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Noemí Herrero

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Is love a rational process?

While speaking with a friend the other day, he told me this: "I don´t believe in love because love is a rational process". I was in shocked as complete believer of "romantic love". Since then...I couldn´t stop reading and wonder...Am I wrong?? I have being living 32 years old believing in love and then love is just a reponse to values??
It is with a person’s sense of life that one falls in love—with that essential sum, that fundamental stand or way of facing existence, which is the essence of a personality??
One falls in love with the embodiment of the values that formed a person’s character, which are reflected in his widest goals or smallest gestures, which create the style of his soul—the individual style of a unique, unrepeatable, irreplaceable consciousness. It is one’s own sense of life that acts as the selector, and responds to what it recognizes as one’s own basic values in the person of another. It is not a matter of professed convictions (though these are not irrelevant); it is a matter of much more profound, conscious and subconscious harmony???
Then...my colleagues...is love just a rational process??? I have being waiting all my life for something that at the end is just a rational process of selection as if i was going to the market and select what I am going to eat the rest of the next "let´s say" one month, one year, all life ??


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    Oct 8 2012: So... Just for fun... I'll throw a wrench in the mix... A large number of men view love as a rational choice. When women talk about subconscious harmony, and connection, many men don't know what the heck your talking about. It's the premise of every American sitcom. "I want empathy"... "What... Like a hat? You want a new hat?"

    I would even go so far as to suggest, that men often believe that women confuse chemical attraction, and sexual desire with love... Those are things that operate in the subconscious mind. If a man believes in love at first sight, he is often seen as a pig. If a woman believes in love at first sight, she is often seen as a romantic. I think that's much more of a stereotype and less fair though. I think there is room for suggesting that women intuit things through a deeper connection to the emotional side of their brain.

    I do think however, one problem with this dichotomy, is that men who don't see love as a rational choice... often aren't interested in what most people would call "love". For many men, the rational part of the brain, is the one that suggests staying with one partner for your entire life. The emotional part of our brains, tells us to act like lions... This is a simplification of course... but, in short, I would say that I see love as a rational choice. Choosing the security of one long term sexual partner, over the excitement and drama of multiple. I think there is a component of that which is related to my gender, but I may be completely wrong.
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      Oct 23 2012: Intersting analogies, David, and many may be accurate. I'll take exception to one of them though. You said...

      "Choosing the security of one long term sexual partner, over the excitement and drama of multiple."

      Love and lust are two different things. Nobody should be getting married for the sex. That's not love.
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        Oct 23 2012: I would suggest that "love" is a word created by humans, to make their sex sound more important. I would even suggest that "love" is actually a bit degrading to sex. The act of sex is a confirmation that you enjoy being with another human being, so much, that when in their presence you can't help but want to create more life... It's the most beautiful and expressive thing human beings do, and the fact that we call it lust, and insult it, really bothers me.

        No body should be getting married, for anything other than the sex. If you don't want to create life... Don't get married. The point of marriage, is the creation of life. It's a contract to raise that life together. Without sex, and creation, marriage would be meaningless.

        I think it's a bit disturbing that in the modern world we seperate sex from love. It's almost like we're telling our children "No, sex is something you do when you're young. It's meaningless and degrading... The real romance comes from contract law" ; p

        I guess that what I'm really trying to say... Is that love and marriage, are rational controls of the sex drive. The sex drive is irrational, emotional, and subconscious... but it's also the most important and beautiful force in the universe, the purest expression of creation, a validation that life is worth living. Love is, the rational, or "correct", way to focus your sex drive in order to create functional, healthy, and happy life.

        I think the unchecked emotional desires, of the sex drive, are often confused with love. This is most evident, when people stay with partners who cheat on them, and then try to convince you that this is an expression of love... I feel like saying to them "No, you're confusing your desire to have sex with that person, with an actual emotional connection. If you had an actual emotional connection, your partner would not cheat on you constantly." If you're just letting another human being walk all over you, that's not love. Love makes sense...

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