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How can we help to prevent bullying?
As a society that revels in TV series such as Honey Boo Boo, Jersey Shore and other "Reality" TV shows, how are we supposed to stop bullying within schools?
If we preach what to do or what not to do when confronted by bullying behaviors, but never follow through with consequences, how can we expect our students to continue to have faith in the faculty's true want to get rid of bullying.
How can we expect our children to stop bullying if we, as grown ups, are watching these shows.... making fun of the people on them, judging them, calling them names?
How can we change the structure of learning to help increase education, not only in the academic sense, but also in the sense of what it means to be a human being?
Don Wesley 50+
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeGdK2cvNY8
Don Wesley 50+
Words can be very tricky and the sword is such a word.
My voice has never ever been loud and angry with my children; never ever.
How one interprets my words is a function of their perception.
To testify that my words are loud and angry is to lie.
Like Paul, my sword are words of love and wisdom.
I believe the best love a child can get is from a wise Father and Mother who are in love and act as one.
With wisdom and without interference they have a chance at defaming the harm of a bully-abuser.
With awareness and kindness
And Until Soon
Don
Allan Macdougall 30+
If children grow through their formative years watching these rubbish shows with their parents, the message will get through to them that this is how to behave in real life (because it has been effectively endorsed by the parents, who are also fully engaged with it). Invariably that leads to bullying behaviour, especially when the child's peer group quite possibly have also watched the same shows.
The social engineering of children's behaviour through TV is one of the very worst crimes of modern society in my view, because it has no boundaries - the sort of boundaries that parents should be establishing in their own children by close, loving interaction and leading by example. That is the only reality children need to know.
The answer lies in the sort of parental engagement that respects the child's autonomy and his/her ability to create intense and valuable learning through making their own mistakes and creating their own successes.
Jared Diamond has some great things to say about this, comparing behaviours of western children with those of traditional societies, and how much we can learn from them:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/jan/11/traditional-family-values-without-smacking
and:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2013/jan/06/jared-diamond-tribal-life-anthropology
Colleen Steen 500+
Allan Macdougall 30+
I tried to edit in some good Jared Diamond links, but I don't think they're going to show up!
Anandita Ketkar
Lee Patterson
Colleen Steen 500+
Don Wesley 50+
Remember we are on Ted where there are many individuals who come from different cultures.
Even in this conversation the problem has been highlighted.
To bring in an Indian word like Namaste is adding to the problem.
I imagine they have an expectation of seeing good English. What is added by adding another language?
My question is rhetorical.
Don Wesley 50+
“Before you go to any court, understand that Justice is not a part of the equation and prepare yourself for the possibilities of being in a situation that is based in judge and attorney created rules rather than common sense.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeGdK2cvNY8
Don Wesley 50+
We can, but to do so requires that those who think otherwise are in denial that they have the problem.
I left a link the to Talk in Mexico which addressed the population to get over the denial problem
Lee Patterson
A child will always show you the greater intelligence in you that you already possess. They know they are full of life and not trapped inside of mind dominance yet early on. A child is acquiring content in the mind to experience the world for they are told to. How connected the child, depends on the circumstances they are faced with. It will matter not, bully or bullied doing this very thing gives connection instead of disconnection where none is present currently.
It won't need religion or spirituality to help guide them on the search for wholeness yet it will connect them to show that no matter who they are, they are not alone and not disconnected from anyone else, never to invoke violent or hurtful behavior. If we never create a thought pattern early in this existence, aren't we still waiting for a parental unit to give this by design. Some parents will and have never experience this because they were bullied, or the bully themselves. Making this cycle creates this love we miss and the experience every child should have.
Don Wesley 50+
You may not need it. If that is your belief, OK for you.
Whose set of morals will you use is my question to you.
It will take long to find agreement, to have a majority.
As the the Dali Lambda, has said to a Stanford University group of Students recently.
“What he believes is best, is best for him. What you believe is best for you, is best; now lets collaborate.”
“Let’s not make this a problem of religion. It is a problem of abuse.” Same problem.
Don
Don Wesley 50+
Thank you Carolyn, for allowing me the opportunity, to give more light to the question being asked.
It is not my intention to challenge what manner of thinking you choose to describe “bullying.”
My many ways of thinking, include and go far beyond thinking like an artist. Artists do more than paint or play music, dance and so on!
I suggest that you are following a line of critical thinking which is not very useful for the question being asked. It doesn't provide more useful information. The literature to support my view is substantial; you can find it yourself on Google. Critical thinking, attacks those who don't agree, with their line of logic. It is good for logical thinking, but not good enough when compared to the many other methods of thinking which are used by creative minds to solve problems.
The “reality” is that abuse of any type injures a victim.
How society has looked at the concept of “bully” throughout history has changed.
The power, the bully is given is determined by the situation, which also changes over time.
The word “abuse” remains the same; always.
Colleen Steen 500+
If Carolyn is an artist and wants to think like an artist, it does not, in any way make her perception "not very useful".
Don Wesley 50+
Of course Carolyn’s perception is wonderfully useful; and we need more artists.
Please don't put words in my mouth.
You never stop attacking with critical thinking.
Critical thinking is useful too, but not good enough.
The problem has been around for a very long time
And critical thinking hasn't solved it.
It is very good for mathematics and logic.
We all can benefit from better thinking.
We all own the problem. Lets collaborate and stop those who are envious.
Let us concentrate on the 15% who are envious. Please don’t
ask for proof; it is already here, in another answer.
Colleen Steen 500+
Your words from your comment...
Don Wesley
1 hour ago: Part One of Two. @ Carolyn.
"My many ways of thinking, include and go far beyond thinking like an artist. Artists do more than paint or play music, dance and so on!
I suggest that you are following a line of critical thinking which is not very useful for the question being asked. It doesn't provide more useful information"
"
Don Wesley 50+
Here you go again with critical thinking, by attacking my logic.
Where Critical thinking is overused is the problem.
It’s a problem of thinking.
Other methods of thinking which are being used are
“Lateral Thinking” and “The Six Thinking Hats.”
Your constant attacking is abusive. Do your own work to find the facts.
You keep asking questions and expect answers
Don Wesley 50+
In my own personal situation, I am a victim of “abuse of trust” which by definition is “Corruption.”
It is not a problem of who is right or wrong; the problem is that a court of justice is not the place to solve problems of the mind.
Corruption is as old as we can see back. Many splendid works of art have revealed it.
I can suggest you study the work of Edward de Bono - The Father of Lateral Thinking and Creativity.
We were born in the same year,1933. You can see him being interviewed, by Celia Gates on You Tube.
His work confirmed my methods and built my confidence. I solve problems creatively and very quickly.
I have solved many big crime problems in society. Just by accident it seems. Knowing Physics is a powerful factor. You seemed to be making the problem of the question more difficult to understand than it is. Just maybe my way will makes things more clear. The contrast is always helpful.
“We should never agree to everything another person says; because even they, only know, what is in their perception. Perception is but an infinitesimal fraction of what exists in the mind of all.”
I choose to follow the crowd or stay ahead of it; that way I know what I think and not what the crowd is saying. I tune in to the mind of all. When someone uses words like “I completely agree with you” I know they are delusional or lying.
“Lying and denial is part of the root-problem.”
Colleen Steen 500+
Carolyn is very clear. It is YOU who is not clear. When a person says "I completely agree with you", s/he is probably agreeing......NOT delusional, in denial, or lying.
Don Wesley 50+
let the records continue to show your use of attacking with critical thinking.
It seems meaningless to this conversation.
You seem to need all the last word you slip-in. I find it very sad.
I have been here before with you that is the truth.
My Sentence is true in the sense it was used. You have chosen to twist it.
Don
stephanie east
Colleen Steen 500+
So sorry about that experience. I also cannot imagine why people don't understand how bullying impacts people....especially young people. We have folks right here in this discussion who say it's been going on forever....can't change it.....what's the problem....etc. etc. etc.!
It's a HORRIBLE experience for a child! My son was bullied, and it often happened at school, in the locker room and on the bus going and coming from athletic events. One day he came home with a beaten up face, and you could see on his face, the cleat marks from a soccar shoe! As a young adult, he had reconstructive surgery to repair damage done by bullying. When I talked with the athletic director, he simply laughed and said..."boys will be boys", and for him, that was the end of the discussion. It has been many, many years since my son was in school, and it appears that things have not significantly changed.
Don Wesley 50+
It makes feel upset and angry to hear what they did to your Son and You.
All your family has been injured by this abuse.
The shame is on the teacher and not the family.
You can feel proud.
I will remember your story. My Granddaughter also is named Stephanie
I send You and your Son the Love that is given me.
Try to forgive those who use the power they get to abuse.
Don
Jim Ryan
Colleen Steen 500+
Jim Ryan
Colleen Steen 500+
I have been speaking on this subject for many years, and the reason I began addressing it, is because I experienced abuse and bullying as a child by my father. As a child, I felt that it was not ok to treat other human beings in a way that disempowered them. As an adult, I had the opportunity to volunteer in a woman/childrens shelter, family center, volunteered with the dept. of corrections, facilitating and co-facilitating several programs, guest lectured at the univ. on the topic of violence and abuse, and facilitated discussion groups. In between times, I studied and researched human behavior, with focus on violence and abuse.
Awareness is the first step in changing anything, so that is why I "bother speaking to this subject". I sincerely hope I can contribute to awareness. Thanks for asking:>)
Jim Ryan
As you learned, everything is dependent on those that supposedly lead us.
Have a wonderful day Colleen!
Colleen Steen 500+
Thank you so much for your kind words....it is very much appreciated.
You have a wonderful day too my friend.....thanks:>)
carolyn mcauley 10+
Colleen Steen 500+
Thanks for the feedback. The word/concept of "leveling" is another tool we can use to understand bullying from different perspectives, which you insightfully recognize:>)
I believe that self discovery CAN be enjoyable....knowledge is power, and when we have information about behaviors, we can change them. If one does not have the information, s/he often gets stuck in his/her own story, which doesn't take us very far, as I'm sure you know:>)
I agree that many theories (tools) are found in books and therapy sessions, and it takes practical application of the information to actually change things. Did you read Lorraine's comment? I will say again I LOVE IT!!!
I have seen your ideas, which challenge self perception Carolyn, and I appreciate your contributions here on TED.....very insightful. They DO indeed challenge and inspire anyone to reconsider what "they think they know".
Totally agree...waiting for something to go wrong, focusing on what is "wrong", rather than what is going well, and blaming, seems to be the practice of some people...unfortunately.
Lorraine Skeen
We celebrated learning by havign parties for classes that attained a number of bonus points. Rituals are important in all societies...We celebrate many rites of passage in families. The classroom is akin to a family and the individuals members have to understand that their actions can help or hurt their classroom family. All of this is expained to the children. One teacher even had a "caught being kind" program where children reported back to her the actions of fellow students who had been kind to another during recess.
If any class earned 100 points they had a party to celebrate and reward their success. We gave points for acts of kindness as well as student success in all school procedures including most situations that contributed to a calm and positive environment. Goodness was extolled.
However, as every good teacher knows, in additon to recognition and rewards changinh behavior and eliminating disruptions requires consequences. Bonus points were taken away for disruptive behavior when a student misbehaved and took away the rights of the other students to have an education including bullying. The values of the studnets changed and they no longer encouraged or regarded the bully with awe. Students discouraged and disapproved fo negative behaviors. This disapproval combined with the taking away of points was extremely effective. Fear a nd bullying were no longer a part of our school. Children clearly understood the behaviors that were rewarded and those that had consequences. If there was violence, we had a shredding. All bonus points were destroye
Colleen Steen 500+
I also LOVE the idea of focusing on kindness and the GOOD things kids are doing in their classroom family. What we focus on expands! We discovered similar results with the incarcerated guys in "cognitive self change" sessions. We encouraged practicing more kind, respectful behaviors, and praised them for those behaviors often. They began to perceive that kind and respectful behaviors got a different kind of attention, which was more enjoyable AND, they didn't get sent to solitary as often! They started consciously thinking about their words and behaviors and how it impacted their lives. Prior to that, they focused on the idea that it was someone elses fault that they were in jail....someone elses fault that they were sent to solitary....etc.
Kudos to you Lorraine! If this idea is possible in some places, which I firmly believe it is, it is possible throughout our global community......I LOVE IT!!!
Don Wesley 50+
LEGAL ABUSE SYNDROME
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeGdK2cvNY8
Don Wesley 50+
“Despite the large number of individuals who do not approve of bullying, there are very few who will intervene on behalf of a victim. Most people remain bystanders, and may accept the bullying or even support the bully. In 85% of bullying incidents, bystanders are involved in teasing the victim or egging on the bully. When the bully encounters no negative response from observers, it encourages continuation of the behavior.
There are many reasons why individuals choose not to intervene. They may be relieved that the victim of a normal and generally-present danger is someone else, they may take vicarious satisfaction in the bullying, or they may worry that they risk becoming the next victim through intervention. An intuitive understanding that others will be similarly unwilling to assist them if they do become the next victim likely strengthens the motivation to remain passive.
Researchers have been considered the just-world belief theory to explore a posited decline in anti-bullying attitudes. "This is the idea that people get what they deserve and deserve what they get". The study determined that children do seek to understand, justify, and rectify the different injustices they come across in everyday life. However, further research is needed to link the two together.”
Don Wesley 50+
I feel the following comments maybe useful to the Question asked.
“There is also a large, emerging body of research suggesting that bullies are more likely to be convicted of criminal offenses as a adults, suffer from greater psychiatric problems, have difficulty with relationships and abuse substances. Victims of bullying also suffer, including reports of loneliness, diminished self-esteem, physical complaints and depression. They also have been reported to have a higher rate of suicidal thoughts and attempts.” - The Science of Bullying - Sam Goldstein, Ph.D. (2010)
The following quotes are from
Bullying - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Etymology
“The word "bully" was first used in the 1530’s meaning "sweetheart".....
The meaning deteriorated through the 17th century through "fine fellow", "blusterer", to "harasser of the weak".
This may have been as a connecting sense between "lover" and "ruffian" as in "protector of a prostitute", which was one sense of "bully" (though not specifically attested until 1706).”
History
“High-level forms of violence such as assault and murder usually receive most media attention, but lower-level forms of violence such as bullying have only in recent years started to be addressed by researchers, parents and guardians, and authority figures.
Virginia Woolf considered fascism to be a form of bullying, and wrote of Hitler and the Nazis in 1934 as "these brutal bullies".”
Don Wesley 50+
Please accept the following videos that address te question
YOUR HONOR?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PMGG_QZkuM
LegalAbuseSyndromeLive.flv
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IE6uL1YOpoc
carolyn mcauley 10+
Don Wesley 50+
I am pleased to see your reply, because your interest seems to parallel my own.
Bullying is overwhelmingly an adult problem.
I see it, as the root problem of most all man-made suffering.
To really understand it, and do what is needed to stop it, needs much more careful definition.
One perspective that can help, is to focus on the victims medically defined injuries.
A second perspective that can help is to learn what has already been found as a causal element.
1) “As individuals in society we tend to see it, as someone else's problem.”
2) “In a business it is addressed more quickly, because unresolved conflicts, destroy the willing to work and loss of profit, or a cost to the business”
3) “The cost to society is seen in the huge expense of government, which is growing at an alarming rate.”
4) A few key words should reveal my larger perspective:
lying, denial, sin, abuse, injustice, disability, long-term, court-abuse-syndrome, prison-population.
power, good, bad, corruption, bully.
carolyn mcauley 10+
Don Wesley 50+
Thank you Carolyn, for allowing me the opportunity, to give more light to the question being asked.
It is not my intention to challenge what manner of thinking you choose to describe “bullying.”
My many ways of thinking, include and go far beyond thinking like an artist. Artists do more than paint or play music, dance and so on!
I suggest that you are following a line of critical thinking which is not very useful for the question being asked. It doesn't provide more useful information. The literature to support my view is substantial; you can find it yourself on Google. Critical thinking, attacks those who don't agree, with their line of logic. It is good for logical thinking, but not good enough when compared to the many other methods of thinking which are used by creative minds to solve problems.
The “reality” is that abuse of any type injures a victim.
How society has looked at the concept of “bully” throughout history has changed.
The power, the bully is given is determined by the situation, which also changes over time.
The word “abuse” remains the same; always.
Colleen Steen 500+
You have posted this same comment twice.
If Carolyn is an artist and wants to think like an artist, it does not, in any way make her perception "not very useful".
Don Wesley 50+
Words can be very tricky and the sword is such a word.
My voice has never ever been loud and angry with my children; never ever.
How one interprets my words is a function of their perception.
To testify that my words are loud and angry is to lie.
Like Paul, my sword are words of love and wisdom.
I believe the best love a child can get is from a wise Father and Mother who are in love and act as one.
With wisdom and without interference they have a chance at defaming the harm of a bully-abuser.
With awareness and kindness
And Until Soon
Don
Colleen Steen 500+
We have the opportunity as a global community to change the behaviors of bullying, and they CAN be changed when a person is willing to evaluate their own behavior. The cognitive self change sessions I co-facilitated with incarcerated men, simply encouraged them to ask themselves some questions and explore their own thoughts and feelings.....what are you feeling? What are you thinking? Why do you want to do that to another human being?
Bullying behaviors are often knee jerk reactions of learned behaviors by insecure people. It may help a person feel superficially dominant, superior, smarter, stronger, etc. in the moment, but in the long run, the behavior actually disempowers the bully and the victim. It may not look that way to an observer....but....think about it......can a person continually abuse, belittle and demean other people and feel good about themselves? I don't honestly think so.
There is a psychological term and concept called "leveling". People will often try (consciously or unconsiously) to bring another person to his/her "level" of security or insecurity. Generally, if a person feels secure in him/herself, s/he will try to bring others to that same level, whereas, if a person lacks confidence and self esteem, s/he may try to bring others to that level of insecurity. A person who behaves in that way is telling us a lot about him/herself.
When we are truly aware in ourselves, we know where our words and actions are coming from.....we know our intention.....we choose what words and actions to use in any given moment. Being truly empowered in oneself is beneficial to ALL people......know thyself.....that process can begin with each and every one of us as individuals.
Iulian Sociale Ingegnere
mary ellen johnson
M.j. Penny
Don Wesley 50+
And all they do is kept Secretly- hidden!
This a quote of Professor Karin Huffer who has spent her life studying the injuries of those who have been abused.
You can see her short and powerful interview here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeGdK2cvNY8
Don Wesley 50+
I lived my whole life in Quebec, Canada, where every riding became a business of moving trucks financed by the mafia. They flipped properties to immigrants from other nations to get the voters they wanted. The lawyers made it look like they made no money.
The trick is that the immigrants paid them to get into the country with cash.
Then they sold my home saying they had to do it. They evicted me from the home I bought and paid for 50 years earlier. The police and bailiffs came to the door and pulled me out with courts orders saying I hadn’t paid the rent for years. This a jaw dropper.
My sons believed my wife and became the “flippers” because they could make under-the-table money.
Then this involved the Big Banks to give the immigrants mortgages.
The woman who moved into my house had a masters degree in chemistry and came from Romania and was given a good job by a company that shipped drugs to Romania.
So somebody had to assure they would take the house back, if she didn’t pay.
In Montreal two Mafia groups were in the deal; Russian and the Italian.
I figured this out over two years of thinking and then went to the RCMP [Federal Police] with direct evidence of my home being stolen from me. They took all the information with a big welcome.
Frank, it is four years since I was bullied out of my home with cloths on my back only.
I got out of Quebec because I feared for my life. The local Montreal policed played dumb,
I have yet to get a cent for my property and all that was in it. Over a half million dollars.
Today the local news is talking about the corruption at the City Hall. The public investigation has focused on this for over a year. All this cover story is “hiding the bigger corruption in the courts.”
“I feel your pain, as I read your story, my friend said from California.” = http://innjustice.blogspot.ca/2011/01/i-feel-your-pain-as-i-rea
Don Wesley 50+
The unconscionable judgements override basic rights and abuse us. They are the big-power the ultimate Bullies use. A very special situation of corruption.
http://innjustice.blogspot.ca/2011/04/unconscionable-judgements-override-my.html
Michael Farber
I would argue that changes will occur when we regard education from the human point of view. In other words, our attempts to "humanize" the education system (the sense of being a human) will change the structure of learning. Point: human beings are a living, breathing, growing organism touched by the divine. Given this premise, the activities we undertake ought to be structured from this core principal: education must be organic.
Consider the current education system: we are categorized by age, pushed along by the conveyor belt of an industrialized system, considered defective if standardized measures go unmet, and spit out at the factory's exit - expected to be a model citizen.
However, we are not a cog in the production's wheelwork. We are likened to any kind of plant that grows organically, needing its own degree of soil, sun, food and water. We too, as individuals, grow better in certain environments, under various conditions, and at differing rates. We, as humans, have an innate sense of wanting to grow; we are naturally curious as well. Thus, we ought to let students grow at their own rate, mastering each level of skill, to their desired level of interest. This then humanizes the education effort and upholds the sense of what it means to be a human being. People are rewarded for their own accomplishments at their own rate - thus, they are intrinsically motivated to succeed and then seek to achieve the next level. Structure will follow - we can only imagine what that will look like. I venture to guess that it may not be the brick building that so many of went to school.
For the bully: he gets rewarded just the same as anyone else for his academic achievement. Of course, if he breaks the code of behaviour against his fellow student, he will suffer the consequence - healthy boundaries must be maintained. Beyond this, give the bully positives when positive behavior exhibited!
pat gilbert 50+
Simple you have rules when they are violated there is a punishment this is called the rule of law. A kid bullies he might be warned, he does it again he is given detention, he does again he is given swats by the Vice Principle who "enjoys his work" Done deal. But the idea that the police are called in on this is asinine. If lawyers get involved this is even more asinine. At this point I would be inclined to teach the underdog how to fight?
Why so much yik yak about this?
Don Wesley 50+
The situation being addressed by the question, is described below the question.
“It is a problem addressed to society as a whole.”
It seems Edwin, that you have been selecting only a part, of what needs answering, and denying the rest. As a lawyer, you would be loosing your clients case.
My own responses here in the conversation addresses the root problem of Bullying.
Why should teachers be held accountable for correcting bad parenting, while parents
turn family responsibility over to the state, and then watch TV?
For information about the root go see “Bullying” on Wikipedia
The situation being described by the question follows:
It talks about what we as adults preach, watch and how we bully and so on.
Then suggests asking how schools can correct what our bad behaviour teaches.
The two sub questions, I quote here -
1) How can we change the structure of learning to help increase education, not only in the academic sense, but also in the sense of what it means to be a human being?
2) How can we expect our children to stop bullying if we, as grown ups, are watching these shows.... making fun of the people on them, judging them, calling them names?
With great respect tor you intellect
Don