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Martha Mark

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How many times do you have to forgive your spouse?

Being in a relationship is great when there is understanding and mutual interest, But it hurts so bad to be cheated on doesnt it? its hard for some let go of someone they deeply love no matter how many times they cheat..i am wondering does it feel right to forgive some one who cheats and makes excuse everytime?

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    Fran Ontanaya 100+

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    TED TranslatorLanguage Coordinator
    Jan 3 2013: These are different times, in which finding a suitable partner is a lot easier when one puts the time in it --there's decent matching services and lots of activities and online ways to interact with hundreds of people way beyond your immediate enviroment, plenty of articles and advice about how to put oneself out there and about personal improvement, etc. In many countries there's also plenty of assistance and counseling for divorced parents. The old idea of sticking to a relationship far and beyond reason because it may be the only good chance for relationship-related happiness is quite outdated.

    People should definitely move on and start meeting new people when the relationship's "contract" is broken. Being single is neither a stigma nor incompatible with happiness, and that's a better state than a life of suspicions and lack of trust.
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    Linda Taylor 50+

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    Jan 3 2013: Seems the gentlemen have some say in the matter. Here is mine.

    Oh hell no.
    Every relationship develops with the couples outlining where the lines are and what will and will not be tolerated within the relationship. At the time I was dating, incurable and fatal sexually transmitted disease became known and rampant throughout our society. I was interested in setting up a family and would not risk having any disease brought into the relationship and I was very clear about it. I would not subject my future children to any risk like that. I would also not put up with a man who would do that to his future children. We discussed the consequences which I described in graphic detail including which knife I would select.

    I would NEVER FORGIVE risking my children's health to an incurable or fatal illness.

    That's it. The end.
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    Maaher Sayeed 10+

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    Jan 3 2013: You forgive as many times you expect your spouse to forgive you if you did the same. But if marriage is without mutual trust, loyalty and respect for each others feelings and dignity, then it is not worth a marriage. Love is an amazing thing that makes people forgive the greatest of sins and kill if betrayed. You may never cease to love, but love doesnt have to be a painful situation.

    I cant agree more with what Xavier said below.
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    Robert Winner 50+

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    Jan 3 2013: The spouse has demonstrated disrespect .... are there children .... think of social diseases .... broken vows .... at some point they will not return ....

    Repeated offenses are handwritting on the wall ... get out before it becomes abusive.

    I am not a professional ... these are my opinions .... its your lkife and your decision.

    Good luck ... Bob.
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    Feyisayo Anjorin 50+

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    Jan 2 2013: Love is the foundation of the relationship between husband and wife, or so it should be. Trust is a very important part of such relationship.
    It is not wise for someone to be with or to continue to forgive someone who makes a habit of cheating.
    As a christian I know that Jesus died for my sins, He passed through so much sorrow and pain for my sake.
    It is not biblical for one to repeatedly become a sacrificial lamb for an unfaithful spouse.
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    Xavier Belvemont 30+

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    Jan 2 2013: My position on the subject is this:

    If they cheat on you once then you are the victim
    If they cheat on you twice, then you are the enabler.

    There are too many factors involved to tell you whether its a good idea or not to take someone back who's been disloyal, but what you should do is really reassess your life with that person.
    You should take it as an opportunity that you've seen what your partner is capable of (and thus physically able to do it again) and really think if you're actually happy with them, whether you believe they will ever change and whether they spend more time hurting you rather than making you happy. (and given the subject matter, you already know that answer).

    • Martha Mark

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      Jan 3 2013: I cant agree more,
      A friend of mine told me her man cheated and was "Honest" telling her the "truth", well forgiveness isnt easy for many of us but she did it anyway, Same thing happend in "two" month of her forgiveness and she "Forgave" him..i wondered how it worked for her and HIM too..Then she was very stressed out And lost her mind when he actually spent a night with out telling her where..
      Can you magine?
      Thank you for sharing with me, am sure she will learn from it
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