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Michael Rose

Child, Adolescent & Family Therapist, Youth in Need

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How can we help to prevent bullying?

As a society that revels in TV series such as Honey Boo Boo, Jersey Shore and other "Reality" TV shows, how are we supposed to stop bullying within schools?

If we preach what to do or what not to do when confronted by bullying behaviors, but never follow through with consequences, how can we expect our students to continue to have faith in the faculty's true want to get rid of bullying.

How can we expect our children to stop bullying if we, as grown ups, are watching these shows.... making fun of the people on them, judging them, calling them names?

How can we change the structure of learning to help increase education, not only in the academic sense, but also in the sense of what it means to be a human being?

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    Mar 16 2013: Children that got enough attention (attention, not money) from their parents and spent enough time with them, never bully others.
    it's that kids that because no one pays attention to them, make a scene and try to get attention of others, even the one that they beat up.
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      Mar 16 2013: To some extent I agree Farokh.....IF......the time spent with parents is respectful, kind and loving, and I think that is probably what you mean? Sometimes, time spent with a bullying parent, can teach and reinforce that kind of behavior.

      I agree that those who practice bullying behaviors are often trying to get attention. They often lack confidence in themselves, and creating fear in others is sometimes a way to get attention, and feel like they are "in control" of something.
      • Mar 16 2013: Hi Colleen…!! :)

        Right...

        I've seen a few.

        Those girls were "book-smarts" , but also "street-smarts".
        Not only were those bullying students popular, but also they were really clever.

        It's still a mystery to me that they tried so hard to be the center of attention and bully weak students(who were smart, but not really sociable.).

        It seemed to me they had enough..! They didn't seem to lack anything..

        Perhaps, they did bully the weak because of their miserable childhood memories or something like that, but still, some of them didn’t seem to have any terrible experience…

        I think the core of this problem is not just about an individual wanting to get attention from others, but socially common phenomenon whether we'd like to accept that or not.

        There's always a queen bee in any groups especially in schools.

        People unconsciously want to or are forced to follow the queen's lead.




        But the bullying issue is surely something more.....
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          Mar 16 2013: Hi Elizabeth!
          You say..."they didn't seem to lack anything". That is the persona a bullying person is trying to project....don't you think? They are trying to project the idea that they are more superior? More clever? Smarter? Stronger? Etc.? It may provide a feeling of control.

          You say..."some of them didn’t seem to have any terrible experience…"

          We never know Elizabeth, what battles a person is facing. Some of the toughest bullies I've seen, are the men who are incarcerated. They often have a persona of being tough, when the fact is, that many of them were emotionally, physically, sexually abused from the time they were children. One guy....the toughest looking and acting one I encountered, had been sexually assaulted by family members since he was 2 years old. As a person co-facilitating sessions within the facility, I had access to the offender's files. Almost all of them had been molested as children. There are some very wounded people in our world, and bullying, including all forms of bullying, is one reason for all the wounding.

          You're right Elizabeth....the core is not just about wanting attention. A big part of the underlying core is a protective mechanism. The thought might be....nobody is ever going to hurt them again.....they will have control by creating fear in others.
      • Mar 17 2013: Yeah, I see what you mean Colleen..

        By no means I should judge them by their appearances or their attitudes.
        No one knows what they've been through.

        Some get aggressive when challenged, others become timid.

        The former could be the bullying and the latter could be the bullied.

        Do you think it's also about their personalities and the way they deal with difficult situations or horrible memories?
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          Mar 17 2013: Good question Elizabeth,
          I believe there are many factors which influence how a person deals with bullying. We have seen people who went through horrible experiences as a child, and go on to live a healthy, productive life. We see other people who maybe experienced the same, or similar things, and they have difficulty for the rest of their lives. We have some ideas about the manifestations of bullying for the bully and the victim, and as you know all people are different. Excellent question to ask....difficult question to answer.
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        Mar 17 2013: Yeah that's exactly what I meant . Tnx

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