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Michael Rose

Child, Adolescent & Family Therapist, Youth in Need

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How can we help to prevent bullying?

As a society that revels in TV series such as Honey Boo Boo, Jersey Shore and other "Reality" TV shows, how are we supposed to stop bullying within schools?

If we preach what to do or what not to do when confronted by bullying behaviors, but never follow through with consequences, how can we expect our students to continue to have faith in the faculty's true want to get rid of bullying.

How can we expect our children to stop bullying if we, as grown ups, are watching these shows.... making fun of the people on them, judging them, calling them names?

How can we change the structure of learning to help increase education, not only in the academic sense, but also in the sense of what it means to be a human being?

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  • Mar 15 2013: Help children to know how to negotiate. how to talk their way out of situation.

    there have been bullies and they will be bullies (same counts for wars) ... this is about showing off power, demanding respect, being in control. we all know, that strong people controls weak ones. (doesn't matter if it is economical or physical strength)

    once it was said: Be strong to control!
    the opposite was: Be smart to make peace!

    Helping children to understand that there is always a third side of any human interaction they will concentrate they attention to find a resolution. helping children to understand there is another way of communication, which is communication through your needs and understanding (meanwhile expressing) others' needs.

    at school, there should be 3 subjects taught without any excuse of age; NEGOTIATION, NON VIOLENT COMMUNICATION and LEADERSHIP
    they have to know the principles of ART OF WAR, they have to be fully aware of their feelings and needs.

    I personally don't do anything with bullies... I helps others to become bullies best friend.

    about TV and "Reality" shows :
    the first thing: The TV-set is created for these people who don't want to think.
    the second one: The "Reality" shows is created by these people who want to keep others in front of TV.
    (now it's been over 6 or 7 years I don't watch TV - neither got one)
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      • Mar 17 2013: Hi Don

        There is always time. Time is given to us for free, and it is up to us how we use it... the question is whether we use it for us or against us?

        if one side use it to demand respect by using physical force from the other side then it could be used to make peace or bring to others awareness of their own feelings and needs.

        when Steven Spielberg's life was horrorized by a bully, he was running away from school. but one day, he himself approached to this bully and asking him if he would be interested in acting one of his home movie about war and offered him to be the hero. and since then they became a best friends.

        stories and story telling got power. this story is an example. instead of facing bully, but finding a way to walk with bully. Who fight when we walk? when we walk, we walk side by side towards a common direction. but when we stand face to face no matter what there would rise a tension.

        young students have got creativity, but not deep thinking, you have to give them the keys and help them (how to use it) to go deep in their thoughts and find solutions.

        the bully in the class of LEADERSHIP would lean how to get respect.
        he may become aware that respect should be earned and not demanded / commanded.

        Machiavelli asks a question in Prince ... should a prince be loved or feared?
        We can ask our students: Would you like to be loved or feared?
        and help then to choose an answer that makes everyone happy.
      • Mar 18 2013: Hi Don,

        Thanks for letting me know what i haven't done. I think we were discussing How-to stop bulling at school. and my approach was more practical education but all those things need time and they can only be solved in time.

        all I know about today's education system is that they are wasting TIME. no teacher is motivated enough to carry their job in a more productive way. no student is motivated enough to keep on studying. (hardly a few)

        TIME: Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it, you can never get it back.

        you want to know what's funny, Don? the Government invest in helping victims, (lost money and time) but they never invest in educating abuser... (this counts for domestic violence - they are free phone number for victims, there are many services provided to help victims... but there is nothing for abuser but cell - yet the tax payers pay to keep them there) - and this is not funny at all.

        can I ask you what makes you think that I should / would like the lawyer who is losing?

        Thanks
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          Mar 19 2013: Dear Edwin,
          You've said quite a lot that is important to this topic, which according to the facilitator, clearly includes students and education.

          Don brought up the issue of time in his comment....

          "Don Wesley
          3 days ago: The bully doesn't give you time to negotiate."

          You have addressed Don's concern about time very effectively Edwin, as well as other topic issues, and I do not perceive you as "losing". In my perception, TED conversations are about sharing ideas, not about winning and losing. I perceive you to be insightfully addressing several different aspects of "bullying". I imagine that as an educator, you have seen, and know about bullying, and I respect your thoughts, feelings, and ideas about the topic question.....thanks:>)
      • Mar 19 2013: Dear Don

        I am sorry if in some way I made myself unclear and discussed other things out of this conversation.
        It may be because I don't watch TV and I don't know what's all about the 'reality' shows.

        I don't know who has to be help accountable for our youth's education but I know that teachers / education system play a great role. In education system we can't change anything. It works. But it doesn't work well for this era. We should not only update it by technology, but also teaching them more practical stuff before we bore then with theoretical stuff. Because not always those theories work in real life. Bully abuse it's victim practically not theoretically and to solve this problem we need practically approach.

        A few weeks ago I suggested a young student to read Dale Crnegie ... She came back to me and said: "my teachers told me that his writings were practical, it is not necessary as we learn theories"
        Well, it shocked me, I was speechless.
        Imagine every bully could read "How to win friends and influence people" and " Lincoln the unknown" would that help them in certain ways? You bet!

        Could you please remind me what we are winning and/ or losing on TED? Is there a game ?

        Thank you, Don.
        It is always a pleasure to read your comments.
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      Mar 16 2013: Edwin,
      I agree that classes in mediation, problem solving, negotiation, non violent communication, and leadership would be great additions to our schools. I also agree that it helps when people are aware and mindful of feelings.....starting with their own thoughts and feelings.

      Don,
      That is why these programs would be helpful in our schools. It gives those with bullying behaviors the opportunity to learn something different.

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