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Agnius Balabonas

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Debate: Can non-standard monogamous relationships work?

I've been wondering if these different kind of relationships could work, how they would work: what would be the guidelines and things to watch out for.

I'm interested in an open, well-argued and as little biased as possible constructive discussions to come out of this.
I encourage people to share the scientific material, historical data and their own experience of the area. And I strongly discourage wars based solely on opinions and cultural bias.

So far I believe, that these types of relationships can only work based on honesty, openness, trust and clearly agreed upon guidelines, so that the parties involved know what to expect and won't get hurt based on failed expectations.

There is still very little quantitative research in the area available, so I hope we will be able enrich each others views and open up the mind to a broader perspective.

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Closing Statement from Agnius Balabonas

I thank people who gave a little more insight, views for their experience and opening up some controversial topics to conversation.

I was a little bit sad however.. That's a lot of the people misunderstood what was the conversation about and the conversation lacked focus.
I think in future I should formulate the topic in a more clear way making it harder to misinterpret.

This conversation was meant to be about any kind relationships involving more than two parties. It was not about an exclusive relationship between two people, it was not just about sex and it was not about "cheating".
Hope that helps clarify a lot of the misunderstandings I saw in the discussion.

Nevertheless, I want to thank to all the people that participated and shared their insights.

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    Oct 16 2012: To start of discussion I suggest you might be interested in reading:
    http://evolution.binghamton.edu/evos/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/Can-You-Love-More-Than-One-Person-At-The-Same-Time.pdf A Research Report by William Jankowiak (University of Nevada) and Helen Gerth (University of Nevada)
    That handles mostly on two concurrent love relationships, though one of them is typically a secret.

    You may also watch the two relevant videos by Helen Fisher or read some of her books describing different types of love.

    I haven't yet read or seen any in-depth research material looking into polyamour arrangements where all the parties involved knew about each other.
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      Oct 16 2012: Interesting article but really no surprises. I think humans have the capacity to love more than one person at the same time. Indeed it is recorded throughout history in many stories and books. You can tell the morays of the society by the ending of the story. As all good stories will reflect cultural values. (There's an interesting hermenutical study right there:)

      Because of the current mainstream values, I have never seen this type of love endure. I am not sure if it is possible in a different society with different values. I suppose it is possible to sustain, but we have this little evil monster called jealousy we have to deal with. Even in an amicable divorce, where the original relationship morphs into a new one and both are remarried. The original love does not go away but turns into a new relationship. It is not appropriate to cross certain behavioral barriers not just physical but mental also. But I'm from the midwest and am heavily ingrained in that corn-raised morality.

      When my daughter was young, she asked me why she only had one daddy. All the other girls had two and she wanted two daddies too. I told her I could get another daddy if she wanted but what was I to do with her current daddy? She said he could sleep in the basement.

      I told her if she could convince her daddy, I would get another one for her.

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