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Mendy Duggan

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Debate: Who's to blame for bullies?

Who's to blame for bullies? I think parents are responsible for thier children's actions. Communication or lack thereof is causing children to figure out who they are themselves, when it is the responsibility of the parents to help shape them to become a kind and compassionate individual.

Topics: bullying society
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  • carolyn mcauley 20+

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    Nov 20 2012: bullies self identify very early in life. My suggestion is like good athletes,violin players,or a math whiz,we take them out of the classroom and give them instructions on how to do a great job at what they have a natural talent to do . If we do it constantly for our little musicians and academics,why cant we acknowledge the tendencies for extreme leadershipi.e.bullying, and streamline it into a useful evolved behaviour. These kids are preaching day and night whose cool whose not, who can sit at the table who cant. This behaviour in its primitive form is not useful to the group,but refined with an international relations course, humanities,ethics,you could build a very driven leader who was not allowed to flounder through the mythic halls of childhood power,but given an opportunity to excell properly at something they are driven ,like atheletes to do naturally.
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      Colleen Steen 500+

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      Nov 21 2012: Wholeheartedly agree Carolyn, that the energy of bullies can be re-directed. Many of them have skills and talents, which, when recognized, sometimes gives them reason to believe in themselves. That is one thing I learned from the guys I was working with who were incarcerated. I co-facilitated "cognitive self change" sessions, and when those guys were praised for something that they could do well, it made a big difference in their perception of our world and their own personal life experience. If/when we can re-direct their energy and focus, it can change things quite a bit, and it would benefit all of society if we could do that BEFORE they are in prison!
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      Allan Macdougall 50+

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      Nov 21 2012: Many younger bullies change their view of life naturally, I think, and become kind, compassionate people when they are adult. I'm not sure what it is that changes - whether it is down to psychological/hormonal maturation, or if parameters of perceived normality undergo some kind of change. It could be a mix of both.

      What appears to happen is there seems to be an awakening of awareness of the effects they have on others - where empathy and congruity kicks in - and the bullying disappears.

      What would be great is if we could establish what it is that does actually change. What is it that moves a young bully into a kind, socially functional individual?

      I personally have misgivings about our standardized education systems, and their effect in establishing the kind of normality parameters that the diversity of childhood ability won't fit. In other words, if a child falls either above or below those parameters, they get bullied. Gifted children get bullied as much as children who struggle academically.

      My assertion therefore is that the expectations of standardized education is at least partly responsible for bullying behaviour.
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        Colleen Steen 500+

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        Nov 21 2012: My dear Allan....if we could only answer that question!!! What is it that moves a young bully into a kind, socially functional individual? I agree Allan, that some bullies change their view of life at different times in their lives......and some do not. Probably it's many factors?

        I agree that our educational systems are partly responsible, and also some of our societal beliefs. When my son was bullied, it often happened on school grounds, at school activities, where there were adults present. When I talked with the athletic coach and the principle, they both said....well....you know.....boys will be boys! My son was coming home bruised and battered...didn't even want to go to school any more. As a teenager, he had reconstructive surgery to "fix" one of the issues he had because "boys will be boys". That idea is a ridiculous way to avoid dealing with bullies.

        It has been suggested, on this thread, that bullying may stop if it is reported. I suggest that those receiving the information need to be willing to address the issue, which I sincerely hope they are beginning to pay attention to now.

        Education has been suggested, which can always help....awareness of the impact bullying has on the victim may help change some bullies. Bullies who are beaten up really badly, sometimes change their attitude....we see that in the correctional facilities. Although, sometimes it simply makes them worse bullies.

        There is no magic answer, and bullying can be anything from school yard verbal/emotional/physical abuse to terrorists, and many things in between. We see cyber bullying these days, which has caused some teenagers to end their lives.

        We are all different as human beings, motivated by many different factors, and we change because of many different factors....or not. Those who bully are human beings, so I think we need to try everything possible to discourage bullying, which adversly impacts many lives.

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