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Do you believe that women stay in an abusive relationship because they seen their mother stay in an abusive relationship?

Is it possible for an abused female to believe that she is just as strong as her mother who was also abused, and feel she can stay in the abusive relationship. The thought is that she can change her significant other because the abuser loves her.

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    Feb 12 2013: Doesn't an uninterrupted physically abusive relationship almost always end badly(permanent injury or even death)? If a woman witnessed the pain and ugliness her Mother endured as an unaided, unprotected battered wife, how would that motivate or encourage her to try the same tactic? It seems the opposite would be true.
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      Feb 12 2013: Edward,
      I do not believe a person consciously tries "the same tactic". It is common that people are often attracted to a person who is like their opposite sex parent, and abuse has many different levels. A person could witness horrible abuse and violence, leave the house of origin with the intent to NEVER participate in an abusive relationship, and because of other dynamics, not even recognize abuse in a new relationship. Been there....done it.

      For example: My father was violent and abusive. He was not an educated man, and his level of education was below that of my mother. When I was young, I thought that was a factor contributing to abuse. I believed that an educated person COULD NEVER abuse another person. That turned out not to be true.

      While volunteering at the shelter, I was aware of the partners of professionals... doctors, lawyers, judges, etc., who were abused. We used to think it was only in a certain socio-economic segment of society where there was abuse, and that is a myth. There are many factors, which contribute to abuse....all of which we need to be aware of.
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        Feb 12 2013: You absolutely must write a book young lady! You have been many places and done many things. Jot it all down somewhere. Am I misinterpreting the OP? Isn't the question asking if a woman in an abusive relationship might choose the same tactic their Mom did in a similar situation? If that is the proper understanding of the question then I will stick to my original opinion. Thank you!
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          Feb 12 2013: I'm jotting it down right here Edward! LOL:>)

          Your original opinion is..."If a woman witnessed... pain... ugliness her Mother endured... how would that motivate or encourage her to try the same tactic? It seems the opposite would be true."

          Logically, your conclusion seems reasonable.

          However, it is often NOT a conscious, logical choice. There are so many different underlying factors with abusive relationships, that people act and react differently. Some people will follow the pattern established by their parents, some, may choose something totally different, and some may THINK they are choosing something different, but because of the underlying subconscious programming, may be following some of the same practices.......make any sense?

          Some people insist that alcohal or drug use causes abuse. Those who have a tendency to be abusive may be triggered by drugs or alcohal, but we know that some folks DO NOT abuse under the influence of drugs/alcohal, so it is simply one element to consider.

          Some folks insist that financial insecurity causes abuse. We know that there are lots of people who are financially insecure and are NOT abusive. That factor may contribute to abuse if there is a tendency to abuse.

          There are many factors like these, so we cannot say that witnessing the parents abusive relationship will, or will not cause one to be drawn to an abusive relationship, or to move totally in the opposite direction. See what I'm saying? To understand, we need to look at the whole picture, and it is different for everyone, although there are some connecting threads of information.
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        Feb 12 2013: You are correct that no two cases are identical. But I don't see how that changes the fact that to not oppose an abusive husband simply on the basis that you are following your Mother's example seems unlikely, especially if hers ended tragically. I do not disagree with your comments, but my answer stands.
        (So, I have to go onto your profile page and read ALL your comments to get the whole novel)?
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          Feb 13 2013: Dear Edward,
          Your comment is amusing!

          You asked a question.
          I provided information based on 60+ years of exploration of this topic, research, and years of interacting with victims of abuse and offenders.
          You now say your "answer stands"!!!

          You didn't really provide any "answer" my friend...you asked questions....did you not?

          To answer another of your questions regarding "the whole novel"...

          You are welcome to read the comments in my profile, as anyone is.
          I suggest it is not a "novel" because that "literary type" by definition, has an element of
          "invented prose". Most of my comments express experiences I have had and/or lessons I have learned throughout the life experience. There is nothing that is "invented".
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        Feb 13 2013: Interesting word you use there, "amusing". To muse means to ponder, think, contemplate. To add the prefix "a" means to not think, not ponder, or not contemplate. Isn't that amusing?
        The only two questions I have asked (other than about your upcoming novel) was, " Isn't the question asking if a woman in an abusive relationship might choose the same tactic their Mom did in a similar situation?"; and, "Doesn't an uninterrupted physically abusive relationship almost always end badly(permanent injury or even death)?". My position on the OP is that it makes no sense for a woman to mimic a behaviour which she knows from experience leads to a tragic end. I am not commenting on whether women do, or do not, mimic their Mothers, I am commenting on the rationality of such a choice. I yield to your 60+ years of experience as a counselling professional and make no claim about your comments. I did, contrary to your assertion, answer the OP and I stick with my answer. . . to stay in an abusive relationship because your Mother stayed in hers is an unwise, irrational choice. Let's not give-up on someday actually agreeing on something. Is real Vermont maple syrup good? I say it is.
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          Feb 13 2013: Yes....I agree Edward....amusing:>)

          I am aware of the questions you asked Edward....thanks for clarifying.

          I agree...."it makes no sense for a woman to mimic a behaviour which she knows from experience leads to a tragic end".

          What I try to share with you, is the idea that a person who is in an abusive relationship is not often reasonably, logically, rationally making "sense" of her situation. Because of many different factors, (threat being a common one), she often doesn't realize that she has choices.

          I'm not disagreeing with you on this, and in fact, it's good that you have presented it. I'm simply looking at it from the inside out....while you may be looking at it from the outside in (rationally, logically, sensibly). Your perception from the outside looking in, is not unusual Edward:>)

          I've heard your perspective and other statements many times...."staying in the relationship doesn't make any sense"...."why don't they just leave?"..."she is crazy for staying with him"...."she LIKES to be abused"....etc. etc....Please understand that I am not attributing some of these statements to you....only the one about "making sense". But, do you see what I'm trying to express about seeing from the inside, as opposed to seeing from the outside?

          Real Vermont maple syrup IS THE BEST!!! Do you think/feel it is only "good", or the "best???

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