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Tarun Mahani

Curator, TEDx

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What should one do , if situations take control of a person's life , as in he wants to do good but bad happens everytime .

You have mixed feelings about your worries. On one hand, your worries are bothering you - you can't sleep, and you can't get these pessimistic thoughts out of your head. But there is a way that these worries make sense to you. For example, you think:

Maybe I'll find a solution.
I don't want to overlook anything.
If I keep thinking a little longer, maybe I'll figure it out.
I don't want to be surprised.
I want to be responsible.

You have a hard time giving up on your worries because, in a sense, your worries have been working for you.

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    Feb 26 2013: One useful disposition is to accept that you cannot anticipate everything and that experimentation is often an excellent approach. You can learn from your experiments and come closer over time to what you are trying to achieve.

    From your scenario you sound like you may be a perfectionist and so fearful of error that you can't try anything.

    You might try asking yourself what the worst things are that could reasonably happen from what you try to do but then also how likely they are. Interestingly, people who ask themselves this often discover that even the worst case is not that bad and that errors can often be corrected. There is another useful question- if this doesn't go as I expect, how might I correct it in preparation for my next experiment or attempt?
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      Feb 26 2013: FR , i could not believe , coz you just hit a bingo , i am sure you must have studied human psychology well .
      the problem is when you make huge goals or aims , and you try really hard to get them , then if on the way , there are certain things that you know , that you cannot get at any cost , but you are motivated enough to give up , coz if you give up , you have to give up everything and start a new beggining .

      If you want that thing really bad , then you will put everything that you have to achieve it , no matter how difficult it is for you , the problem starts to increase when social phenomenen comes into picture . this world doesn't find or let you go easy on your way . i know in such situations you have avoid everything and listen to your heart and believe in yourself , but still such things are distraction

      As you go further , assuming that everything good will happen and keep your fears away and simply be positive , then suddenly the thing that you know , you cannot get , comes into picture , and you gets demotivated .

      you were true about the fear part , that you are really feared about something or making errors , then it will be difficult for you to make the next move and you give room to the situation and surroundings to make the next move and this arrises the problem , the things happen that you never want to happen , and life will put you into the court that you were responsible for the error .

      What should be the next move ?
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        Feb 26 2013: Tarun, it is a bit difficult to advise in the abstract. That you should continue to move forward toward your goals, expecting sometimes to make missteps, is a practical approach.

        But assuming everything will turn out great if you only believe in yourself is not enough to give you excellent odds of succeeding in what you undertake. One can try something over and over, but if one hasn't learned and planned intelligently along the way, one cannot simply count on good results just because one is motivated.

        You need to make sure you are prepared, that you understand and continue to learn about the context in which you are working, and that you have ideas as to mid-course corrections and fallback strategies, look into the resources that are available to help you, and that sort of thing.

        It also DOES matter how well your goals line up with your strengths or the strengths that you could build up. I could not, for example, with my age and lack of stature, now become a professional basketball player. It is always most promising to play to your strengths.

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