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Feyisayo Anjorin

Freelance Director, Afro-Carribean Media Group

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If one's reasoning is not based on love, one is more likely to make wrong choices than right ones.

We've got the best of us, we've got the worst of us; and we've got everything in-between.
I have not seen any human society that sees love as a vice. There have been debates about who should be the first object or subject of our love; and we argue about priorities and preferences about love; some hold on to ancient wisdom, some would think wisdom is as new as fancy gadgets.
Love is desirable; we seek it and give it, and we proclaim it without shame.
If no voice is strong enough to smother the glory of love, could we be right to say that love is the ultimate guide?

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    Nov 28 2012: That was the claim of a messiah. Love of God for us, our love of God and for each other has no law against it.

    The only problem I see in this is when we love for the wrong reasons. If love is selfless, it opens doors to mutual cooperation. Everyone works to each other's benefit. When love of self is greater than love for others, then it becomes corrupted. Soap operas are built on selfish love. It creates a society that implodes on itself.

    Tough love is another issue. We all need to know what the rules are to succeed. Yet some think that rules were made to be broken. Tough love doesn't feel like love to the one being corrected, even though the intent is the help the person become a better person.

    When love comes from the one who gave it (the creator of us all), then I fully agree with you.
    • Nov 28 2012: Yes, we can only give what we have; when we recieve the love of our creator, we are able to love with a pure heart.
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        Dec 6 2012: Roy and Feyisayo,
        There certainly is no "law against" any kind of love, and there certainly are limitations created when one says love is "the claim of a messiah", or we can only give/receive love when it is from a creator.

        This belief serves to seperate and divide perple, rather than bringing people together, which is a direct contradiction of what "pure", unconditional love is!

        I totally agree with you Fayisayo, that we "can only give what we have", and many people have "pure", unconditional love in their/our hearts without the belief in a creator/god.
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      Nov 29 2012: Hello Roy and Feyisayo:>)
      How can we "love for the wrong reasons"? That would not be real love would it? Do you have an example?
      I don't have the example of soap operas for reference....don't watch them!

      I agree that we need to know what the rules are , and I do not agree with using "tough love", which can be abused and mis-used. While the basic concept may have had some value, the idea has been WAY misused, misunderstood, misinterpreted, etc. Again....I ask.....is that real love?

      http://addictions.about.com/od/parentingteens/g/What-Is-Tough-Love.htm

      When I volunteered at the shelter, and answered the hotline, it was not uncommon for women to call in to say that she was beaten, with broken bones, and the abuser (brother, father, husband, boyfriend, lover, etc.) told her that he really loved her, and he was practicing "tough love". While volunteering with offenders of violence and abuse in correctional facilities, I often heard them tell the story of why they were angry and assaulted their loved one...."tough love"....you know?

      Yes, it is good to have boundaries and rules, AND it is not good to force them on others with "tough love". I believe that term has no beneficial value because it has been so misused.

      What do you mean..."when love comes from the creator"? Either the creator is all loving and loves all of us, or not? If you believe in a creator, when does he/she/it withhold love?
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        Nov 29 2012: Colleen,
        You have made the distinction between real love and what some people claim as love. That is why I responded to Fayisayo as I did. Many don't know the difference and regard many forms of abuse or lust as a form of love. These people don't know what real love is. I wanted that to be brought into the topic so that people think about what real love is.
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          Nov 29 2012: Yes, I made the distinction because your comment says that we can "love for the wrong reasons", and "Tough love doesn't feel like love to the one being corrected, even though the intent is the help the person become a better person".

          In my humble perception, neither being in love for the wrong reasons, or tough love are "real love". I realize that some folks perceive abuse or lust as a form of love, which is why we don't need to encourage it as if it is real love.....that is why I made the distinction.

          What are, in your perception, some of the "wrong reasons"?

          I ask again...what do you mean when you say..."when love comes from the creator"? Either the creator is all loving and loves all of us, or not? If you believe in a creator, when does he/she/it with hold love?
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          Nov 29 2012: I second Colleens question,

          "what do you mean when you say..."when love comes from the creator"? Either the creator is all loving and loves all of us, or not? If you believe in a creator, when does he/she/it with hold love?"

          But I can make an attempt to answer part of them already. God is a "he" because Roy is a christian and therefore he believes in the holy Father. Perhaps god withholds love from those who do not worship him or believe in him. On the other hand Muslims believe in the same god as Jews and Christians and I'm really wondering who god is withholding love from when it comes to... say Israel - Palestine...
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          Nov 30 2012: Jimmy brings up a good question/thought/feeling...
          Which creator? Which god? Yes, according to teachings, whatever creator one believes in is going to withhold love from everyone else who may believe in a different creator, or maybe no creator at all. This behavior, from people and gods we are told are unconditionally loving!!!

          That is an idea which has only served to seperate humankind throughout history. We're told that the creator (take your pick regarding which one) will send everyone who does not believe in "him" to an eternity in hell simply for denying "his" existance? Or believing in a different god? That is contradictory, and makes no sense. The holy books and teachings of the churches (supposedely coming directly from a god) tell us that we are all one. THEN we are told by church leaders that some of us are simply going to hell because we do not believe in a god, or do not believe in the "RIGHT" god to be saved! THIS IS NOT LOVE...IT IS CONTROL.
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        Nov 30 2012: Colleen,
        I noted your distinction because you understand real love. Not everyone does. Many claim to love, but are not capable of expressing real love, because love to them is based on lust and control. They call it love, and that is what I mean when I say they love for the wrong reasons. Granted it isn't real love, but they can't tell the difference because that is the only concept of love that they know. There are far too many cases of abuse or rape in which the aggressor claims that love drove them to it. Relate that back to Fayisayo's idea and you'll understand why the distinction must be made. An abuser claims that love is the reason even when they have no concept of what real love is.

        You noted a kind of tough love that isn't love, but abuse. That is a counterfeit form of tough love. They are trying to force another to change their ways through force or bodily harm. The principle of tough love was never intended to harm the other person. It was to provide restrictions that would hinder the other person from causing harm to themselves or others (this pertains to people of addiction or those prone to destructive tendencies). Working from a hotline, you are only going to get the victims of control freaks. They call it tough love only because that is what they are being told it is by the abuser.

        As far as love from the creator, many have no concept of what that is. As Fayisayo says, you can't express what you don't have. It's not that the creator doesn't love them, it is that they are incapable of recognizing it, and therefore, incapable of expressing it to others. What they conceive love to be isn't love at all, but they think that it is and act on it as if it was.
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          Nov 30 2012: Roy,
          Thanks for the response.

          *Yes, I do indeed understand real love.
          *I understand that everyone does not recognize love.
          *We do not know for sure what everyone's expression of love is based on.
          *It is not reasonable to judge "them" based on YOUR perception of what "real love" is.
          *To judge others, based on YOUR perceptions, is not "real love".
          *I understand the concept of "tough love", and I understand how it is mis-used.
          *No, working on the hotline did not produce only "victims of control freaks".
          *You are limiting yourself with your own preconceived ideas.

          *I agree that we cannot express what we do not have in ourselves.
          *In my perception, we can have love in our hearts whether or not we believe in a creator.
          *"Real Love", is not contingent on belief in a creator.
          *In fact, the kind of love we are told comes from a creator, is "tough love" and/or abuse.
          *What genuinely loving person or god, would send loving people to an eternity in hell simply because they did not accept that person/god as the creator? That is controlling.

          *I totally agree with you Roy..."What they conceive love to be isn't love at all, but they think that it is and act on it as if it was".

          *Righteous, domineering, demanding, controlling, abusive people or gods, are not practicing "real love".
          *Real love does not have unrealistic conditions.

          Thanks for answering my question....in a round about way.

          Again, you presume to know what "they" do, based on YOUR beliefs, which seems to put you in a more enlightened...smarter....more informed...dominant position? Only you know for sure why you would want to do that.
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        Dec 6 2012: Colleen,
        I realize that I did not answer your question "which creator, which God would withhold love?"

        The creator doesn't withhold love from anyone. People withhold love from themselves or each other based on distorted notions of who or what the creator is. The power of deception, to which religion warns each and every one of us, still rules. They have not overcome it because they do not understand it.

        Regardless of the spin that religion puts on it, there is only one creator, the source from which all things come. Though there be many names and many notions, there is only one true source. When one tries to distinguish their creator from another, they are substituting religious doctrine for pure creative energy. Everything that exists, including the entire spectrum of life, can all be reduced to a common denominator. That common denominator is the source from which all creativity flows. It is the same for everything and everyone. It knows no distinction.

        Anyone who has had a spiritual encounter with the creator knows that there is only one source for all that is, or was, or ever shall be. Science knows of the source through quantum physics, though it doesn't regard it as creator even though all creative processes emanate and evolve from it. Right brain thinkers of the ancient world did regard it as creator and left clues as to how to experience it. Those clues have been twisted and misconceived throughout the ages into the modern religions of today, distorted by human fears, lusts, and greed. Only a false god would withhold love.

        One cannot truly love until one has felt love from the source itself. It can't come from belief, it can only come from experience. That was the point that I was trying to make.
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          Dec 6 2012: Roy, I understand the point you are trying to make and you are preaching.

          The topic of this discussion is:
          "If one's reasoning is not based on love, one is more likely to make wrong choices than right ones".

          I respect YOUR beliefs as YOUR beliefs. I agree that people withhold love from themselves and each other based on distorted notions, which in my perception, you are distorting even more because of your beliefs. Love, and the ability to reason based on love, is not contingent on a belief in a creator or a god.

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