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Agnius Balabonas

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Debate: Can non-standard monogamous relationships work?

I've been wondering if these different kind of relationships could work, how they would work: what would be the guidelines and things to watch out for.

I'm interested in an open, well-argued and as little biased as possible constructive discussions to come out of this.
I encourage people to share the scientific material, historical data and their own experience of the area. And I strongly discourage wars based solely on opinions and cultural bias.

So far I believe, that these types of relationships can only work based on honesty, openness, trust and clearly agreed upon guidelines, so that the parties involved know what to expect and won't get hurt based on failed expectations.

There is still very little quantitative research in the area available, so I hope we will be able enrich each others views and open up the mind to a broader perspective.


Closing Statement from Agnius Balabonas

I thank people who gave a little more insight, views for their experience and opening up some controversial topics to conversation.

I was a little bit sad however.. That's a lot of the people misunderstood what was the conversation about and the conversation lacked focus.
I think in future I should formulate the topic in a more clear way making it harder to misinterpret.

This conversation was meant to be about any kind relationships involving more than two parties. It was not about an exclusive relationship between two people, it was not just about sex and it was not about "cheating".
Hope that helps clarify a lot of the misunderstandings I saw in the discussion.

Nevertheless, I want to thank to all the people that participated and shared their insights.

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    Oct 16 2012: Could you define what you mean by "non-standard monogamous relationship?" Do you envision something like a monogamous marriage plus a well loved best friend of the same gender as the spouse? That you use the word monogamous suggests to me that you are not talking about a person's having two or more spouses in the sense that exists in some cultures.

    I have no doubt a person can love multiple people simultaneously. Those of us with children love them all intensely.

    A friend of my sister's who was born and raised in Africa before his law school education in the US was the child of a father with eight wives in addition to his mother. Somehow it is hard for me to believe that the dad loved only one of his wives.
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      Oct 16 2012: A standard monogamous relationship is a relationship where there are only 2 partners. I wanted to discuss relationships involving more than 2 people. Hope that helps clarify.

      I wanted to address the main human drives and what kind of not purely monogamous relationships, where people have certain feelings for more than one person. What is possible, what are the issues, how to they differ from a normal relationship?
      As well as the physiological, psychological and cultural aspects influencing such relationships.

      I wanted to have a broad subject, that's why it includes a lot. I'm not a big fan of labeling things because labels like: friends with benefits, plural marriages and etc., Because it tends to distract people from the underlying human forces of influence.
      I also don't believe that institutionalizing an activity changes the core aspects of human beings that are already present. (You can argue about whether it's nature or nurture, but it's just my personal opinion)

      I want to discuss the core aspect and if any of these types of relationships were sustainable at all.
      But I thought it best to focus more on relationships where trust and honesty are core aspects of a relationship, secret affairs and those sort of things don't interest me as much and I believe they have already received a sufficient amount of interest.

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