TED Conversations

Tibor V. Varga

PhD student, Lund University

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Love is overrated

You will never find your true love, there is no perfect relationship.
Or is there?
Isn't love overrated? Shouldn't we aim for other types of relationships (eg. open relationships, not monogamous relationships, communes)?

Topics: love

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    Sep 27 2012: It is overrated in the sense that we spend our lives looking for love 'out there'....not just overrated, but it's an illusion; we are essentially seeking someone out there to love us to make us feel better about ourselves, when that love is within us all the time.
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      Sep 27 2012: love will always be there
      renently many people say that there isnt ture love now .they just complain and complain .i dont think so .why not .why dont you use your heart to find ,why dont you to love someone by heart .they just caomplain .it is useless.if you dont try ,you will never find you ture love .
      so go ahead .you will find .at least my ture is always be that!
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        Sep 27 2012: define for me what this 'true love' looks like for you....thanks!
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        Sep 27 2012: You are right. At first I hate when people only complain.Everything is possible, but it required your work. But I also think that for true love you have to feel mature (maybe it's quite subjective,sorry, it's just my own experience ;) )
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        Sep 27 2012: That's the spirit Chen,never stop trying,the best that anyone can do is if actively searching is look for the qualities that you lack within yourself and if she has them then she is the one,this can be the opposite with the image of the perfect woman that you might have within yourself as we can fool ourselves into thinking that the person we want has to be perfect in every way but in reality it's their imperfection and the fact they will view you as having qualities that they lack that will make them see you as their perfect man.we are searching to be completed,made whole.

        Adam and Eve
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          Sep 28 2012: Juliette spero che non sei sola con il sole e sei sola con il tuo amore sotto la luna del tuo cuore piena di amore :)
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        Sep 27 2012: You really find the true love when you do not think or have any conscious intention to do it. Is like you let yourself guided by an interiour feeling on the waves of love to your perfect soul mate. In this way God help you and guide you to reach that person and gives you chances and chances to be together. Just to not lose all the chances you have. God help you all lonely hearts. :)
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      Sep 28 2012: i think many of you has been confused by the love from tv ,movies etc.while ture love it not like that

      from that you have a higher hope .you think love should be that .while you know it is not real.at least it does not happen in your life .so you suffer you hurt.

      change it .less movies more actions...i think you will find your ture love
      i dont think i am a perfect man also maybe isn't mature enough .but i strive to adapt to my friends .and i get very well with my friends,boys and girl .i think this will make me more mature and perfect !
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        Sep 28 2012: You have all the time in the world to eagerly find out,(sigh) Ah memories

        Good Journey young warrior
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        Sep 28 2012: fortunately, for myself I have found my life partner, my wife -- she's chinese, too, so do I owe you one? :) -- and it is not my first go-around in this realm either...so I'm familiar with seeking a 'true love'...I would not settle for what love I found to not be authentic enough and so I have gotten divorced once as well.

        "while you know it is not real.at least it does not happen in your life .so you suffer you hurt"........I do agree with your comment here in how it relates to how we spend our energy/thoughts on things and thus receive or do not receive outcomes related to these energies/thoughts.

        My previous point was that if we spend our lives seeking love outside of ourselves we are missing the very thing we are seeking. If we look within, love within, then love outside will come into our lives accordingly as we love ourselves enough to receive that 'true love' from out there. If we always look for external love we will never be satisfied, even when we think we have found our soul-mate, we will continue to pursue conditional love.
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          Sep 28 2012: first i will clean up that i have not gotten divorced ever .and i have never been married ..
          actually i dont like american girl .. they are too open . while i like laddy gaga very much ...i dont know why
          i want to know how do yo like chinese girl since you have a chinese wife ?
          and i totualy agree with you we all should love within

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