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Should parents set their children up for life, or empower them to be more independent?
This recently came to mind as I recalled how many 'new' Australians worked incredibly hard in order to educate their children. They knew education would be a key to survival in this new homeland but it didn't stop there.
They also bought their first car, first home, paid for huge weddings bringing family from their home country (Italian and Greek immediately come to mind). One daughter a solicitor complained to mummy, a cleaner, that the house wasn't big enough or in the right suburb. Mummy kept working to buy the right house ...
Others teach their kids right from wrong and often don't have the finances or diligence of these new migrants to pay for everything.
We each grow up differently according to our environment and expectations.
How did you grow up? Please share your story of what happened for you and the generation before and after you? Are there any lessons here?
Closing Statement from Kate Blake
The words that arose were guidance, education, empowering - a "Balance" of the above.
Much thanks for your participation and to TED for the forum!
Feyisayo Anjorin 50+
Salim Solaiman 50+
Kate Blake 50+
Good advise - are you able to share a brief overview of how you were bought up and how you are bringing your children up?
Salim Solaiman 50+
Great to hear your voice :) Happy new year.
Right you are was not sure as your those "Yellow Tulips" are missing but because of your name to be sure looked into your location and as that also has some change.....became unsure again.
Thanks for your interest about me....
Well I was raised with more RULEs than empowerment. List of do's and don'ts were always there. I am not saying that was bad considering the time scale and socio cultural backdrop we were living...What I am today that is because of those guidance ....don't know what I could be if I was more empowered...Just an example , while going for my Graduate level education I had to choose the subject my parents were thinking to be right though I wanted to study something else. Another a bit more stringent example is until I was in graduate level my hair cut also was decided by father..:)
Moral teaching was on top of fathers agenda.....very simple moral....don't lie, stay honest, be humble this kind of things..... as kid every night after dinner he used to tell me stories...with moral , I was fond of those....he made me to be reader beyond text books
My mother's Top of the Agenda was Good Score in school.....
As father now my top of the agenda is Keeping them ever curious & leading them to sound moral ground.....instead rules I try to give guidance.......some areas I am also empowering them.....One thing is important regarding empowerment...until one is developed enough empowering can be dangerous for her/himself which is also true for adults...that I learnt from my observation in work place ....
Don't know how effective or right am I !!!
By the way I am also back home....have a good day.
Kate Blake 50+
Seeing how your children turn out will be proof in the pudding plus there is their mothers influence also.
Salim Solaiman 50+
Definitely her influence is there and that should be more....as I was not around them for past few years....
Like my mother , she is more focused with their school results......seems her's is more rule oriented, so feel that's balancing any loop hole I have in my guiding & empowering principle......e.g any school matter my kids talk to their mother....beyond that they jump on me .
Mark Kurtz 20+
Your question brings to mind the word "balance". A mind of perfect poise will get through life much better with less risk of imbalance. If a child receives a balanced training foundation, it will think better, be more confident, be balanced and confident relating to others, and have a sense of worth and value. Such a balanced concept cannot be found in overemphasis for anything, including self worth.
If a child gets everything handed to them without their efforts to gain an understanding of value, then what value can a child learn observing others? Reward without work is a recipe for imbalance.
If parents observe children making an effort to understand, to gain experience, and to relate well to others, then surely the child deserves assistance because they will appreciate and respect the aid. What respect can we expect from children who are lazy or who do not appreciate what is given?
Set their children up for life? What does that mean to you? Does this mean all the material things one needs without them working for them? I 'd say setting up a special child who needs institution care, who cannot provide for self, is a good service concept for the child.
Everyone else should gain experience and earn what he gets. Rights are not automatic, but actually privileges granted by higher authority! Could you agree on this point?
Best regards.
greg dahlen 20+
Scott Koenraadt
Fritzie Reisner 100+
Kate Blake 50+
Random Chance 30+
Teaching them how to become successful in unjust systems means only a few will succeed while most will fall by the wayside and will suffer greatly for most of their lives.
I don't know how anyone today can actually live with themselves particularly knowing that billions are starving to death, dying of thirst, disease, having no clean water to drink, and at the deaths of 20,000 children 5 years of age and under, every single day, not realize that keeping these kinds of unjust, unequal systems alive and learning how to be successful in them, is immoral, wrong and downright evil.
Our world focus should be on different things, perhaps really the right things instead of what we think is important.
I grew up being lied to about everything. Everything I was told was a lie.
We humans survive, not I.