kaan dogru

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Why do we feel unhappy and what can we do about that subject?

I sometimes feel unhappy...I want to laugh much more . Let me give some suggestion and idea

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    Mar 3 2013: I am beginning to believe that we intermix the transient emotion of happiness with the "being happy in life" Which I would characterize as more of a reflective state on our entire life with the question "Am I happy?" (or, am I happy/content with my life?)

    I believe you are talking about the transient emotion. "Am I happy at this point in time?" And I think that many times we are not happy, BUT that is not a bad thing. You may be interested, or focused, or amused, and not exactly happy, but certainly not a terrible emotional state.

    If you are looking to change the current emotional state from sad to happy, or something else then perhaps these techniques.

    1.If you have an ipod or mp3 player then create playlists by mood. (eg, sad, happy, inspired, workout, inspired-happy)
    2. When you are in a mood you do not want to be in then play the list of the mood you want.

    Apparently there is a trick to this and I wish I could quote the study and remember the name of the technique. But you cannot just jump to the mood you want with music (classical is supposed to work well) You have to match your mood, then raise it a little at a time with various songs. This will eventually get the mind into a better mood.

    Another recent study suggest watching a sad movie. Counter intuitive, but something about feeding the sadness (without feeding it on our own faults) will give the brain what it needs. And then we feel better afterwards.

    Heres a link


    Another quick tip I do is to look up (clouds, ceiling, trees) focus on the moment and take a deep breath, or even a deep body sigh. Focusing on the moment forces the brain to stay in the moment and becomes more tranquil. This sounds easy, but Buddhists have been trying to perfect this technique for 2500 years.
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    Mar 3 2013: I am no expert but I have an opinion .... I think extremes are not good ... I think that some degree of happiness and unhappiness are necessary to show the differences in our likes / dislikes ... wants versus needs ... achievements against failures.

    I have been lonely in a crowd and happy when all alone. As for laughter .... I would not want manufactured joy and laughter ... it must be sincere and a true expression of your joy ... a expression of love ...

    I wish you well. Bob.
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    Mar 2 2013: We cant do much about feelings. All we can do is make sure that we are not controlled by feelings; they are not always reliable. Sad feelings do come, and sometimes sadness is inevitable because life is a mix of the good and the bad. There are however times when sadness is as a result of harmful thoughts. These we can control.
  • Mar 5 2013: One of the most important key to happiness is the understanding of one self. What and why we behave in a certain way. Most of our behaviors are coming from our parents and immediate surroundings. These (unconsciously) learned traits are predisposing us for most of our unhappiness. We picked up these behaviors during our childhood. By having them so early they predetermine what other behaviors we will accumulate later on. The way they do this is that behaviors are like to be “used” and to be “approved of”. So when you have a certain demeanor than you will use it in a setting where it is usable and where it is approved of. When it is not approved then you will simply have a feeling that you are not welcomed, and when it is unusable than you will have a feeling of not fitting in. These feelings than ending up guiding you towards situations where your behaviors “feel good” about themselves. From your brain’s point of view it is easier to use a behavior than to change it. Hence if you picked up some not so great traits from your folks than it will be really hard to get rid of them and even realizing that they are bad in the first place.
    To regain (rediscover) happiness you must realize that almost 90% of the personality that you think as “this is me” just merely values and dispositions bestowed on you from the outside without your own conscious consent. When you come to this realization, than you are starting down the path to get to know your true self. The one who chooses his own values and chooses his own behaviors.
    And that is a big step towards being in balance within.
  • Mar 5 2013: When you are aware of yourself unhappy,be positive believe happiness is getting close to u:).Learn to accept unconditionally,pay more attention to care about your inner world.It needs your caring when u feel unhappy.oopss,I don't know how to describe to you.Because it is really a 'big' thing to concern in our lives.It needs us to keep learning it in our whole lives.I think I am doing on the way.
  • Mar 5 2013: Happiness is the ultimate goal in our lives.It is meaningful for us to keep studying to probe the source of the happiness.Learning how you can be loving more.Let's called it happiness seeking journey.I think it belongs to spiritual and inner world issue.
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    Mar 3 2013: In my opinion (based on my experiences)...un-happiness usually comes from an instance where you didn't allow room for happiness. I know it sounds counter-intuitive (and a bit silly), but it always made sense to me from the day I explored this notion. The concept is to understand that our physical actions can affect our emotional being. When you smile, certain muscles get triggered on your face and by triggering (intentionally) these muscles in time of un-happiness you can really make a difference within yourself. No matter how bad the situation is, you should never put yourself at un-ease, let there be some room for smile..=)...(this technically can happen only when you are conscious about it).
    Understand that certain things are out of our control.....and circumstances (good and bad) happen for an un-apparent reason. Too philosophical...i know, but it comes from personal experience.
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    Mar 3 2013: ..
    Unhappiness is the mother of happiness.
    Valid happiness makes us survive.
    Invalid happiness leads us to self-extinction.

    (For details, see the 1st article, points 1-3, 14, at

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    Mar 3 2013: Happiness is not an emotion it is a condition. The key is in having interest in something and from that interest making and achieving goals.

    Much of the trouble people have in this area, as Colleen and I have discussed several times, is in the area of interest.

    People often fall into the trap of being interesting (celebrities often have this problem) and valuing attention which makes you dependent on other people to be happy.

    On the other hand genuine interest in activities, life, education and goals creates happiness.
  • Mar 2 2013: I think feeling sometimes unhappy or low is natural and OK. However there are many ways to minimize it:
    - find good friends and meet them often
    - watch comedies and comedians
    - exercise to lift up your mood, it works!
    - play fun games (esp. with others)
    - listen to uplifting music
    - engage in a hobby
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    Mar 2 2013: You write that you sometimes feel unhappy. I cannot tell whether you are describing a situation of responding in a natural way to sad things you encounter, or whether you mean you suffer from pronounced mood swings.

    Assuming you mean the first, a couple of things that come to mind are making a daily or more frequent practice of noticing the positive things in your life for which you are grateful, including the prospects of changing in a positive way the things that are making you unhappy.

    Physical activity, like walking regularly somewhere beautiful or interesting works for many people. If you want to laugh, you might watch the dogs playing.

    Some people find that indulging each day in an activity off a list of things that give you great pleasure- whether it is singing, or planting things, or taking photos, or listening to a favorite record, or baking a pie- and doing one such thing every day, gives them an underlying sense of content.
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    Mar 2 2013: .
    The logical step is to find out why you feel unhappy and remove it, otherwise you're probably just going to temporarily inhibit the feeling, rather than escape from it.

    Ofcourse theres nothing wrong with listening to motivating upbeat music or watching a comedian.

    You could always try these, assuming theres no language barrier.
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    Mar 2 2013: I believe you have to share more specifically what makes you unhappy. Very likely it's something you can do something about.