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Mathew Naismith


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Is polygamy wrong taking in consideration that we accept same sex marriages now?

G’day TED Freinds

I have seen so many couples break up because one or the other has fallen for another person but the married couple still love each other, I’m not talking about lust here either but love. I suppose jealousy plays a part here but should it?


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    Feb 14 2013: G’day James

    Thanks for the links James, is polygamy worse than being married a number of times or having a mistress or two on the side but not only that having children as well within these relationships? The children suffer big time, fancy having half-brothers & sisters you don’t know about!!!.....Another problem here is the possibility of marrying your half brother or sister; you don’t have these problems within a polygamist relationship.

    Polygamist relationships have their own set of problems but they are no more or worse than in monogamist relationships.

    In monogamist based relationships you basically own your partner as they usually can’t do what makes themselves happy especially if that means the said partner falls for another, have we got the right to stop this plus if we really loved them wouldn’t their happiness come first? I didn’t buy my partner at a slave auction however if she’s going to take another partner I would like to know about it.

    I’m a carpenter/joiner & the stories I heard about other tradesmen having it off with married women it wasn’t funny, I didn’t do this myself as I found this not the right thing to do but I had numerous opportunities. There is something much more rampant, disturbing & destructive than polygamy it called adultery & it’s legal where’s polygamy isn’t, I don’t get it!!!!...One promotes dishonesty the other honesty, it’s funny we legalise dishonesty over honesty!!!!!!!

    • Feb 15 2013: With all of what you have said you have said it from the monogamist mindset, and the mindset on knowing only religious and patriarchal polygamy and the harms associated with it. Much of the harms present there are also present in monogamy too, if not more so since it is more prevalent. Within in those contexts much of what you said is correct, but once you pop into polyamory much of those issues do not really exist in partners and families that have really embraced its egalitarian and ethical nature. Spend some time reading about it so you can understand ethical plural partner relationships in polyamory. Two of the best books I have read on the topic are 'Polyamory Roadmaps' and 'Pagan Polyamory'. There is very, very, very little paganism in there. I was worried about that too.

      What matters in all cases is the quality of the relationships - openness, honesty, personal responsibility, and respect. Polygamy and cheating as you are talking about is generally not really consensual, nor ethical. When you engage in relationships based on domination, deception, and lack of choice, then yes much is going to go wrong and people are not going to be happy, that is just the nature of the beast - patriarchal polygamy and cheating. Having brothers and sisters you do not know about happen now within the confined constraints of monogamy, mostly brought on by monogamy being the only rather limited choice. If consensual plural partner relationships (polyamory) were accepted. There would be much less divorce and separated families -> less children who have long lost families since they will be more together.

      The key here is egalitarian, ethical, open and honest.

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