thanks again!

          (1) I think "against the laws of nature" includes the laws of normal bio-evolution.
          (2) I am not "uncomfortable with same sex partnerships" because it is naturally unavoidable.

          Correct me please!

          .
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        Colleen Steen 500+

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        Apr 2 2013: Dear W. Ying,
        I have no desire to correct you. I am trying to discover what are the "laws of nature" that do not allow same sex marriage.

        Can you help me understand what particular "law of normal bio-evolution" would not allow same sex marriage?

        I'm sure you know that homosexual behavior is recognized and accepted in the natural world...these are the links provided by Derek, and there is lots more information regarding this topic.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_animals_displaying_homosexual_behavior

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual_behavior_in_animals

        Personally, I believe that people who choose same sex partners, have the same right to marry, as everyone else.

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