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Marriage is ....... ?
Please complete the sentence and then list your key ideas or points for or against marriage?
Closing Statement from Kate Blake
Thanks heaps to everyone who contributed! TEDsters do reflect a good cross section of society and the responses below demonstrate that. Thanks TED for the forum.
Marriage is so many things to so many people! The history of this church/state institution was touched on, others refer to it as Holy matrimony. Same gender marriage was hotly debated. Others said marriage was greatly overrated. Singles, married, divorced and those of various beliefs participated. So the comments below are well worth reading!
We had a few stayers who were married for nearly sixty years and Don shared some of his story as he works to reunite with his wife of many years. Some commenters have not ventured there yet and had idealistic views. One thought he was the authority so Chris posted his comments at the top completely out of context from the discussion where Colleen debated his views, and I questioned his use of terms that inflamed but it all adds to the flavor!
This conversation ran in tandem with another I started on "Divorce should be easy and accessible" the link is posted below. Both these arose from my concern that people make more informed choices about marriage or divorce by knowing about the for and against.
There is no black or white solutions only grey areas that impact on both families, neighbors, colleagues, etc. Participating in quality premarital counseling was considered essential. This usually covers issues such as religion, politics, finances, child rearing, family relationships, etc so that expectations are more grounded.
Using Barbara de Angelis "Are you the one for me?" as a workbook will help more objective recognition of our patterns and enable us to make healthier choices in our relationships!
Nothing is ideal and we were blessed with mature examples of those who are happily married for many years.
http://www.ted.com/conversations/17252/divorce_should_be_cheap_and_ac.html
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Gustavo Eda
I think the main reason for marriage to fail is when one's goal is the partner itself.
That happens, when the person thinks marriage is a solution for his/her problems, or the final destination of his/her goals.
If one thinks like this, he/she will project too much expectations on the partner, and one's dream will slowly be crushed by happenings that aren't part of one's "projection", and thus, being together with that person becoming unbearable, is a question of time and willpower of both parties.
I believe firmly, that for a marriage to work, or, in different levels, for any social interaction between 2 or more people to work, one must not think in matters of "giving and taking", of "deserving and demanding", of "making the other person an object". Instead, just enjoy that person's company, and be thankful for what he/she does, without any expectations like he/she needs to repay your kindness or affection or anything at all. Gratitude creates gratitude, just like grudge creates grudge.
Sadly, assuming a position like this requires people confident in themselves and in their convictions, to actually want other ones to be better with yourself. That is quite hard, on our world today, where hating for free is rampant.
Thaddea Thompson
or are they the same?
p.s. i really like the way you answered this question. even though i didn't ask it.