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Is polygamy wrong taking in consideration that we accept same sex marriages now?
G’day TED Freinds
I have seen so many couples break up because one or the other has fallen for another person but the married couple still love each other, I’m not talking about lust here either but love. I suppose jealousy plays a part here but should it?
Topics:
Law of Love jealousy lust polygamy marriage
James O'Neill
http://news.yahoo.com/sexual-revolution-polyamory-may-good-154751829.html
Jesus Zuazo
- Total agreement of the componet parts of marriage.
- Total respect to all components of marriage.
- Total equality to all components of marriage.
... and this must be rule about the heart or mind and legal contract of marriage.
Mathew Naismith 10+
Thanks for the links James, is polygamy worse than being married a number of times or having a mistress or two on the side but not only that having children as well within these relationships? The children suffer big time, fancy having half-brothers & sisters you don’t know about!!!.....Another problem here is the possibility of marrying your half brother or sister; you don’t have these problems within a polygamist relationship.
Polygamist relationships have their own set of problems but they are no more or worse than in monogamist relationships.
In monogamist based relationships you basically own your partner as they usually can’t do what makes themselves happy especially if that means the said partner falls for another, have we got the right to stop this plus if we really loved them wouldn’t their happiness come first? I didn’t buy my partner at a slave auction however if she’s going to take another partner I would like to know about it.
I’m a carpenter/joiner & the stories I heard about other tradesmen having it off with married women it wasn’t funny, I didn’t do this myself as I found this not the right thing to do but I had numerous opportunities. There is something much more rampant, disturbing & destructive than polygamy it called adultery & it’s legal where’s polygamy isn’t, I don’t get it!!!!...One promotes dishonesty the other honesty, it’s funny we legalise dishonesty over honesty!!!!!!!
Love
Mathew
James O'Neill
What matters in all cases is the quality of the relationships - openness, honesty, personal responsibility, and respect. Polygamy and cheating as you are talking about is generally not really consensual, nor ethical. When you engage in relationships based on domination, deception, and lack of choice, then yes much is going to go wrong and people are not going to be happy, that is just the nature of the beast - patriarchal polygamy and cheating. Having brothers and sisters you do not know about happen now within the confined constraints of monogamy, mostly brought on by monogamy being the only rather limited choice. If consensual plural partner relationships (polyamory) were accepted. There would be much less divorce and separated families -> less children who have long lost families since they will be more together.
The key here is egalitarian, ethical, open and honest.
James O'Neill
http://www.arionshome.com/social-activism/polyamory-introduction/
on polygamy here:
http://www.arionshome.com/social-activism/polygamy-problem/
and a post written on jealousy too:
http://www.arionshome.com/2009/06/24/understanding-and-managing-jealousy/
*****
When I see these romantic movies that involve relationships/families breaking me up because of our societal standard of enforced monogamy it makes me sad, since it does not have to be that way... at all. We are taught to be jealous, possessive, and territorial over our romantic partners, plus the myth of that one special person or relationship that will be a magical completion of our lives. This creates significant problems with our society and family because of unrealistic relationship expectations, like if we find that one special person a relationship will be no work at all - like magic.
James O'Neill
Pabitra Mukhopadhyay 30+
Mathew Naismith 10+
Yes this is including women as well in actual fact I discussed this with my wife taking on another partner as I would rather her take on a partner I know about than the one’s I don’t.
There is a point here that we don’t own our partners & if we loved them like we should whatever makes them happy should also make us happy, polygamy is a good way to test how strong the love is within the relationship but I have a funny feeling most relationships would fail in this area but I could be wrong.
Love
Mathew
Pabitra Mukhopadhyay 30+
We are also under an impression that children have no say in the whole matter of taking on another partner or as many partners as one likes. I think what children think in this matter has never been explored with sufficient care as we hardly cared if they have a right as a child, at all. Love also has a responsible side of it, and it is not practically possible to know if a child will prefer to be born in a relationship of multiple partnership.
We just have not enough data on the mental and intellectual development of children of single parents or multiple parents to come to any conclusion. If love is the only basis of spousal relationship, and I will argue it is not, it cannot exclude the products of love, ie, children.
Mathew Naismith 10+
There are huge dilemmas involved in such circumstances but of course polygamy has been practiced in other countries for centuries not without problems of course. I think modern day living would complicate a polygamist relationship somewhat.
It has been pointed out by others that living in a monogamist relationship has it’s down sides as well as we can still have many partners & children by different partners through divorcing & remarrying. I think in this circumstance the kids are worse off than being born under a polygamist relationship I would presume.
Love
Mathew
george lockwood 20+
Okay he had four wives ultimately, but really loved Rachael a.k.a. ewe Then the other kids didn't get along with his two favorites Joseph and Benjamin Want a problem name your favorite young boy son-at-the-right hand. Want a real problem have four(4) wives. Look at the tax problems,too.
Theodore A. Hoppe 200+
Go figure.
george lockwood 20+
Mathew Naismith 10+
In reading these replies we do seem to be in an agreement that it would be OK however as pointed out any divorce proceedings would be nightmarish, I’m surprised the legal constabulary hasn’t pushed for polygamist marriages to be made lawful in this case because boy wouldn’t they win out.
There are a number of other implications as well like with wills, tax’s, social welfare & so on, however if works I suppose the nightmares are worth it. I could imagine what this would teach me if my wife took on another partner, tolerance, goodwill, devotion, sincerity & so on, I would be a totally different person than what I am now!!!
I do agree with Gordon if women & men where forced or expected to enter into polygamist relationships through religious or other forms of ideologies against their will that this shouldn’t ever be accepted like it is in some other cultures in the world even today.
I was brought up in a Christian community & if you mentioned polygamy you were put down & same sex marriages weren’t even discussed, I suppose we would have been burnt at the stake if we mentioned same sex marriages in my time growing up, isn’t it funny how tolerant & less conflictive we have become!!!
Love
Mathew
Xavier Belvemont 30+
Barry Palmer 50+
Polygamy is not wrong if no one is being harmed. Provided that all partners are willing, adult partners at all times, polygamy is a private matter among the partners. I do not think that I or anyone else should judge such people.
Personally, I have imagined having multiple wives in my fantasies, but cannot imagine how it could work in reality. I strongly suspect that if we could figure out and master how to maintain our relationships that we would find one partner to be sufficient. It seems to me that multiple partners multiplies all the things that can go wrong with relationships. I know some people are happy in a polygamous relationship, but it is a mystery to me how they manage to do it. I am guessing that all of the partners must be very tolerant and forgiving.
Jordan Schwall
These both reduce to the field of theology. Christianity is far more prevalent and a more difficult social institution to shake than Mormonism. Arguably the greatest harness on gay equality was religious opposition, and, derivates who hold that marriage is a, 'sacred tradition specific to the union of one male and one female.'
Like gay marriage, polygamy is having trouble divorcing itself from its religion. Opponents to polygamy do not see social equality, but a taboo associated with extremist belief system--mormonism-- in the US. As I digress, for centuries, polygamy's practice has been barbaric in pre-modern cultures. We, as Americans, the alleged compass of reason and rightness, cannot at this time endorse such a globally unrefined familial organization.
Once polygamy has reached the social frontier that gay equality did, it will never be "wrong." Polygamy has yet to mature as a lifestyle choice, and is rather still a theological taboo. Our society's moral and ethical systems have only begun to digest these issues, and increasingly in the realm of social debate.
Your question is addressed to a mass of people, and based in the idea of love and jealousy rather than an ethical dilemma, so you are subject to everyone else's emotions, when really, an answer to your type of question does not come from debate, but from within. As you choose to follow the law, theology, personal autonomy, consequentialism, etc., you will rest upon an answer to a question that may not be ethically answerable, or at least, personally satisfactory.
JS
Mathew Naismith 10+
I’m not sure myself how I would handle another partner however I have discussed this with my wife, as I do of many things that enter my warped mind, & I said to her if I was going to lose her over someone else I would accept her having another partner however I too must get along with her other partner as well of course.
I don’t suffer with jealousy too much so I suppose for me it would be accepted. I know of a bloke with two partners who are with him at the same time & I know of a few women with various partners as well of course these women are wrongly called sluts in my mind which is another discussion.
Would these same authorities who allow same sex marriage have the right to jail you for polygamy? In Australia if something like this went to court the authorities would have a hard time of it because being prejudice in anyway is frowned upon in this country.
Love
Mathew
Michael McWatters
Linda Taylor 50+
But if there are people out there that can pull it off, have at it. But it had better be equitable. Women and men should be allowed to have as many marriage partners as they want no matter what their sexual orientation. Marriage is mostly a state institution that revolves around money. Imagine those divorce proceedings...
You could have a woman who is married to two men who are not part of the same marriage who are married to other women or men and so on. Why bother?
Fritzie Reisner 100+
Mathew Naismith 10+
The connection is if you allow same sex marriages how or would the authorities have the right to stop someone legally marrying more than one partner which would also go for same sex couples?
Love
Mathew
Gordon Barker 10+
I think my opinion is therefore "who cares".
It will certainly give the lawyers lots of work in straightening out divorces and property settlements.
The operative word here is "consenting". Many of the polygamy marriages now are based on religious orders where consent seems to be missing.
For that, I have no patience and would not allow.