ted khalid

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What is the solution to the phenomenon of divorce.

Why always problems between the couple and the solution is divorce.
Is divorce is the only solution or is there other solutions.
Is the solution is divorce or reform.

What is the solution to the phenomenon of divorce.

We are looking for the truth to see all forms of impulsive divorce.
Is it a lack of respect between the two parties.

Or laws that give the right to women more than men

.This appeal to know the grounds for divorce.And not to give an opinion on to marry or not marry.

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    Mar 8 2013: There is no simple answer. Marriage is a religious act that has become controlled by civial laws. Cultural shifts have re-assigned roles. we enter the marriage like it was a fast food drive in ... instant marriage .. instant divorce ... we have made it all to easy. Relationships take work and are under constant maintenance.

    The Catholic church which held marriage as high as could be expected ... but if you are rich and famous you can see the pope and get a divorce with the churches blessing.

    I had a secretary who went to a marriage counselor who had been divorced six times .... he didn't know squat about marriage but he sure knew about divorce.

    In summary: The right answer for you may not be the answer for anyone else. For me the answer is that marrage is never 50 / 50 .... it is 100 / 100 plus. Their is no his and hers only ours. It is not a mans job or a womans job it is a job that needs to be completed. You should marry your best friend and work to keep that friendship alive. Above all there must be mutual respect and trust.

    I wish you well. Bob.
  • Mar 7 2013: Here is my proposal:

    First, remove all mention of marriage and marriage relationships (wife, husband, spouse) from the law books.

    For those couples who want their personal relationship to also be a legal relationship, let them draw up a contract that specifies EVERY aspect of their relationship. The very first section of the contract would be the consequences of divorce. The second section would detail a method for conflict resolution. If they want a monogamous relationship, the contract must specify the consequences of cheating. This would be a partial list for the rest of the contract:

    Residence location and any limitations on future residences (city/country, sun/snow etc)
    Residence limits with respect to size, yard size, traffic, distance to work, etc.
    Finances - contributions and spending limits, a budget or a specific process to develop a budget
    Division of labor at home; who does which chores and how often; standards for cleanliness etc.
    Diet expectations - who cooks, how often; how often do you dine out or get pizza delivered
    Sexual expectations
    Intimacy expectations
    Time budget - time spent with just each other, time with friends, time with each others' family, time alone, TV time, sports, etc.
    Who gets to control the TV remote, how often
    Physical fitness expectations and consequences
    etc.

    The contract would not take effect until both parties appear before a legal authority (who would have a law degree) and can demonstrate that they have a mutual understanding of every clause of the contract.

    When people understand what they are actually doing when they get married, there will be far fewer divorces. I suspect there will be fewer marriages too.
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      Mar 7 2013: This is little more than a list of the things you personally, and perhaps selfish, find to be important to a relationship. Conspicuous in its absence is the very ingredient that many would incude at the top of their list, mention of children. Marriages produce families.
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      Mar 7 2013: Thanks for your comments
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    Gail .

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    Mar 8 2013: The obvious solution is to make marriage a thing of the past.

    But to look to your question of "why" divorce, look at yourself. Are you the same person you were 10 years ago? No, you are not. Neither are you now the person you will be in 10 years. If you marry today, your spouse will be a different person in 10 years. Sometimes we grow in different and incompatible directions.

    Don't discount the role that our stressful, complex, money-centered social system has in the ability of marriages to be sustained. This has brought down a lot of marriages. The reasons given are many, but they all boil down to a marriage's being incompatible with expectations.

    Also, don't forget to look at why some people choose to marry. Some fall in love with love. Some don't have a sense of self, so they expect a partner to complete them. Others want to "fix" someone who doesn't really need fixing - except in his/her eyes. Some want the economic advantage, and when economic disparity goes away, so does the purpose of the marriage. Some don't know the difference between an infatuation and love. Some think that life is always supposed to be carefree like it was before marriage. Some want to give their baby those things that our culture says is important, even if both parents know that marriage to one another is not a good fit. Some want to get out of their parents' house in a culturally acceptable way. Some want the respect that they think they will have when they enter into a culturally approved institution. Some believe that God wants them to marry someone of the same faith, and a selection from a narrow field is made, but age and maturity changes the underlying understanding.

    I suspect that all divorces have their own reasons, as do the marriages that precede them. A strong marriage is hard work where work comes with rewards. Too many are not willing to do the work. IMO, our culture promotes both marriage and divorce because our culture promotes fear.
    • Mar 8 2013: I really enjoyed reading your insight into marriage.....having said that, I don't think the solution is to make marriage a thing of the past.

      Most of us have enjoyed having parents who cared for us and were there when we needed them. Some of us are still enjoying our relationship with our parents and value the commitment they made to each other over half a century ago. Many today are succeeding at wonderful marriages because, like Bob says below, the marriage is like a friendship, and both individuals are working hard to keep it alive.

      I don't think we should be too quick to get rid of marriage.
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    Mar 7 2013: Being sold on romantic love and not unconditional love. Lets start selling unconditional love
  • Mar 7 2013: I used to be involved in a large number of divorces as a lawyer. I got to hate them - the divorces and the people getting them except the real adults. Some people grow apart and are smart enough to know it. To get a divorce and still be on talking terms is the sign of adults who are ready to move on in their lives. I respect those people. The sad thing about the others is they marry someone else and move on to make more lives miserable. Divorces are sort of like some snack chips - you can never have just one. There are ways to check for compatibility before you marry. Study Myers-Briggs personality tests. You can get guidance there. Look at some of the people you like being around, and after awhile you will realize that most of your other friends have similiar personalities. Thank you Carl Jung.
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    Mar 7 2013: I somehow disagree with Pabrita and agree with Kate.

    I disagree with Pabrita, because I don't think the institution of marriage itself is the problem. Yes, it has many flaws. Marriage rests on a historical foundation of ownership and transferal of property. There are high divorce rates, especially when women are able to leave a marriage that isn't working for them. And there is the U.S. controversy where right-wing conservatives define marriage in a way that disenfranchises the GLBT community.

    But these flaws do not belong to the institution of marriage, they belong to us, the people who wield it. Speaking from a U.S.-perspective, marriage has improved significantly throughout our history - we now can have interracial marriages, women can leave unhealthy marriages, and in some states, GLBT people can also marry. We have decades (maybe even centuries) of research and wisdom to help strengthen our relationships. WIth these tools, even relationships that suffer massive betrayals can survive and grow into healthy relationships.

    I agree with Pabritas in that the best solution is to not get married; at least, not until you're ready. Many couples who end in divorce (especially Kate's 65%) married before the age of 25, before they had the emotional maturity to handle the responsibilities of marriage. Many approach marriage as a way to force their partner to commit, or some other insecurity. Probably more in the spirit of Kate's comment, you can have a relationship that is just as legitimate and committed without jumping through the political/religious/social hoop that is marriage.

    The solution to divorce isn't eliminating marriage, it's correcting our approach to marriage. We need to teach the next generation to hold off on marriage until they are ready for it, and to marry for the right reasons. And we need to teach them that when they run into those inevitable problems of marriage, to try to resolve them using all available tools *before* resorting to divorce.
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    Mar 8 2013: More on Percentage of Divorces in Selected Countries 2002 from Infoplease:
    Percentage of Divorces in Selected Countries, 1996 - Percentage of Divorces in Selected Countries, 1996 Country Divorces (as % of marriages) 1996 ...
    Marital Status - Marital Status Find the number of marriages and divorces, the percent never married, policies on ...
    Marriages and Divorces, 1900–2009 - Marriages and Divorces, 1900–2009 The following table lists the number and rate of marriages ...
    Weddings: dresses, traditions, quotations, cakes, movies, and more - Find information about weddings, wedding traditions, wedding dresses, honeymoon destinations, marriage quotations and movies, marriage statistics, and more.
    Divorce Rates by State, 1990–2009 - Divorce Rates by State, 1990–2009 The following table shows the divorce rate per 1,000 people ...


    Read more: Percentage of Divorces in Selected Countries, 2002 | Infoplease.com http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0200806.html#ixzz2MzI0qNP5
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    Mar 8 2013: Percentage of New Marriages which End in Divorce, 2002

    1 in world United States: 4.95 per 1,000 people

    http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_div_rat-people-divorce-rate
  • Mar 8 2013: The benefits of divorce have been oversold.

    While divorce may eliminate some problems, it can also unleash a series of traumatic events over which you may have little control.

    Those contemplating divorce should ask themselves if their expectations regarding marriage are realistic. The media have pushed the image of a romantic relationship that culminates in a lavish wedding with a fairy-tale ending.

    After the wedding, when high expectations go unfulfilled, the resulting disappointment can fuel conflict. As tensions build, a drama unfolds in which hurt feelings dominate emotions.

    Love withers and, in time, is replaced by anger and hatred. Under such circumstances, some may feel that the only option is divorce. When this occurs, however, it is not because of some lack in the marriage arrangement itself; rather, it is because of the failure of one or both mates to live up to their wedding vows.

    No marriage is perfect. There is alot to be said of individuals who stick to their wedding vows and try to work out their problems.
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    Mar 8 2013: . My answer:

    "The solution to the phenomenon of divorce"
    is to recover our instinct of primary symbiosis!

    Invalid happiness is mostly the culprit of divorce.


    (For details, see the 1st article, points 1-3, 5-6, at
    https://skydrive.live.com/?cid=D24D89AE8B1E2E0D&id=D24D89AE8B1E2E0D%21283&sc=documents).
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    Mar 7 2013: for Theodore A. Hoppe...... If did not marry men and women there will be more problems ..
    It will become morally corrupt society.
    Do not forget that 40/100 families are the families of the province and sanctify marriage.
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    Mar 7 2013: Where is the evidence that humans should mate for life?
    Monogamous means one partner at a time.

    See Pair bonding: "In biology, a pair bond is the strong affinity that develops in some species between a pair consisting of a male and female, or in some cases as a same-sex pairing, potentially leading to producing offspring and/or a life-long bond. Pair-bonding is a term coined in the 1940s[1] that is frequently used in sociobiology and evolutionary psychology circles. The term often implies either a lifelong socially monogamous relationship or a stage of mating interaction in socially monogamous species. It is sometimes used in reference to human relationships."

    In other animals, such as praire voles, who mate for life, sex can still occur, although infrequently, outside the relationship. (I'll add a reference for this) This often is the cause of break up in modern human relationships.
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      Mar 7 2013: Thanks for your comments
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      Mar 7 2013: If did not marry men and women there will be more problems ..
      It will become morally corrupt society.
      Do not forget that 40/100 families are the families of the province and sanctify marriage.
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    Mar 7 2013: Divorce is not a phenomenon.

    Education is the answer.
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    Mar 7 2013: The solution is striking down the institution of marriage.
    Marriage is a social contract that has conditions not compatible to modern day aspirations of people. It has ceased to define relationship between two adults, trust and interdependence. Love and respect are possibly the least virtues in modern day marriages. It has necessities with regard to heir-ship of offspring and in some cases maintaining dynasties.
    The most important aspect of marriage, that is starting a family demands some sacrifices of individual liberties that we are not ready anymore to commit. Even for India, which is deeply family oriented culture and traditional believer of holy union between couples, this is the reality so marriage in lot many cases are potential sources of suppressed debauchery and is just a license to keep on being disloyal to each other. I think that's a shame.