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Mathew Naismith

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Who’s had a rough or violent upbringing?

I could wright a book titled Guns Knives Brass Buckles & Soap. The soap bit sounds lame but it’s just as deadly as the rest. Please keep your replies as small as posssible.

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  • Feb 24 2013: Physical abuse creates emotional damage too.
    Mental/emotional/psychic abuse, to me is longer lasting, more damaging and harder to deal with.
    I remember being forced to stand still, had to be still so I wouldn't die, and have bullets fired from high-powered rifles,
    as close to my head as possible. I could feel them through my hair, on my skin, all while begging and pleading for the shooter to stop.
    My father held a knife to my throat while he told me he was going to kill me and break into my bedroom where my mother was hiding, and butcher her. At 16 I had to talk him down, talk him through it and keep my mother safe.
    Later, I tried to kill my father and failed, twice, for which I felt a failure most of my life.
    Crazy-making was common, such as coming home, finding my mother all bloody and hiding in the closet and asking what happened? My father told me, "nothing, and don't you ever tell anyone!" Well, if nothing happened, why can't I tell anyone? Crazy-making. He used to hit me and then laugh about how much "I hurt his hand!" because he hit so hard.
    This started at age 6 months and believe it or not, my older brother suffered the worst of it. Mine lasted until I left home in my late teens. The Church and religion back my parents.

    In1988 I was watching a program on TV and there was a quote which went like this: "Parents are a child's worst enemy." I thought it absolutely sickening and ridiculous. Now, 25 years later, I realize and believe it is 100% true.
    I see it everywhere. Here's one way I see it:

    The victims are like all victims of any kind of long-term abuse. They identify with the abuser or abusers, & they support their abusers invasions of other countries, they support and tolerate the killing of hundreds of thousands of innocent people and children, and they enjoy the fruits stolen from other lands and peoples, which produce great amounts of collateral starvation, poverty, inequality, slavery, disease, excruciating misery & death.
    In short, Amerikans.
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      • Feb 25 2013: Hi Don.

        Justice won't be delivered. It's as simple as that. My life has not been as bad as others I know of and see wherever I go. That gives a bit of perspective at times, which can help.
        The reality is that over time, there have people, organizations, and other forms involving humans, in which horrible, horrible things have been done to others. The perpetrators lived their lives, many of them never being found out, made accountable or ever stopped, in some cases. The victims lived horrible lives, lives sometimes forever ruined long before they got to live them, eventually died, and that was that. Those who hurt others also died, but without ever having to account for their actions.
        People want to believe there will be some kind of justice in some "next life". I understand that wish, but it just ain't so. There is no way to prove any of it. It is just wishful thinking, another form of
        d..e..n..i..a..l.......Don't...Even...No...I...Am...Lying

        I personally don't believe in such things as karma or hope.They are both false to me. I abhor lies and prefer the truth no matter what it is.
        I have one thing I know and I trust it completely. I have found through my own experience, that it seems most people don't really trust what it is they say they believe in, particularly when it comes to a nightmare.
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      • Feb 25 2013: Hi Kate.
        I had no techniques for surviving it. Perhaps, leaving my body is a technique of survival. I have read it is something that younger people do and to varying degrees.
        I know that I didn't know I had a mind until I was almost 20 years of age and was totally surprised when I realized that. But I also knew (had no words, no one to talk to, no understanding of it, hard to explain), by the time I was 5 that I was a completely f _ _ _ ed up human being. I just knew it. Over time it would reveal itself to me but it always was automatic, immediate and all consuming. It's been that way for all my life.
        What I finally realized is that I never had me. That was destroyed between 3 and 5. Still don't have me. Never will have me. I don't know who that is. When people call my name I still wonder who in the hell are they talking to?
        At least I finally know that now. I am filled with rage, hatefulness and unforgiveness and I know that is what I will leave with. That will not change. That is the residue of it all. That's my pile of dust.
        I did many years of therapy, workshops, spiritual practices, belief in God, giving myself to God and over time my life worsened and never got better.
        I finally realized from experience that after visiting the bottom of the abyss, why hope is false, faith is no different than hope and knowing is the only thing to trust.
        I can only sum up this life, this way.
        The mind creates the abyss, and the heart must cross this.
        Apparently, I fell in.
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      Feb 24 2013: G’day Random Chance

      This is a good point you bring up about global abuse, it makes what my siblings & I went through menial & it is in a way to the global problem.

      I think certain cultures & certain social levels do have an abusive hereditary problem, if you look at a poorer country or family the abuse is usually local but for example you have a multinational or a multinational country their abuse is going to be more widely spread.

      I personally don’t really believe that parents are a child’s worst enemy as it can go either way, my wife had caring loving parents however some parents are very much a child’s worst enemy.

      Love
      Mathew
      • Feb 25 2013: Hi Mathew.
        a survey in 2009 revealed that more parents in America, are lying more often, about more things, to their children. At early ages, I believe lying is the beginning cause of mental illness, which Americans suffer from in large numbers.
        According to the last Comorbidity Replication Survey that I read, more than half the American population is suffering from mental illness and it is spreading and growing. This next point is amazing. This mental illness now begins at age 11. It can and does, go 20 years before being noticed, diagnosed and treated. This means that most Americans are extremely mentally ill (they are neurotic which is believing in things that are not real) but cannot recognize it because everyone around them is ill.
        It begins with parents who may not physically harm but are doing even greater damage to kid's psyches, and that is child abuse. They look normal and the refrain they use for the BS they teach is, "it's for the good of the child."
        Lying to children in their early years creates a split in their psyche, it is my theory. That split is a small, beginning split from reality. Being split from reality is known as psychosis and it can and is, manipulated later on in life as adults. This manipulation widens the crack, effectively splitting people further from themselves and thus, further from one another, which is very crucial politically.
        Think of it this way. An animal that cannot or does not trust its instincts, will perish almost immediately, at the nature of another animal.
        A human that cannot or does not trust its instincts, will become mentally ill and eventually go insane.
        Insane is to not know the difference between right and wrong, good or bad, true or false.
        A description of insane behavior is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. i.e. voting
        Wm. Casey, Head of CIA 1981 "We will know when our program of disinformation is complete when everything the American public believes, is false."

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