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If this were the last day of your life, how would you spend it?
It just occurred to me today that finishing my most urgent project at work wouldn't be on my to do list. I would love to read some thoughts or stories.
...After reading some responses, it seems that most people would do what they always wanted to do and take care of things that they value most. But why wouldn't we do these things in the first place, regardless of how long we have left? I don't mean it as a rhetorical question - it would be interesting to read some thoughts.
Closing Statement from Arkady Grudzinsky
I'd like to thank everyone who participated in this conversation. Lots of interesting thoughts and perspectives.
Perhaps, most notable conclusions:
1. At the end, we focus on what matters most for us, and for most people it's people we love - most people would spend time with family, friends, write letters, etc.
2. It should not matter whether we live the last day of our life or not. Perhaps, we should just do what we do any other day, like having a cup of nice tea, and enjoy the moment.
It's hard to summarize everything that was said here - worth reading.
Peter Gray
melody bubbles
Jamia Wilson
Theodore A. Hoppe 200+
Arkady Grudzinsky 50+
Colleen Steen 500+
I like both words...."live" and "spend", and to me, either seems appropriate in this context.
Spend: "to use up or pay out; expend; to wear out; exhaust; to cause or permit to elapse..."
If I knew it was the last day of my life, I would probably be both "living" it, and "spending" it.
For me, it would probably feel like a transition time between living the human life experience, and permitting the body to elapse:>)
Fritzie Reisner 100+
In answer to your question of why in general people do not do every day what they would do on their last day, let me respond by analogy. Perhaps you have a favorite food or a favorite genre of literature. Wouldn't you want to eat, or read, other things as well during your life? If what you would want involves specific other people, they need also to have a chance to do the things they are interested in doing in their lives other than being with you all the time.
Arkady Grudzinsky 50+
I don't suggest that we do what we love all the time as long as we do that regularly and do not wait until our last day.
Gail . 50+
Ho Tung Manh
Falling exhausted and tensed after the training, I would have a really good hot-cold alternate shower. Then sharpening my mind up with a good cup of coffee, I would listen to music that I like. While doing that, I would have breakfast with my whole family, smile with them, being relaxed and happy in their presence. After that, in a relaxed and flexible state of mind , I would love to listen to some debates on controversial topic like: How the Universe began? What is the meaning of life? and so forth. I would try to have my own opinion uninfluenced by others on each of this topic. I would spend my time reading a book I like in a cafe with a great view too. If I overhear some interesting discussions, I would try to join them.
In the afternoon, I would get my soccer team to play for one more time, try to enjoy the connection, the ease in playing and the rhythm of the game. Everyone just needs to do their best and keep the team in their minds.
In the evening, I would spend my time with my loved ones. Enjoy each other's company. And feel happy and lucky for having someone to share the last day with. :)
Maybe at some moments, there comes a thought of this is the LAST day, things will be all gone. But I will try let those little moments go and dive in enjoying my last day with all I have.
Arkady Grudzinsky 50+
I don't feel like I'm doing anything that would matter on my last day. Essentially, this is the reason I posted this question. It is very possible that each of these things seem minor and insignificant, but at the end, after doing them them every day for many years, they do make a huge difference in someone's life. So, perhaps, I'd better keep doing them and avoid useless questions.
Ho Tung Manh
The things I mentioned are in the list of things I would always want to do so I would try to structure my life around it. I am still very young, just graduated from college and no big commitment currently, so it allows me to spend time doing things I really really want to do.
I am working for a Japanese company now, work will pick up soon, I think there will be less spare time. As for list of things I want to do in my last day, I don't think I could do all of them every single day but few things I know I would not trade for are martial art, reading and time with family and friends. They are things I love and treasure so much. I think they are things in my nature.
Again please keep in mind that what I described to you is just an ideal day, and since it was supposed to be the last day, I include all the things I want there. Real life is vastly different but I think the matter is the quality of your experience, as long as you love your work, you enjoy doing it, you make the most out of each moment, then I think you have spent your time well.
Arkady Grudzinsky 50+
Colleen Steen 500+
You both seem to be very insightful, wise young people. It is indeed possible to structure our life around those things that are most important to us at any given time.
As you say Ho Tung Manh, we may not be able to do everything every single day, and I have found in the life adventure, that my focus goes to different things at different stages. When my kids were little for example, they and my husband were my focus (family), and many other tasks and interests revolved around the family.
There was a time in my life, I focused on strengthening the body to support a medical condition, which was weakening the body. The kids were getting older and didn't need my total focus as much, I still had other interests, and strengthening the body was a focus.
Once the body was strengthened to a certain degree, it was a matter of maintaining the strength, the kids were off to college, I was still maintaining a couple businesses and careers, and I focused more on mental/emotional evolution.
Throughout my life, all of these elements have been very much a part of the life experience, and various elements get priority at different times. And that is how we structure our lives around the things that are important to us.....that is how we mindfully, with awareness "build" our lives:>)
Any day could be the last, and I was reminded of that fact 23 years ago with a near fatal head injury. I think/feel what is important to the living/dying process, is to know that we are doing the very best we can in any given moment, as we travel through the life adventure. When we get to the end of the line, it feels better NOT to have regrets regarding the life experience:>)
Arkady Grudzinsky 50+
The company I work for makes semiconductor chips for those devices everyone is crazy about when they are new and forget about them in a couple of months just to get the next one. It's a never-ending chase. Products that seemed exciting 3 years ago are not in production any more. And there is, of course, another "hot", "exciting", and "promising" product in the pipeline. No doubt, it will be forgotten too 3 years from now. I spend, roughly, 1/3 of my life on this stuff...
When I was in a hospital with my wife when she gave birth to our sons, I envied people who work in the hospital, because what they do, literally, makes a difference between life and death... Weird feeling.
Mahabalraj Singh Peshi
So my suggestion to you is to dig deeper into this Weired feeling and to explore what it could mean, it could just be your subconscious giving you hints.
by the way, i would suggest a book to you, "What should I do with my life" by Po Bronson.
John Frum 30+
Even a cook can look at each burger he made, and say, "with this, I fill one person's stomach". So, why can't you? If no one found the work you do useful, you wouldn't have been paid for it.
Arkady Grudzinsky 50+
Here is an interesting video about "what motivates us": http://youtu.be/u6XAPnuFjJc. The speaker says that money work only for physical jobs. People who use creativity and cognitive skills, actually, perform worse when promised large material rewards. They are more motivated by recognition and perfection of their skills.
As for me, the longer people use something I made, the more satisfying it is to me. In a company I left 6 years ago, I wrote a program for data analysis. I was very surprised to find out recently that people still use it. It amazes me how much hard work and brains go into integrated circuits compared to how cheap they are and how short they are used. Compare this to a paper clip, a zipper, or a light bulb.
Colleen Steen 500+
The question that pops into my mind, based on your comments is...are we doing the work only for someone else? Or are we also enjoying the experience? I agree Arkady...interesting topic for another discussion....how do we perceive our work? I think it is also very relevant to this topic.
I love what you wrote John..."Even a cook can look at each burger he made, and say, "with this, I fill one person's stomach". "
How do we move through each and every day of the life experience? I find that enjoying the adventure is very important....for me anyway! I always call my life adventures work/play because I truely enjoy every aspect of it....even the challenges:>)
I look at everything and everyone as if it is the very first time....with the curiosity of a child. So, yes...that burger I make is filling a person's stomach. The dishes I wash reminds me that I have food....the laundry I do reminds me that I have cloths and a wonderful machine to wash those cloths. I LOVE taking laundry off the line when it has been drying in the fresh breeze and sun....I still notice it, smell it and LOVE it after thousands of times doing the same task. Every single day I walk in the gardens, I realize the wonder and magic of what the gardens produce.....food....beauty....joy....exercize....the wonderful sounds and sights of everything that is happening in the gardens.
The "jobs" and careers I've had have been VERY educational, and I am grateful for that.....I am grateful that I've been willing and able to really "notice" everyone and everything that has contributed to my life adventure.....grateful every time someone cooks me a hamburger. I take NOTHING for granted, and that is what makes a HUGE difference in the life adventure...in my humble perception and experience:>)
Alex Velazquez
Roy Bourque 20+
And then I would spend time in full defiance that my life should end. I'm not dead until I'm dead so I am going to live my life until I can't live no more.
My father was diagnosed with bone cancer 18 years ago. The doctor told him he had six months to live. He outlived that deadline by 4 1/2 years. In that time, he prepared his home so that it would be in the best of shape for my mother. He lived his life for those he loved, and that is the way I try to live my life. Since his death, I have been my mother's keeper. I call her everyday and make sure that she has no worries. I don't believe that this is all there is to life. But I do believe that we need to do the best we can with the life we have.
Mahabalraj Singh Peshi
Having a good long breakfast with my family, then playing some board games with my close friends.
Later i would go to a local orphanage and pick a child there and donate money for his/her education until university level (if i can afford it).
In the evening I would have a good cup of coffee and write a letter to my self 16 year old self.
after that I would pray and ask for forgiveness and say thanks for all my blessing.
then I would be ready.......
Even in the mids of life, we are in death. It is the price we pay for choosing life. I can only hope that my time here was spend productively with my passions and the people i care for.
Gary Malloy
I am one of the worlds luckiest people. Ten years ago I won the life lottery, I was diagnosed with stage 4 Head/Neck cancer. When you spend the better part of two years not knowing if this is your last day or not, you develop an entire different prospective on life.
I live everyday as if it may be my last because it may be. If not cancer then just life itself.
Don't be afraid of death, it will come for everyone. Don't waste time worrying about death, spend your time enjoying life.
Gogo della Luna
John Frum 30+
Frankey Chang
Luckly,we are people who have realized how deeply our parents have loved us when they are living.
We would not regret in our entire life.We would express our gratitude and love for them.
Thank you for your regards.
Our parents is great,thier love is great.
Also send my warm regards to your parents.
We should take good care of our parents.
Wish our parents have a good health.
:)the time is 22:47.
Good night,our parents.
Good night,Liz.
Frankey
Elizabeth Gu 30+
I hadn't read the thread before you mentioned you'd replied.
They must be proud of you...
Give my best regards to them
Liz
Frankey Chang
lol.
I didn't reply on other's below about three times.
I should be more familer of TED,also a friend.
Lorelei Coffin
When I die, society loses the contents of my mind. It would be to their enduring benefit to offer them my best thoughts before I go.
That probably wouldn't happen, though. For the same reason that I don't work on that in the first place. Low self-esteem. I don't feel competent that my ideas are valuable or that I possess the skills to pass them on at all. So I try to forget about it and live comfortably. It sort of works.
Death means no consequences the next day. So no consequences of trying to do something you can't do and failing. This gives people extra confidence. That's why they start thinking of acting on their values then instead of everyday.
carolyn mcauley 20+
Kate Blake 50+
Every single living being is valuable, our thoughts, our skills are unique to each of us. We each offer something very different to those in our world.
May I suggest you act on your values now?
Be kind to yourself as you are a very precious person!
Arkady Grudzinsky 50+
I don't think, we need to have any ideas or skills to make, sometimes, profound impact on each other's life. Just being ourselves is sufficient. Here is a video that illustrates this thought:
http://www.ted.com/talks/drew_dudley_everyday_leadership.html
And here is an interesting quote I found (source unknown): “You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.”
Lorelei Coffin
Arkady Grudzinsky 50+
Frankey Chang
Tears come into my heart-deep-core,especially when i saw the follow saying"My observation while spending time with people who were dying, is that the most regret and sorrow, was because of what they DID NOT do that they WISHED thay had done during the life adventure"
,noted by colleen steen.
For i am sure i 'll be that kind regretful and sorrowful person when i am dying.
So,i would rightly go home and stay with my mum and dad.
Take a walk with them on a quiet country lane of my village,
And that is a long way,Having some heart talking,
About old days,about sentiment of old days,about my thanks for them.
Still together till "the time" goes down.
My parents ,for my better education,did a lot of hard work those years.
And they never said a complaint character about this,On the contrary,“you needn't sorry about it,we are very happy to do everything for you.It's also our responsibility”they told me.
And beside,they give me all their love that my poor English couldn't write it out.
I love my mum and dad and i am grateful for things they did for me.
Elizabeth Gu 30+
I guess we all are (at least) grateful for their dedication and love as we should be.
I think we can never pay it back no matter how hard we try...
Their love it so deep.
The truth is, still, we don't know it until we really 'know'. People say that usually they realize how much their parents have loved them when they all pass away.
There's a famous doctor in Korea who keeps saying that we shouldn't be unkind to our parents ‘cause if we were, we would regret it in our entire life when they’re gone. He says expressing our gratitude and love to them is the most important thing we should keep in mind.
I from time to time think about them, but they almost always think about me.
I’m concerned about their health when they’re really sick, but they’re worried about me a lot more times than I would’ve expected.
Send my warm regards to your parents, and let’s take good care of our parents, Frankey.
Liz
Frankey Chang
I may lost my mind at the time.lol
Did the cunning reply saw you?
Elizabeth Gu 30+
Juliette Zahn 50+
Frankey Chang
Thank you for your inspring both to my English and my love for parents.
This is enjoyful,walking,talking,Then stoping them on the grass,and letting sushine in.
Your notes"listen, learn, love, live, create, eat, heal, thank. be myself "would be sure to make you perfect and your life wondering.
Juliette Zahn 50+
Thank you for your kind words.......I wish you every happiness :)
Victor Zapata
Kunal Shah
Haingo Rajaonarison
Colleen Steen 500+
I LOVE that you say "as usual":>)
Random Chance 30+
walter crockett
natasha nikulina 50+
If i were not the only Natasha around i would think that your comment has nothing to do with me... i am still not sure :)
Anyway, thank you very much for your kind words !
I am reading the posts in this conversation, because the question, in question has never crossed my mind before . For me ' my last day' scenario is unreheaseable.
Though i think , ' Memento mori ' should never leave our mind, it makes us gentle and vulnerable iow. strong :)
Elizabeth Gu 30+
I've been busy doing my work. I couldn't afford spending time with her lately.
She's been asking me, "Play with me, sister. My dolls are waiting for teas. Would you like to join us?"
My answer was, "Later, sorry. I'm busy, hon."
For my last day, I want to "be" with her.
Not just physically, but with all my heart.
We might watch Toy story again. lol
Colleen Steen 500+
It appears that your heart is with your little sister all the time......hopefully, you can join her for tea one of these days.
My brother died last week, a good friend's husband died this week, my neighbor just called me this morning....their daughter died yesterday....
Don't wait dear Liz, to MAKE the time to spend with those you love.
Love you,
Colleen
Elizabeth Gu 30+
Please accept my sincere condolences.
Yes, I'll keep that in mind, Colleen.
I should not wait until the very time comes...
And for what it's worth, guess what?
Today, I had one good day with my sister.
:) She is happy. So am I.
Love you, too
Sincerely,
Liz
Colleen Steen 500+
My observation while spending time with people who were dying, is that the most regret and sorrow, was because of what they DID NOT do that they WISHED thay had done during the life adventure.
John Vieira
I envy you and sincerely wish you good luck.
Richard Krooman 50+
For instance, do I know it is my last day?
Am I capable to spend it in any way or are there limitations (like could I wish for an infinite day or could I create world peace etc.)?
Did I already know I was getting to the last day or did I just hear it?
There are a lot of important unknown factors here.
Also it is too personal for me to really answer the question.
Kate Blake 50+
Richard Krooman 50+
I am perfectly fine living without answers... I'm even fine living without asking myself the above question(s).
But in order for anyone to answer the question of how you would spend your last day would require all of my questions to be answered as well.
For instance if I was "building up to a last day" I would probably throw a farewell party and end it by skydiving without a parachute (ofcourse making sure that I don't hurt anyone doing so). I would like to be in control if that was the case. What's an hour more if you've already said your goodbye's and "can't do anything but wait"....
But anyway.. I didn't ask the question... I just said that it was incomplete.
To answer your question is more complex though.... I would say that I'm relearning how to live while having survived for quite a while. But that sounds more grimm than it actually is. Many people are in a lot less fortunate situation than I am... so it's actually unfair of me to say what I just said....
Perhaps I shouldn't press submit... but it would be a shame to waste the insight into someone's mindset would it not? :D
walter crockett
Pat Henderson
This culminated in a set of lyrics in a song that seem to flow very easily from me.
Care, did you really care
for me it was always something up ahead
over the next hill or around the next bend
always moving just to keep from standing still
the stream runs dry as time passes by
I really hate to admit it but all dreams die
even if you think you can outlive the thought
that all you've done is listen to my words
well you have just missed the point
so I'll try to be clear
sinking twisting leaning back
there you seem so relaxed
shifting lifting arching back
I see your muscles tensing to react
I'll remember rhythm rhymes
sharing lives and passing times
and never think to question
was it there I left a care
all I know is I can swear
that your dreams can feeling so alone
So if I had something to tell you
and you wanted to hear it
I guess this is it
if you have something to say
you damn well better say it
if you have something to do
you better work your way through it
because before you know it's
"OVER"
Anna Kazcorowska 10+
Hmmm... Writing a goodbye letter to everybody whom I've met or haven't met, hopefully a letter good enough to reach those people and express love, thankfullness, give inspiration, hope and some deep thoughts I've managed to gather in my humble life. Then - positing it through different media. And then - hugging my boyfriend :)
Maaher Sayeed 10+