This conversation is closed. Start a new conversation
or join one »
Passing the buck: Do we all pass the buck at one time or another?
This is actually in reference to conversations either one on one or over the net like through sites like Ted to do with how we react to each other, when we cross swords or butt heads together is it our doing or is it the person we are in conversation with as some disagreements can get out of hand? I think it’s ours!!
Topics:
disagreements passing the buck
Kate Blake 50+
http://www.ted.com/talks/margaret_heffernan_dare_to_disagree.html
She talks about a need for disagreement in order to really progress with business, inventions, etc. I feel real healthy mature debate would stretch our limited world views and be healthy whether it be here at TED or in our personal relationships, workplaces, etc
Passing the buck is just another way to avoid responsibility or debate, try embracing it?
Mathew Naismith 10+
Having a healthy mature debate that is constructive is a good thing especially in disagreement, my whole blog is full of opposing views, but when it becomes destructive that is when we start looking at each other blaming each for the discussion becoming so destructive, this is buck passing & the reason I think we do this is so we don’t have to look at our own short falls during the discussion which usually relates to the ego &/or self-esteem or lack of.
Love
Mathew
Kate Blake 50+
In that we invest way too much in being right and expect the rest of the world to agree with us. A bit like the mentality 'if you're not for me you're against me'? And this is how it degenerates into destructiveness because neither are able to hear the others point of view anymore. It's like we so strongly identify with our viewpoint that there seems little room to negotiate.
Or we feel very threatened when someone with another viewpoint is better at articulating their view and we feel our argument is crumbling so we get defensive rather than seeing it as the ideal opportunity to sharpen our wits; hone our ideas; learn to articulate more clearly and concisely.
Am I making sense, not sure I'm putting this forward clearly?
Mathew Naismith 10+
I would have to agree with you or am I more right than you...but of course I am what else!!!
Yes we do think we are right even when proven wrong within a discussion but think about this, if we didn’t have an ego we wouldn't get into a hostile argument it just wouldn't happen however we do & we do allow the ego to take control over our rationality at times but of course if we weren’t so right in the first place the ego wouldn’t come into play, interesting stuff.
Love
Mathew
Kate Blake 50+
Mathew Naismith 10+
I actually make my presents more known if it's something important to me & someone is being unruly subjective in some way, I take certain discussion probably too serious plus my ego no doubt plays a part as well in my own indiscretions.
In saying this I have also been known to be a little absence myself but usually not before I voiced my objections.
Love
Mathew
edward long 100+
Mathew Naismith 10+
That’s the thing Edward, when we are in a disagreeable conversation with someone we have control if we wish to continue a conversation in a more aggressive manner or not so even if the other person is wrong or is being irresponsible shouldn’t we be more responsible instead of blaming the others person for the indiscretion because really it doesn’t matter who is right or wrong but it does matter who is more responsible & I don’t mean responsible that one should just take the blame but who is more sensible/mature.
The thing is I can find myself in a heated arguments quite easily & I think this has a lot to do with self-esteem/egotisms as it is with all heated discussions I would think.
Love
Mathew
edward long 100+
Mathew Naismith 10+
Yes it’s a funny way that I have labelled one’s own bad behaviour in a conversation as passing the buck.
The way I see it Edward is if someone is rude to you, let’s say, & you take offence & reply back in the same manner & you blame the other person in whom you have been talking too of causing trouble in the first place this is buck passing because the emphasis is still in how you respond. For example I don’t like being duped or lied to in a serious conversation & I usually retaliate by having ago at them back which escalates to an argument, am I passing the buck in the first place by my reactions to the other persons initial response to me? I really should have been more responsible in the first place!!
There are debates & conversations & then there are debates & conversations that get way out of hand to the point of even calling each other names which I have been a part of, in this sort of exchange we tend to blame the other for their indiscretion & stop to think how indiscreet we have been which to me is buck passing.
Love
Mathew
edward long 100+
Pabitra Mukhopadhyay 30+
I believe the buck stops at me. It is my choice to trust the sincerity of a disembodied conversation like in TED.
gale kooser 20+
pat gilbert 50+
Mathew Naismith 10+
I think it's become accepted like lying which is a shame because it doesn't have to be that way, it seems strange that we don't want to be responsible anymore, an irresponsible society is a chaotic society. Don't get me wrong I also pass the buck especially when OI lock horns with someone as I tend to blame them for the disagreement.
Love
Mathew
pat gilbert 50+