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Who’s had a rough or violent upbringing?
I could wright a book titled Guns Knives Brass Buckles & Soap. The soap bit sounds lame but it’s just as deadly as the rest. Please keep your replies as small as posssible.
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Don Wesley 50+
At the gathering an hour later, her nephew announced he could tell me the family secret!
Her father had abused her as a young child. I didn't ask what kind of abuse, but thought it was likely anger.
The family was matriarchal and mother was the head the family. Denise was strong headed and like her mother, so I could understand why he might be annoyed with child who was a little wild and said no to Dad.
A few years earlier all our family of 5, including the 3 boys, had regular weekly visits with a family therapist.
The problem he said was that Denise was acting as the head of family. We are Christians and the family structure was Patriarchal. She only had to live that way he said. A few years later he told me that she was going kill me. Wow, you have to be kidding me. He wasn’t!
It now explained to me why she arm and hand cuts, too frequently, when she gave birth to our first child.
A personality disorder was the explanation which included knives and the child of rage symptoms.
A few months after her mothers death the hidden rage exploded and was vented at me.
She planned with precision how was going to get rid of me. I won’t go into details. But I am obviously still alive and just getting over being lonely.
Please share with any wisdom you might have.
I still love my soul-mate. The abuse I experienced was much different.
Kate Blake 50+
From what you say about personality disorder, needing to control, etc it sounds like your wife was sexually abused by her father. And I'm guessing it was fairly constant sexual abuse possibly with her mothers knowledge? The men who do this are very weak damaged goods hence his wife controlled the family ...
Your five children had therapy, did she sexually abuse any of them? She had to be the ruling matriarch because this is both her way of coping with what happened to her, and also following the example her mother had set all her life.
The rage you experienced from your wife after her mothers death was her pent up anger and rage that her mother never kept her safe in her childhood. Many have strong resentment about this but feel unable to express it until the parent dies. This inability to appropriately express emotions, set reasonable boundaries, etc are a real legacy from years of abuse. The personality disorder is a means of coping with that ongoing abuse, they opt out, disassociate or they just can't deal with life.
There must be some good books to read on this but I haven't worked in this field for some years now. Please find some and you'll understand your ex-wife better. How do you get on with your children now? Is your Church supporting you through all this? How are you coping?
Don Wesley 50+
What you say about sexual abuse does sound more like what it is. It is something I am keeping as my family secret.
I have only three boys, two with Denise, and one I adopted when I was about 23 years old.
Chris, Steve and Mike. It is very possible it occurred with Chris.
I bought our home in 1969 and had it grow around us. She told everyone I was the kindest man she had ever met and kept the same story until about a year before her plan became an action.
She left the home on Xmas Eve of 2008. Then using Court Actions; 5 of them all with small lies
She had me evicted from my own home; from Home to Homelessness in less than 30 minutes, on July 31, 2009. I lived in my car for nearly two years, with temperatures at times 17 degrees below 0.
You can see my story being built on my Blog - innjustice.blogspot.com
My children were told some story; the details I never have been told; strange.
They assisted her in stealing my house and money from me. I have provided the police with all the informations. My home is in Montreal and I now live in Ontario in a small farming town.
I have been to many churches and found good people but, without the presence of God.
I am now representing myself in Court. There is a good chance my home will be returned to me.
In April I will be 80.
Somehow, all those who said I was wonderful, now never communicate with me.
It puzzles me.
Oh yes; one day last summer in the Wesleyan Church the pastor prayed for a miracle that my wife would re-join me.
Peace
Love
Don