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Do you believe that women stay in an abusive relationship because they seen their mother stay in an abusive relationship?

Is it possible for an abused female to believe that she is just as strong as her mother who was also abused, and feel she can stay in the abusive relationship. The thought is that she can change her significant other because the abuser loves her.


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  • Feb 14 2013: I am that female, coming from a family which was deeply abusive, mentally, physically and emotionally. My first memory is my dad being arrested after trying to pull a wardrobe on my mother, and breaking her nose. I was 3. She then married another man, who was abusive manipulative and cruel - psychotic in his behaviour.

    I am now working hard to work through all of this and I've now realised that I was abused. I'm separating myself and standing back from all of this because if I ever repeat the same behaviour that the 3 adults in my life showed me, to my own children I will be a deeply ashamed woman.

    I personally don't think that any woman ever (or man) can change their partners violent behaviour. To be violent to those you love and have a home with, means there is something deeply rooted that is wrong with that person. Whether that be past experiences, depression, anger, anxiety. Something isn't right and nobody on this planet can ever change another person.

    For someone to change this terrible pattern of behaviour they have to take responsibility for it themselves. In a basic way 'you can bring the horse to water but you can't make it drink'.

    It has to be a choice. And the victims have to make a choice. Something has to give.

    Repeating your parents mistakes with relationships is quite normal, and if all you have ever known is violence and all you've ever known about how to conduct yourself in relationships is destructive and abusive, it takes seriously hard work, self awareness and the willingness to take responsibility for yourself and your future to change that.

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