Arnold Timmerman

Leadingship facilitator & author, www.arnoldtimmerman.com

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Speak the truth about our addiction and attachment to control

We must be in LOVE with control! No matter how many times it lies and cheats on us, we keep on welcoming it back into our arms believing that our own survival depends on it. Who would we be without this charming and charismatic partner? The thought alone sends shivers down our spine. It feels so naked, so vulnerable.
But this vulnerability is actually the key to true interaction, connection and inspiration... Now: translate this back to your personal, professional and organisational life...

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    Dec 15 2012: Control is an illusion. Accept it and move on.
  • Dec 21 2012: May I add a (possibly uninvited) theological take? In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, (Mormon), we believe the original argument between God and Lucifer was over control, force, or coercion of the lives of men. God gave us our free agency; we, most of us, decided to accept the risks and trial and error that we knew would result. Lucifer wanted to take away this gift, and force all men to come back to god. Hitler said all human conflict was racial; Marx said it was economical or class. Both were wrong; it's coercion vs. freedom. The Greeks fought the Persians over this issue, WW2 was all about it, as was the cold war. Now it's Islamic fundamentalism (or, religious fundamentalism in general) vs. freedom. Control over the lives and thoughts of our fellow man has always been the major issue of the Cosmos: I believe it always will be.
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    Gail .

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    Dec 20 2012: I don't think that it is a matter of being in LOVE with control. I think it is more a matter of being afraid. Fear is a cultural norm in the global culture (with some exceptions of course. I speak of mainstream culture)

    Those who are afraid instinctively seek control over their environment (including others) whereas those who are not afraid have no such compulsion.

    Thus, to rid self of the control issue, one need only become self-aware and at peace. Through this, we can find our own power (and that power is REAL). As we recognize our own power, and our invulnerability to others, fear goes away.

    The most efficient way of living without fear is to put it aside. Meditation has been proven to reduce activity in the amygdala portion of the brain (the fear/anxiety center). When activity in the fear center is reduced, the frontal cortex (the executive center of the brain where RATIONAL, long-term decisions are made). 2ce daily meditation provides a sense of safety and well-being. With safety and well-being, the idea of exerting control over others is seen as what it is - a lesson in futility.

    There is only one whom I can control. That is me and how I choose to live. Do I want to be controlled by my fears (causing me to be a control freak) or do I want to control my emotions (causing me to respect myself and my power)
  • Dec 15 2012: Control is necessary, and it is always limited. Anyone who skis understands this.
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    Dec 15 2012: If you do not have control then you will have Kaos and then you will have to get smart.
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    Dec 15 2012: Cher, in her song, asks 'Do you believe in life after love?'
    Love is the key to a meaningful life. Einstein says 'love is a better teacher than a sense of duty'. And we still praise and admire the works of Leonardo Da Vinci who was so passionate about his work.

    We have to be controlled; and we control others too. Either due to our position, or due to our influence. Control is not entirely a bad thing. It is like money; it takes on the character of the one who wields it.

    Have got so much love in my life; from childhood till date. I'm not tired of love or loving; and in some instances I'm still hopeful in my search.
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      Dec 15 2012: Interesting. I do not know who you think you control, but in the end, the only control we have is control of ourselves. And we don't even have that much control over that either.

      We think we have control because of the narrative we give ourselves. The stories we tell ourselves to make order of the world. We can influence others but we can never control them, or control circumstance. And the minute you think you do, God and the universe will teach you otherwise. Because you see, it is very arrogant to think we control anything and even the Bible says that pride goeth before a fall.

      Can you give an example of the last person you controlled?