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Agnius Balabonas

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Debate: Can non-standard monogamous relationships work?

I've been wondering if these different kind of relationships could work, how they would work: what would be the guidelines and things to watch out for.

I'm interested in an open, well-argued and as little biased as possible constructive discussions to come out of this.
I encourage people to share the scientific material, historical data and their own experience of the area. And I strongly discourage wars based solely on opinions and cultural bias.

So far I believe, that these types of relationships can only work based on honesty, openness, trust and clearly agreed upon guidelines, so that the parties involved know what to expect and won't get hurt based on failed expectations.

There is still very little quantitative research in the area available, so I hope we will be able enrich each others views and open up the mind to a broader perspective.


Closing Statement from Agnius Balabonas

I thank people who gave a little more insight, views for their experience and opening up some controversial topics to conversation.

I was a little bit sad however.. That's a lot of the people misunderstood what was the conversation about and the conversation lacked focus.
I think in future I should formulate the topic in a more clear way making it harder to misinterpret.

This conversation was meant to be about any kind relationships involving more than two parties. It was not about an exclusive relationship between two people, it was not just about sex and it was not about "cheating".
Hope that helps clarify a lot of the misunderstandings I saw in the discussion.

Nevertheless, I want to thank to all the people that participated and shared their insights.

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  • Oct 23 2012: What about long-distance relationships? I would consider them non-standard.

    I have been in a long-distance relationship for almost a year now. We are on two different continents. And from all that I know, we feel very deeply and mutually about each other. Our relationship suffers, though, because being able to be physically near your significant other is something I didn't realize was something that I took for granted so much. Since we have entered our relationship, I believed that it could be something I could easily manage, since we have talked about making sacrifices and moving to be with each other.

    But despite all of the reassurances, long distance relationships are not at all like standard monogamous relationships. You feel as if you are constantly putting stress on a person and that they are not able to fill their own needs (sex, and physical interaction in general) because you expect them to be committed to only you. After a while, you begin to question how faithful they are to you. And then you start thinking about deviating, yourself. It's very hard to have a deep sense of trust when you are thousands of miles away and you are both only HUMANS.

    Not all relationships require trust. I feel that trust, at least for me, is only significant if I can see the person in my life long-term. I'm not that concerned with what everyone else does, especially not in casual relationships. In casual relationships, I can tolerate "cheating." But to me, it's unacceptable for this to occur in a committed relationship.

    Also, something else worth thinking about: people are usually either slightly more monogamous or polygamous and you must create your trust based off of these observations of your relationship. Every relationship you create with a new person should reflect the dynamic of the individual situation.

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